5 ms·

Me an' Algernon – grappling with (temporary) cognitive decline

102 points by KentBeck 1y ago

cantor_S_drug 1y ago
> When I re-read Flowers for Algernon recently I was just sad. The second half of the story, where his mind is going away, is just brutal, especially when he can remember how smart he was but knows it's gone for good. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21544149 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21544149 "Von Neumann would carry on a conversation with my 3-year-old son, and the two of them would talk as equals, and I sometimes wondered if he used the same principle when he talked to the rest of us." - Edward Teller I watched a documentary from the 80ies a long time ago. A mathematician (can't remember his name) who worked with von Neumann in Los Alamanos was interviewed. He described von Neumann's last weeks in the hospital - the cancer had already metastasized into his brain. The mathematician said something along this lines (I am citing from memory): "von Neumann was constantly visited by colleagues, who wanted to discuss their latest work with him. He tried to keep up, struggling, like in old times. But he couldn't. Try to imagine having one of the greatest minds maybe in the history of mankind. And then try to imagine losing this gift. I was terrible. I have never seen a man experience greater suffering." Marina von Neumann (his daughter) later wrote this about his final weeks: "After only a few minutes, my father made what seemed to be a very peculiar and frightening request from a man who was widely regarded as one of the greatest - if not the greatest - mathematician of the 20th century. He wanted me to give him two numbers, like 7 and 6 or 10 and 3, and ask him to tell me their sum. For as long as I can remember, I had always known that my father's major source of self-regard, what he felt to be the very essence of his being, was his incredible mental capacity. In this late stage of his illness, he must have been aware that this capacity was deteriorating rapidly, and the panic that caused was worse than any physical pain. In demanding that I test him on these elementary sums, he was seeking reassurance that at least a small fragment of this intellectual powers remained."
- squigz 1y ago
  Now keep in mind that that frustration - the absolute torture of losing who and what you are - applies to everyone going through something like this, not just the greatest minds of their time. Makes me glad that we're starting to look at assisted dying more seriously...
  - tough 1y ago
    why not try to cure alzheimer or other mental diseases that show up on the elderly instead?
    - squigz 1y ago
      Are these mutually exclusive ideas? Can we not pursue research in this area while not forcing families to watch their loved ones slowly lose their mind and wither away?
      - tough 1y ago
        I guess we can explore both, but I'd ask you to research how these laws are already affecting families too in new ways on places where eutanasia is already legal. It's easy on older -about to die-, people, but what about not such clear cut cases, some families are actually against their beloved ones taking their lifes, and the state allowing it, (Parents suing their offspring, to try and not have them do it, for example) and yes, a judge rules out on such cases, but to me, well, i dont see why the state should -sanction- taking your own life, when is something that shouldn't be natural, there's medical cases for sure, but laws sadly aren't perfect, i'd rather have no one wrongly off themselves
        squigz 1y ago
        > I guess we can explore both, but I'd ask you to research how these laws are already affecting families too in new ways on places where eutanasia is already legal. Can you provide some reading? Because this doesn't really mean much by itself. > It's easy on older -about to die-, people, but what about not such clear cut cases, some families are actually against their beloved ones taking their lifes, and the state allowing it, (Parents suing their offspring, to try and not have them do it, for example) Then those families can talk about it and the person dying can make their choice. The families who don't like it can do what they want, just like those who do want it. > when is something that shouldn't be natural, Almost nothing about our modern life is "natural", including most of medicine. That said, how is death unnatural?
- kcplate 1y ago
  > In this late stage of his illness, he must have been aware that this capacity was deteriorating rapidly, and the panic that caused was worse than any physical pain. I watched my father go through this (due to Alzheimer’s) before he passed away. He would say “I don’t understand why I just can’t think like I used to”. It was heartbreaking. He was a brilliant mathematician before the disease put him in a mental prison. It was pure torture for him.
- Workaccount2 1y ago
  Watching my grandmother slide helplessly into the dark mental abyss of dementia and then be lost inside it for years made me realize that it is downright inhumane to not offer end of life assistance to people.
  - bluefirebrand 1y ago
    I have conflicting feelings on it On one hand, I had a similar experience with my grandfather. He eventually couldn't even remember to speak English, he reverted to his childhood language. When we translated, he thought I was a childhood friend of his, not his grandson. It was awful But sometimes he would be so lucid and remember everything. It was so awful thinking that "he is still in there" the idea of him choosing to end it and not have those last few times to talk.. I dunno During one of those lucid times was the most deep and important conversation I ever had with him. He understood what was happening and it gave him the freedom (courage?) to talk about things he'd never talked to me about before. It was so important to me as a young man, I cannot imagine if he had signed an end of life form and I never got to see that side of him before he passed Selfish of me I know. But still. Maybe this really just highlights how important it is for people to really talk to one another when they are alive
    - squigz 1y ago
      > I have conflicting feelings on it As ardent a supporter of assisted death as I am, I really don't think there's any other way to feel about it. You illustrate exactly why these types of choices will never be easy.
