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This incident is creepy enough that I would also not agree to a give a random stranger a ride home, absent any additional context or mitigations. Maybe to avoid

This incident is creepy enough that I would also not agree to a give a random stranger a ride home, absent any additional context or mitigations. Maybe to avoid waking up in an ice bath with my liver gone. But, to not give a ride because of some perceived idea that they would claim you assaulted them or something is a bit "this person should go touch some grass" or whatever.

EGreg 6mo ago
Interesting One of you is afraid that YOU are going to get assaulted or worse. The other is afraid you’re going to get ACCUSED of it. What has this society become?
- baggy_trough 6mo ago
  A low-trust society.
RajT88 6mo ago
The world we live in is one where women being assaulted is an order of magnitude larger problem than women falsely accusing someone of assault.
- dchftcs 6mo ago
  You need to develop some empathy and learn that false accusations can destroy lives and families. You have no right to force someone accept even a 1% chance that something like that happens, even if it's less prevalent than assaults.
  - john_strinlai 6mo ago
    they didnt say false accusations dont happen, or that they arent harmful, or that anyone should be forced to do anything. you read what you wanted to read, instead of what was actually written
    - Dylan16807 6mo ago
      It looked to me like RajT88 was participating in a rebuttal of SoftTalker's comment. I don't think that interpretation is "reading what you wanted to read". The place you put a comment has implications for what you're arguing.
      - RajT88 6mo ago
        The suggestion I was "forcing" someone to accept a risk is reading what they want to read into my comment. I cannot force anyone to do anything, I am mere lines of text on a screen. Whether I was rebutting their comment depends on the subtext you think their comment had. There could very well be a subtext for such a well worn talking point.
        Dylan16807 6mo ago
        > The suggestion I was "forcing" someone to accept a risk is reading what they want to read into my comment. I cannot force anyone to do anything, I am mere lines of text on a screen. That meaning of "forced" is very unreasonably literal. The meaning of "forced" here is that it's the only socially acceptable option, not that there's a gun pointed at them. > Whether I was rebutting their comment depends on the subtext you think their comment had. There could very well be a subtext for such a well worn talking point. They were saying it's reasonable to refuse the trip because of their false accusation worry. I don't know if I would even call it subtext, it seemed to be pretty upfront. The subtext of your comment, if any, seemed to be that it's not reasonable to refuse for that reason. I'm not 100% sure if that's what you meant, but whether it means that is entirely based on you. It's not based on their subtext. You should just tell us if that's what you meant. Edit: In another comment you put> Nailed it. The amount of bandwidth men should dedicate to this is far lower than what women should be dedicating to it in terms of absolute risk. I bet SoftTalker already does dedicate negligible bandwidth to that issue. A stranger coming up to you and asking for a ride is a very rare occurrence.
        RajT88 6mo ago
  - mmooss 6mo ago
    So could a car accident, but you still drive. There are lots of risks in the world; they need to be assessed by their likelihood x damage.
    - dchftcs 6mo ago
      It may be surprising to you, but I don't drive (I don't live in the US, but even when I did I didn't really have to), and there was a period of time I resorted to not even taking taxis because a crash in those times would have been much messier than just myself dying. But my own private life aside, driving, to many people, is a necessity, sometimes even for survival, while lending a hand to a stranger, however nobel that may be, is not.
- foxyv 6mo ago
  In addition, your chance of being falsely accused is low. Your chance of being prosecuted if you are falsely accused is low. Your chance of being convicted, if you are falsely accused AND prosecuted is low. Also, the accuser's chance of being prosecuted for making the false allegation isn't that low. We're talking about less than 100 cases per year. The real thing to be worried about is a false conviction for drugs or DUI. That happens way more often.
