7 ms·

Do you think a women's dating safety app is mainly about women lying and intending to hurt men, because it's rare for men to stalk or sexually assault women?

emseetech 1y ago
I do. Not as an indictment of women but an indictment of social apps. Apps like this are way too hard to moderate, manage and verify. They quickly get swarmed by bad actors and misused. Again, not because women don't have genuine safety concerns in the dating world but because apps are not a viable way to manage those concerns. Some social problems just don't have technological solutions.
- gitremote 1y ago
  Like online reviews, if 10 women reported that the same man was violent, would you see it as 10 data points or 0 data points that say nothing?
  - emseetech 1y ago
    You know the answer to that is zero. There is no viable system a company, let alone a small unfunded startup, could use to verify the identity of the reporters let alone guarantee the trustworthiness of the account. Those ten reports could be made by one person. That one person might not even know the person they're accusing. That one person might be a man. That one person might be a bot. You'd have to ignore the last three decades of online identity, trolling and social media pitfalls to not recognize that. And please don't compare reviewing a can opener on Amazon to accusing someone anonymously of a heinous crime on an app built by one person. But I'm not sure I'm going to convince you with words so I'll suggest this: Go and build this app. Build it, see what happens. Nobody else has been able to crack this but maybe you can.
  - deleted 1y ago
    [deleted]
  - philodeon 1y ago
    You’ve never read the story of the Halifax Slasher, have you? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halifax_Slasher https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halifax_Slasher
bawolff 1y ago
That's not really relavent to whether someone is going to get sued for defamation. It might be relavent to who wins the lawsuit, but sometimes the mere existence of a lawsuit is pretty painful.
- gitremote 1y ago
  Sure, and what was proposed was suing the women for warning others about an allegedly dangerous man, not suing the man.
  - Levitz 1y ago
    >for warning others about an allegedly dangerous man I mean if witches didn't do anything surely they wouldn't be hunted down.
GoatInGrey 1y ago
We grant a tremendous amount of leeway and power to accusations made by women against men in society today. There are always honest people using things for their intended purpose. Though they are also dishonest people using things for their own ulterior motives. A well-designed system will maximize utility for the former, and minimize utility for the latter. An app where women can leave what are practically anonymous reviews for men is not such a system.
xhkkffbf 1y ago
I'm sorry and I'll be voted down for this, but I do think that it will attract plenty of fibbing and deliberate or not-so-deliberate stretching of the truth. Anyone who is rejected tends to be a bit angry about it. In this case, women who are ghosted can say whatever they want. This isn't all of the people, but in my experience in life it's more than enough to make this app impossible to filter.
qcnguy 1y ago
A few days ago a video leaked of a woman riding in a Mexican taxi, who was demanding the driver went faster. He refused because it'd be dangerous, and she immediately started threatening to report him as a harasser to the police. She even said he had to speed up or else the police would be waiting for him when they got there. She didn't realize her whole conversation was recorded on camera. A lot of men have had experiences like this one. Either directly or they know someone it happened to. Yeah #NotAllWomen but way too many will exploit the feminist #BelieveAllWomen culture to gain even trivial benefits. An app devoted to letting women anonymous gossip and engage in reputation warfare without fear of consequence, or even fear that the man might reply in self defense, is going to get flooded with women like the taxi passenger.
- 9dev 1y ago
  "A lot of men" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. Go read some statistics on the number of women harassed, abused, raped, and killed every day—every single day—because they are women. Go ask your mother, your sister, your wife, your female best friend, when they had their last abusive encounter. Go ask your friends of both genders what the worst things are that could happen to them when walking home at night, and compare the responses. Go read some historic accounts of how women were treated for… pretty much all of history. Go look up news articles of what can happen to women when riding a taxi. Spoiler: it’s not just a threat. Yes, there are some abusive women out there. Yes, it’s fucked up when that happens to you. But trying to insinuate the levels of violence against men would be even remotely comparable is just plain awful.
  - lazide 1y ago
    By the time a man has hit his 40’s, it is exceptionally uncommon he hasn’t seen someone hit with a false rape claim - or had one himself - by a vindictive ex. Or has been threatened with (or directly attacked) with physical violence. By people going on the same sort of rants like you just did. Some People are terrible, especially when they think they can act without consequences. Does that excuse men doing bad things too? No. But it sure does (or should!) make anyone with a brain question hyperbolic claims of abuse or violence without actual evidence.
Fogest 1y ago
> Do you think a women's dating safety app is mainly about women lying That's not what it is intended for, but many people after relationships end can be extremely emotional and sometimes very spiteful. It's not uncommon for people to embellish or lie about the truth to make themselves look better and the other person look shitty. Especially if you're the one being dumped, you may be even more likely to engage in petty behaviour. I personally have experienced an ex making up a sexual assault story. This kind of app didn't exist then, but she even went as far as reporting me to the police. Luckily the police investigated and could easily discern it was a lie. Going to the police is obviously a much higher burden than using an app, and yet many females still go make false SA claims there. Do you really think it wouldn't be a common problem for people to do the same in an app at a much higher rate? People often believe things like SA claims without any evidence and will often even attack people trying to defend the person or insist on some kind of proof. It means that someone making up bull crap on these apps is going to be treated like it is true, yet the rates of lies would likely be pretty high. People can just be so crazy when it comes to relationships/love. Especially when it comes to people in their teens or early 20's, the brain isn't fully developed and dealing with these emotions is even more challenging and leads to even more rash decision making.
Mawr 1y ago
> because it's rare for men to stalk or sexually assault women? The more common it is, the more damaging false claims of it are. It's a self-defeating linear relationship.
const_cast 1y ago
[dead]

emseetech 1y ago

I do. Not as an indictment of women but an indictment of social apps. Apps like this are way too hard to moderate, manage and verify. They quickly get swarmed by bad actors and misused. Again, not because women don't have genuine safety concerns in the dating world but because apps are not a viable way to manage those concerns. Some social problems just don't have technological solutions.