      - bluefirebrand 1y ago
        Yeah, to clarify I do support it. I think reducing suffering is a noble goal and allowing people to choose not to suffer needlessly is overall a good thing But it definitely is not cut and dry and I can see why some people are extremely resistant to the idea
        1y ago
- animal531 1y ago
  When I was 20 I could come up with an idea and just sit and my computer and code it over however many hours without experiencing any issues. If I was reading a book as a teen my eyes would eventually get a little fuzzy, but we're talking margins here. Now I'm close to 50 and a confluence of things have hit me. I figured out that I have a crippling case of ADD (who knew?) and the medication has been amazing. I really want to code more and have so many ideas and things I want (and financially speaking need) to work on, but my eyes are taking a tremendous amount of strain, so in the end a whole portion of the gains feels as if they're being wasted. The old brain is at least still firing, when that begins to go I'm not sure what I'm going to have left.
kevingadd 1y ago
If you experience temporary cognitive decline like this definitely pay attention to it, it can indicate serious stressors in your life that need to be dealt with immediately. It can get worse steadily if you ignore it!
- bluefirebrand 1y ago
  I am actually just starting to go on medical leave from work due to this My performance has been going down, my anxiety and stress are through the roof. Honestly you wouldn't know it from talking to me, other than the fact my memory is shot I'm completely forgetting stuff minutes after it happens I'm very unhappy with the feeling, and I hate going on leave for this, but I have to. I'm not even 40 and this is the second time in my life I've burned out hard like this
  - beng-nl 1y ago
    Good luck friend
    - bluefirebrand 1y ago
      Thank you, very kind of you I mostly wanted to share my current state so if other people reading also recognize themselves in it, hopefully they realize it isn't normal and they also go seek help As for me I will be okay. I've been through this before on my own and managed. This time I have a partner to help me through too
  - zellyn 1y ago
    This happened to me during the pandemic. High (insupportable) stress, plus a year or two of significantly too little sleep, plus social isolation. It was terrifying. I had just seen my mom taken by Alzheimer’s (or something similar) way too young, and thought my life was over. All the tests coming back negative, making a point of hanging out with friends, returning to the office, and getting enough sleep seemed to help, and it slowly started getting better.
    - 1y ago
DougN7 1y ago
What is “the genie” that is referred to a few times? An AI coding copilot?
- zellyn 1y ago
  Yes. LLMs
GarnetFloride 1y ago
I was in a car crash and spent a month in the hospital where they gave me heavy-duty pain killers. I could tell I was having cognitive issues because I couldn't remember words that I knew I used before, but I wasn't curious about it. After a while they halved the prescription and after a few hours I could feel my words returning. It was terrifying to feel my IQ rise substantially. Before I left eh hospital they gave me various cognitive and mental tests and it was reassuring to be told that I was in the 96 percentile of my peer group (college educated, engineers) We deal with a parent with dementia and another with a stroke. The difficult part with all of these are not really seeing the decline from the inside, sometimes there are the acknowledgment of hints of decline but mostly you don't want to think about it and compensate as best as you can.
- nottorp 1y ago
  Heavy duty pain killers tend to do that but it's temporary. I remember having a particularly nasty dentist visit after which I kept myself stuffed with a painkiller i hadn't head of, on her instructions. Then going to the corner store and forgetting why I went there. Permanent cognitive decline is another, much sadder, topic.
