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The most surprising thing my adult ADHD diagnosis revealed was that as I began telling friends that I had been diagnosed positive they told me they had known th

The most surprising thing my adult ADHD diagnosis revealed was that as I began telling friends that I had been diagnosed positive they told me they had known that since they met me. These were childhood friends. Thanks friends. I thought I was bad at lots of things other people were good at, because I was more disciplined and saw the bigger picture. So I only worked on important things. Things that could matter to millions of people, or still be relevant in 100 years. And all the side quests and rabbit holes were obviously for recharging, expanding my biological-being-on-an-odd-planet situational awareness, or benefited me as self-improvement challenges. All in service of the important things. How would tracking the day of the week, doing homework on something I could learn later if/when I ever needed it, or mowing the lawn, help me accomplish anything important? Wasting brain space on those kinds of things would be dysfunction. I actively culled such dreck! Now I know my self-narrative was Stockholm Syndrome coping. But I still don't mow lawns, and if the blinds are drawn when I finish a big task, I couldn't guess if it was am or pm better than a coin toss. My day metric is when Amazon Prime's "Your Orders" list, tells me I am a day closer to getting a crafting item I ordered for a project I may never get to.

wccrawford 17d ago
Don't be too mad at your friends. People are not receptive to being told they're odd. And as much as they might say "we knew", they didn't really. They might have suspected, but they cannot diagnose you. Many things are very clear in hindsight that weren't actually clear at the time.
- tccole 17d ago
  I call this the “this boy ain’t right” diagnosis
gulugawa 17d ago
Some friends I've known for over a decade clearly have ADHD, and I'm not going to tell them unprompted. I feel like it is very disrespectful, especially when the conversation is about something completely different. Also, I'm not a medical professional, and it is possible that their ADHD-like symptoms are caused by something else. That being said, if they ask if I think they have ADHD, or any other form of neurodivergence, I will say yes.
- thirdtruck 17d ago
  Speaking as someone who only got our ADHD diagnosis in our late thirties and our autism spectrum diagnosis at forty fucking two, please consider just telling them. That could be years or decades of social, pharmacological, and even legal assistance that they deserve and need and aren't otherwise getting.
  - supermatt 17d ago
    Resonate and agree with this 100%.
  - dashdashu 17d ago
    Second this too. I went through live until mid thirties thinking life just was that hard for everyone and I was just bad and shit at things, worse than others - I suffered alone thinking everyone had to be like me, because I'm normal right? It was a huge relief finally being diagnosed because I could finally understand myself better, even found community of sorts.. strategies that worked for others and most of all.. just allowing myself to be KIND to myself, not always beating myself up, being angry at myself for being shit.
  - bluefirebrand 17d ago
    Also agree with this, but want to caution: Bring this up as gently as you can Don't accuse them of being ADHD, or insist too strongly If you do bring it up, I would say make sure to really emphasize that you don't think they need fixing. It's something that might help them overcome their own struggles, not something to make them a better person for others, you know?
    - Nevermark 17d ago
      "I have always envied your ADHD hyperfocus superpowers." /h Everything I am really good at, I am really bad at, depending on context and the wobbly compass that governs my internal motivation. It is definitely not all bad. Without my hyperfocus, my life would be unrecognizable. I would be unrecognizable. Hyperfocus is core to so many things I am good at, care about, and have achieved.
giancarlostoro 17d ago
For years I heard I was ADHD from my parents, and while some questions when I got diagnosed no longer applied, weeks later, I reflected on them. One in particular was alluding to something to the effect of "has anyone ever told you to stop you're doing too much" which yeah, I was running at full speed all the time when I was younger, probably more than all my cousins.
Swizec 17d ago
> The most surprising thing my adult ADHD diagnosis revealed was that as I began telling friends that I had been diagnosed positive they told me they had known that since they met me. These were childhood friends. As someone with peer reviewed ADHD but not official diagnosis, what are friends gonna do about it? They can tell you, you're always late and it's annoying but that's about it. At some point it becomes just who you are as a person, part of your character sheet. If you're not planning to change and it's mostly under control (have job, life, etc), does it even matter to put a label on the thing? I feel like a diagnosis in my 20's would've been useful. Now it's like I got me my coping strategies and they work pretty well. If I do or don't have ADHD doesn't really change anything. And for anyone else reading, the leading symptom of adult-diagnosed adhd is saying and thinking things like "I don't get it, ADD can't be real, that's just how everyone is"
- dashdashu 17d ago
  different people with ADHD have different symptoms or effects. I think yes it absolutely matters because I have always secretly been hard on myself, that I am worse than others, struggled under extreme rejection sensitivity. It matters and helps, if only to be able to be a little kinder to yourself and have the ability to decide to get help in the form of a therapist, or medication, or find strategies that worked for others.
  - bluefirebrand 17d ago
    I'm ADHD and really struggle with similar things. I've been leading a really lonely life because I tend to isolate after any friction with people, assuming they don't like me anymore. I know to people without this problem it probably sounds very childish and silly, but it's a real problem. I lack a lot of the inner social calibration of what is a big problem and what is not so I very often have social issues because I say something hurtful (unintentionally) and don't realize why it's a big problem. Then I say other stuff that other people are actually fine (or mostly fine) with but I stress out about it and agonize and isolate myself. I also identify with being super hard on myself. For a recent example I replaced a door in my house recently. I had never done this before. I bought a power routing saw and cut the hinge mortises myself. Two of them were basically perfect, one of them was a bit jagged and it was off by 2 millimeters when I went to hang the door. I spent the next four hours pissed off at myself for fucking up the door! After doing a franky great job for my first ever attempt at hanging a door, and never using a routing saw before. :/ That's not normal levels of self criticism
dashdashu 17d ago
I found out through a friend who has ADHD just talking about it and finding myself saying "oh god I know EXACTLY what you mean" too often. Then I stumbled upon the reddit adhdmeme community and found myself laughind and saying oh god so true to many of the posts there. Funnily enough now that I'm diagnosed I am noticing that I have unconsciously surrounded myself and just meshed much easier with ADHD people. My wife also has ADHD for example and was always undiagnosed, the friends at work I mesh best with.. you guessed it, also ADHD. Then I learned about how its to a majority genetics and a couple of months after (independent, not somehow induced by me) by nephew gets diagnosed too.