  - RajT88 6mo ago
    Nailed it. The amount of bandwidth men should dedicate to this is far lower than what women should be dedicating to it in terms of absolute risk. That isn't to say you should not be thinking about making sure you don't put yourself in a situation where you could be falsely accused of something. I would say, if you are thinking in that way - spending some time making sure you don't do anything to make women uncomfortable is a good way to spend some of that energy as well - same goal, different thought process.
    - bulbar 6mo ago
      That's pretty much whataboutism. Also, people who fear false accusations are usually not the same that make women uncomfortable. The majority of men has totally fine behavior when it comes to women.
      - foxyv 6mo ago
        Hate to say it, but this is a response TO a whataboutism. The original topic was Uber letting women choose to not drive with men. The whatabout was males being falsely accused of rape. > The majority of men has totally fine behavior when it comes to women. Yeah, about 75% ish. Not a great number. We don't educate young boys about ideas like consent so it isn't very surprising. Especially with the enduring rape culture in media and our government institutions.
        RajT88 6mo ago
        Accusing someone of whataboutism when they are pushing back against it is pretty standard for this topic.
- 1718627440 6mo ago
  True, but I can control the order of magnitude of women being assaulted by me, I can't control the order of magnitude of women falsely accusing me of assault.
allreduce 6mo ago
I've got to ask. Is this kind of violent crime common or perceived as common in the US? If a stranger asked me for a ride home here my first thought wouldn't be that they want to attack me.
- ryandrake 6mo ago
  I think, due to a lot of reasons including skewed media reporting, a lot of uncommon things are perceived as common in the US, and vice versa.
  - deleted 6mo ago
    [deleted]
- sanswork 6mo ago
  The US has a pervasive culture of fear. It's a big part of why guns are so popular. I have had countless discussions with americans about guns that go along the lines of "What happens if (insert extremely rare violent incident) happens?" and they all literally seem unable to comprehend that these are just not things I even think about at all, and they really shouldn't either given how extremely rare they all are. But a huge percentage of the population does worry about being victimised constantly. It is the main reason that despite the obvious financial benefits and my love for certain landscapes/areas of the US I've never had the slightest desire to move there.
- foxyv 6mo ago
  Depends on the area. I grew up in a bad neighborhood and everyone was grifting. If you gave a random stranger a ride you would get to take a tour of the roughest places in your city and maybe a "friend" that sees you as a free taxi driver. It was rarely malicious, mostly just people were poor and didn't have access to transportation. But their friends and family can sometimes be pretty dang nasty. This is called being a "Soft Touch."
- tuesdaynight 6mo ago
  Maybe this video[1] helps you understand this better: a lot of Americans live in constant fear. They live in one of the safest countries on Earth, but if you see the discourse around safety there, you would think that USA is a big cartel neighborhood. Maybe the 24 hours news cycle is responsible for that, I don't know. It's pretty weird, though. And I say that as someone who has lived in unsafe neighborhoods in my native country. [1] https://youtube.com/watch?v=kpgrd6sTGFo https://youtube.com/watch?v=kpgrd6sTGFo
lelanthran 6mo ago
> But, to not give a ride because of some perceived idea that they would claim you assaulted them or something is a bit "this person should go touch some grass" or whatever. Pretty much the same advice any normal person gives their son; a single baseless claim from a woman is enough to ruin a man's life. "Unless you already know the woman, don't spend time alone with her" is pretty good advice.
- eudamoniac 6mo ago
  I am pretty sure "any normal person" does the exact opposite of this advice. This advice to a son seems constrained to the terminally online. It's a really good way to ensure your son doesn't have success with women, especially.