gitremote 1y ago
Like online reviews, if 10 women reported that the same man was violent, would you see it as 10 data points or 0 data points that say nothing?
- emseetech 1y ago
  You know the answer to that is zero. There is no viable system a company, let alone a small unfunded startup, could use to verify the identity of the reporters let alone guarantee the trustworthiness of the account. Those ten reports could be made by one person. That one person might not even know the person they're accusing. That one person might be a man. That one person might be a bot. You'd have to ignore the last three decades of online identity, trolling and social media pitfalls to not recognize that. And please don't compare reviewing a can opener on Amazon to accusing someone anonymously of a heinous crime on an app built by one person. But I'm not sure I'm going to convince you with words so I'll suggest this: Go and build this app. Build it, see what happens. Nobody else has been able to crack this but maybe you can.
- deleted 1y ago
  [deleted]
- philodeon 1y ago
  You’ve never read the story of the Halifax Slasher, have you? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halifax_Slasher https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halifax_Slasher

bawolff 1y ago

That's not really relavent to whether someone is going to get sued for defamation. It might be relavent to who wins the lawsuit, but sometimes the mere existence of a lawsuit is pretty painful.

gitremote 1y ago
Sure, and what was proposed was suing the women for warning others about an allegedly dangerous man, not suing the man.
- Levitz 1y ago
  >for warning others about an allegedly dangerous man I mean if witches didn't do anything surely they wouldn't be hunted down.

GoatInGrey 1y ago

We grant a tremendous amount of leeway and power to accusations made by women against men in society today. There are always honest people using things for their intended purpose. Though they are also dishonest people using things for their own ulterior motives. A well-designed system will maximize utility for the former, and minimize utility for the latter. An app where women can leave what are practically anonymous reviews for men is not such a system.

xhkkffbf 1y ago

I'm sorry and I'll be voted down for this, but I do think that it will attract plenty of fibbing and deliberate or not-so-deliberate stretching of the truth. Anyone who is rejected tends to be a bit angry about it. In this case, women who are ghosted can say whatever they want. This isn't all of the people, but in my experience in life it's more than enough to make this app impossible to filter.

qcnguy 1y ago

A few days ago a video leaked of a woman riding in a Mexican taxi, who was demanding the driver went faster. He refused because it'd be dangerous, and she immediately started threatening to report him as a harasser to the police. She even said he had to speed up or else the police would be waiting for him when they got there. She didn't realize her whole conversation was recorded on camera. A lot of men have had experiences like this one. Either directly or they know someone it happened to. Yeah #NotAllWomen but way too many will exploit the feminist #BelieveAllWomen culture to gain even trivial benefits. An app devoted to letting women anonymous gossip and engage in reputation warfare without fear of consequence, or even fear that the man might reply in self defense, is going to get flooded with women like the taxi passenger.

9dev 1y ago
"A lot of men" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. Go read some statistics on the number of women harassed, abused, raped, and killed every day—every single day—because they are women. Go ask your mother, your sister, your wife, your female best friend, when they had their last abusive encounter. Go ask your friends of both genders what the worst things are that could happen to them when walking home at night, and compare the responses. Go read some historic accounts of how women were treated for… pretty much all of history. Go look up news articles of what can happen to women when riding a taxi. Spoiler: it’s not just a threat. Yes, there are some abusive women out there. Yes, it’s fucked up when that happens to you. But trying to insinuate the levels of violence against men would be even remotely comparable is just plain awful.
- lazide 1y ago
  By the time a man has hit his 40’s, it is exceptionally uncommon he hasn’t seen someone hit with a false rape claim - or had one himself - by a vindictive ex. Or has been threatened with (or directly attacked) with physical violence. By people going on the same sort of rants like you just did. Some People are terrible, especially when they think they can act without consequences. Does that excuse men doing bad things too? No. But it sure does (or should!) make anyone with a brain question hyperbolic claims of abuse or violence without actual evidence.

Fogest 1y ago

> Do you think a women's dating safety app is mainly about women lying That's not what it is intended for, but many people after relationships end can be extremely emotional and sometimes very spiteful. It's not uncommon for people to embellish or lie about the truth to make themselves look better and the other person look shitty. Especially if you're the one being dumped, you may be even more likely to engage in petty behaviour. I personally have experienced an ex making up a sexual assault story. This kind of app didn't exist then, but she even went as far as reporting me to the police. Luckily the police investigated and could easily discern it was a lie. Going to the police is obviously a much higher burden than using an app, and yet many females still go make false SA claims there. Do you really think it wouldn't be a common problem for people to do the same in an app at a much higher rate? People often believe things like SA claims without any evidence and will often even attack people trying to defend the person or insist on some kind of proof. It means that someone making up bull crap on these apps is going to be treated like it is true, yet the rates of lies would likely be pretty high. People can just be so crazy when it comes to relationships/love. Especially when it comes to people in their teens or early 20's, the brain isn't fully developed and dealing with these emotions is even more challenging and leads to even more rash decision making.

Mawr 1y ago

> because it's rare for men to stalk or sexually assault women? The more common it is, the more damaging false claims of it are. It's a self-defeating linear relationship.

const_cast 1y ago

[dead]