wccrawford 17d ago

Don't be too mad at your friends. People are not receptive to being told they're odd. And as much as they might say "we knew", they didn't really. They might have suspected, but they cannot diagnose you. Many things are very clear in hindsight that weren't actually clear at the time.

tccole 17d ago
I call this the “this boy ain’t right” diagnosis

gulugawa 17d ago

Some friends I've known for over a decade clearly have ADHD, and I'm not going to tell them unprompted. I feel like it is very disrespectful, especially when the conversation is about something completely different. Also, I'm not a medical professional, and it is possible that their ADHD-like symptoms are caused by something else. That being said, if they ask if I think they have ADHD, or any other form of neurodivergence, I will say yes.

thirdtruck 17d ago
Speaking as someone who only got our ADHD diagnosis in our late thirties and our autism spectrum diagnosis at forty fucking two, please consider just telling them. That could be years or decades of social, pharmacological, and even legal assistance that they deserve and need and aren't otherwise getting.
- supermatt 17d ago
  Resonate and agree with this 100%.
- dashdashu 17d ago
  Second this too. I went through live until mid thirties thinking life just was that hard for everyone and I was just bad and shit at things, worse than others - I suffered alone thinking everyone had to be like me, because I'm normal right? It was a huge relief finally being diagnosed because I could finally understand myself better, even found community of sorts.. strategies that worked for others and most of all.. just allowing myself to be KIND to myself, not always beating myself up, being angry at myself for being shit.
- bluefirebrand 17d ago
  Also agree with this, but want to caution: Bring this up as gently as you can Don't accuse them of being ADHD, or insist too strongly If you do bring it up, I would say make sure to really emphasize that you don't think they need fixing. It's something that might help them overcome their own struggles, not something to make them a better person for others, you know?
  - Nevermark 17d ago
    "I have always envied your ADHD hyperfocus superpowers." /h Everything I am really good at, I am really bad at, depending on context and the wobbly compass that governs my internal motivation. It is definitely not all bad. Without my hyperfocus, my life would be unrecognizable. I would be unrecognizable. Hyperfocus is core to so many things I am good at, care about, and have achieved.

giancarlostoro 17d ago

For years I heard I was ADHD from my parents, and while some questions when I got diagnosed no longer applied, weeks later, I reflected on them. One in particular was alluding to something to the effect of "has anyone ever told you to stop you're doing too much" which yeah, I was running at full speed all the time when I was younger, probably more than all my cousins.

Swizec 17d ago

> The most surprising thing my adult ADHD diagnosis revealed was that as I began telling friends that I had been diagnosed positive they told me they had known that since they met me. These were childhood friends. As someone with peer reviewed ADHD but not official diagnosis, what are friends gonna do about it? They can tell you, you're always late and it's annoying but that's about it. At some point it becomes just who you are as a person, part of your character sheet. If you're not planning to change and it's mostly under control (have job, life, etc), does it even matter to put a label on the thing? I feel like a diagnosis in my 20's would've been useful. Now it's like I got me my coping strategies and they work pretty well. If I do or don't have ADHD doesn't really change anything. And for anyone else reading, the leading symptom of adult-diagnosed adhd is saying and thinking things like "I don't get it, ADD can't be real, that's just how everyone is"

dashdashu 17d ago
different people with ADHD have different symptoms or effects. I think yes it absolutely matters because I have always secretly been hard on myself, that I am worse than others, struggled under extreme rejection sensitivity. It matters and helps, if only to be able to be a little kinder to yourself and have the ability to decide to get help in the form of a therapist, or medication, or find strategies that worked for others.
- bluefirebrand 17d ago
  I'm ADHD and really struggle with similar things. I've been leading a really lonely life because I tend to isolate after any friction with people, assuming they don't like me anymore. I know to people without this problem it probably sounds very childish and silly, but it's a real problem. I lack a lot of the inner social calibration of what is a big problem and what is not so I very often have social issues because I say something hurtful (unintentionally) and don't realize why it's a big problem. Then I say other stuff that other people are actually fine (or mostly fine) with but I stress out about it and agonize and isolate myself. I also identify with being super hard on myself. For a recent example I replaced a door in my house recently. I had never done this before. I bought a power routing saw and cut the hinge mortises myself. Two of them were basically perfect, one of them was a bit jagged and it was off by 2 millimeters when I went to hang the door. I spent the next four hours pissed off at myself for fucking up the door! After doing a franky great job for my first ever attempt at hanging a door, and never using a routing saw before. :/ That's not normal levels of self criticism

dashdashu 17d ago

I found out through a friend who has ADHD just talking about it and finding myself saying "oh god I know EXACTLY what you mean" too often. Then I stumbled upon the reddit adhdmeme community and found myself laughind and saying oh god so true to many of the posts there. Funnily enough now that I'm diagnosed I am noticing that I have unconsciously surrounded myself and just meshed much easier with ADHD people. My wife also has ADHD for example and was always undiagnosed, the friends at work I mesh best with.. you guessed it, also ADHD. Then I learned about how its to a majority genetics and a couple of months after (independent, not somehow induced by me) by nephew gets diagnosed too.