EGreg 6mo ago

Interesting One of you is afraid that YOU are going to get assaulted or worse. The other is afraid you’re going to get ACCUSED of it. What has this society become?

baggy_trough 6mo ago
A low-trust society.

RajT88 6mo ago

The world we live in is one where women being assaulted is an order of magnitude larger problem than women falsely accusing someone of assault.

dchftcs 6mo ago
You need to develop some empathy and learn that false accusations can destroy lives and families. You have no right to force someone accept even a 1% chance that something like that happens, even if it's less prevalent than assaults.
- john_strinlai 6mo ago
  they didnt say false accusations dont happen, or that they arent harmful, or that anyone should be forced to do anything. you read what you wanted to read, instead of what was actually written
  - Dylan16807 6mo ago
    It looked to me like RajT88 was participating in a rebuttal of SoftTalker's comment. I don't think that interpretation is "reading what you wanted to read". The place you put a comment has implications for what you're arguing.
    - RajT88 6mo ago
      The suggestion I was "forcing" someone to accept a risk is reading what they want to read into my comment. I cannot force anyone to do anything, I am mere lines of text on a screen. Whether I was rebutting their comment depends on the subtext you think their comment had. There could very well be a subtext for such a well worn talking point.
      - Dylan16807 6mo ago
        > The suggestion I was "forcing" someone to accept a risk is reading what they want to read into my comment. I cannot force anyone to do anything, I am mere lines of text on a screen. That meaning of "forced" is very unreasonably literal. The meaning of "forced" here is that it's the only socially acceptable option, not that there's a gun pointed at them. > Whether I was rebutting their comment depends on the subtext you think their comment had. There could very well be a subtext for such a well worn talking point. They were saying it's reasonable to refuse the trip because of their false accusation worry. I don't know if I would even call it subtext, it seemed to be pretty upfront. The subtext of your comment, if any, seemed to be that it's not reasonable to refuse for that reason. I'm not 100% sure if that's what you meant, but whether it means that is entirely based on you. It's not based on their subtext. You should just tell us if that's what you meant. Edit: In another comment you put> Nailed it. The amount of bandwidth men should dedicate to this is far lower than what women should be dedicating to it in terms of absolute risk. I bet SoftTalker already does dedicate negligible bandwidth to that issue. A stranger coming up to you and asking for a ride is a very rare occurrence.
        RajT88 6mo ago
- mmooss 6mo ago
  So could a car accident, but you still drive. There are lots of risks in the world; they need to be assessed by their likelihood x damage.
  - dchftcs 6mo ago
    It may be surprising to you, but I don't drive (I don't live in the US, but even when I did I didn't really have to), and there was a period of time I resorted to not even taking taxis because a crash in those times would have been much messier than just myself dying. But my own private life aside, driving, to many people, is a necessity, sometimes even for survival, while lending a hand to a stranger, however nobel that may be, is not.
foxyv 6mo ago
In addition, your chance of being falsely accused is low. Your chance of being prosecuted if you are falsely accused is low. Your chance of being convicted, if you are falsely accused AND prosecuted is low. Also, the accuser's chance of being prosecuted for making the false allegation isn't that low. We're talking about less than 100 cases per year. The real thing to be worried about is a false conviction for drugs or DUI. That happens way more often.
- RajT88 6mo ago
  Nailed it. The amount of bandwidth men should dedicate to this is far lower than what women should be dedicating to it in terms of absolute risk. That isn't to say you should not be thinking about making sure you don't put yourself in a situation where you could be falsely accused of something. I would say, if you are thinking in that way - spending some time making sure you don't do anything to make women uncomfortable is a good way to spend some of that energy as well - same goal, different thought process.
  - bulbar 6mo ago
    That's pretty much whataboutism. Also, people who fear false accusations are usually not the same that make women uncomfortable. The majority of men has totally fine behavior when it comes to women.
    - foxyv 6mo ago
      Hate to say it, but this is a response TO a whataboutism. The original topic was Uber letting women choose to not drive with men. The whatabout was males being falsely accused of rape. > The majority of men has totally fine behavior when it comes to women. Yeah, about 75% ish. Not a great number. We don't educate young boys about ideas like consent so it isn't very surprising. Especially with the enduring rape culture in media and our government institutions.
      - RajT88 6mo ago
        Accusing someone of whataboutism when they are pushing back against it is pretty standard for this topic.
1718627440 6mo ago
True, but I can control the order of magnitude of women being assaulted by me, I can't control the order of magnitude of women falsely accusing me of assault.

allreduce 6mo ago

I've got to ask. Is this kind of violent crime common or perceived as common in the US? If a stranger asked me for a ride home here my first thought wouldn't be that they want to attack me.

ryandrake 6mo ago
I think, due to a lot of reasons including skewed media reporting, a lot of uncommon things are perceived as common in the US, and vice versa.
- deleted 6mo ago
  [deleted]
sanswork 6mo ago
The US has a pervasive culture of fear. It's a big part of why guns are so popular. I have had countless discussions with americans about guns that go along the lines of "What happens if (insert extremely rare violent incident) happens?" and they all literally seem unable to comprehend that these are just not things I even think about at all, and they really shouldn't either given how extremely rare they all are. But a huge percentage of the population does worry about being victimised constantly. It is the main reason that despite the obvious financial benefits and my love for certain landscapes/areas of the US I've never had the slightest desire to move there.
foxyv 6mo ago
Depends on the area. I grew up in a bad neighborhood and everyone was grifting. If you gave a random stranger a ride you would get to take a tour of the roughest places in your city and maybe a "friend" that sees you as a free taxi driver. It was rarely malicious, mostly just people were poor and didn't have access to transportation. But their friends and family can sometimes be pretty dang nasty. This is called being a "Soft Touch."
tuesdaynight 6mo ago
Maybe this video[1] helps you understand this better: a lot of Americans live in constant fear. They live in one of the safest countries on Earth, but if you see the discourse around safety there, you would think that USA is a big cartel neighborhood. Maybe the 24 hours news cycle is responsible for that, I don't know. It's pretty weird, though. And I say that as someone who has lived in unsafe neighborhoods in my native country. [1] https://youtube.com/watch?v=kpgrd6sTGFo https://youtube.com/watch?v=kpgrd6sTGFo

lelanthran 6mo ago

> But, to not give a ride because of some perceived idea that they would claim you assaulted them or something is a bit "this person should go touch some grass" or whatever. Pretty much the same advice any normal person gives their son; a single baseless claim from a woman is enough to ruin a man's life. "Unless you already know the woman, don't spend time alone with her" is pretty good advice.

eudamoniac 6mo ago
I am pretty sure "any normal person" does the exact opposite of this advice. This advice to a son seems constrained to the terminally online. It's a really good way to ensure your son doesn't have success with women, especially.