squeegee_scream 1y ago
I've had cognitive decline over the past 6 years. I turn 41 this year. It's strongly (maybe solely) due to stress, anxiety, depression, migraines, and insomnia. This entire clusterfuck started 6 years ago because, while I had the skills to excel in school and career, I was sorely lacking in the skills to be a father, husband, and homeowner. When I got married and we began having children, my decline began. But it was slow enough and normal enough at first (new parents often don't get enough sleep, they often have extra stress and anxiety, etc) that I did nothing to combat it. It wasn't until 2021 with all the added awfulness of 18 months of a global pandemic that it become obvious things were unsustainable. I was barely able to function at work, I was being put on a PIP, and I was almost completely absent from my family. When I was with my family I was irritable, angry, constantly complaining. I got on antidepressants and that helped, though it came with it's own set of problems. I started seeing counselors, reading self-help books, I went through 6 months of cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBTi), working with a neurologist to get migraines under control, seeking help wherever I could. It has been a slow process but I'm doing a lot better. I'm still nowhere near where I was cognitively. In fact I don't know that has improved much at all. And it's only been in the past year that I've began to understand my decline as a result of jumping into marriage, fatherhood, and home ownership without the necessary skills to handle them. I'm hopeful things will continue to improve, I've learned an enormous amount about life, fatherhood, marriage, love, forgiveness, hope, and priorities. If you are a young parent, or considering being a parent soon, work on yourself. Ensure you have the skills you need or your life (and the lives of those near to you) will become a bag of utter despair filled with shit.
- 12_throw_away 1y ago
  Hey I think you might be me, this is basically me in most respects. I have nothing helpful to say except to say yeah, this is a real thing that I think many people are silently suffering through right now, 5-ish years post-pandemic.
- mickelsen 1y ago
  Hey. I also fell through the cracks during the pandemic, laid off at the height of the hiring market, but unable and unwilling to go back, developed tinnitus (gone, phew!), had cognitive issues too that really took a lot of time to improve, and I'm only in my 30s. But it got better, and I'm in a better place now. It felt like I'd never get there; always tiny improvements but not quite there. Last year I finally felt the burnout gone. I stopped being so cynical. My life was better already, but still my mind was not quite there yet. Now just this year I've rekindled my curiosity, using my free time again for little projects, not leaving piles of unfinished stuff around the house, it's something that's even noticeable from the outside - the little things. So now, moving forward, I take it easy, forgive myself, try again and don't subject myself to unattainable benchmarks.
deleted 1y ago
[deleted]
cjbgkagh 1y ago
I used to get this pretty regularly, I thought I just keep burning out. I have an unusually high IQ and noticed that my symptoms were very similar to the string of condensed matter physicists that committed suicide. Their descriptions of their health issues before they killed themselves mirrored my own and I too used the Flowers from Algernon to describe my difficulties to others. I shared other weird stuff like extreme sleep difficulty and extreme noise intolerance. I found out only relatively recently it was due to ME/CFS which was from undiagnosed hEDS, a condition nowhere near as rare as it’s thought to be. I had been to see a huge amount of doctors and none of them diagnosed me with this despite being a walking bag of symptoms and having extreme hyper-mobility. Anyway, I think tech, like physics, has a fairly strong IQ selection criteria bias so I’ve noticed a concentration of the same health issues here on HN. The characteristic brain fog seems to be tied to dysautonomia and excess IL-1B pro-inflammatory cytokines. I treat the latter with a strict no sugar diet, and high doses of D3, TUDCA, and DIM. I treat the dysautonomia with LDN, modafinil, amitryptiline, and a low dose of semaglutide (ozempic).
- antisthenes 1y ago
  > The characteristic brain fog seems to be tied to dysautonomia and excess IL-1B pro-inflammatory cytokines. I treat the latter with a strict no sugar diet, and high doses of D3, TUDCA, and DIM. I treat the dysautonomia with LDN, modafinil, amitryptiline, and a low dose of semaglutide (ozempic). Does it work?
  - cjbgkagh 1y ago
    Very much so, night and day. I’ve been pretty much issue free for 2 years, except for PEM which means I have to avoid cardio. I don’t know how to fix that. Instead of cardio I eat healthy and lift weights. I was one of those gifted kids which was a hell of an advantage but things slipped away from me as I got older, now I’m back and as good as ever.
- marliechiller 1y ago
  Interesting - your story of ME/CFS mirrors mine. Mine was triggered by a really mild cold a couple of years back, likely COVID. Thankfully a lot more research is going on into this, and im mostly back to full health now but the brain fog made me doubt myself at work a lot more than usual.
at_a_remove 1y ago
I have a fairly unusual genetic disorder, and quite rare to boot in this particular variant. The gold standard cocktail contains a medication which, while effective in dealing with one facet of the pain, absolutely turns down the dimmer switch on my mind in fairly particular ways. Gait is affected the next day, along with a mild aphasia. During the peak, however, I am dumb as a box of rocks. Math and spatial business seem fine. I can still program, however. Just do not talk to me, as communication is ... troublesome. I usually skip this portion of the cocktail unless things are particularly bad. The disorder is progressive, so when it comes for my brain, well, that's when things are over. I do not have much going on for me in terms of personal value except for, well, solving problems. A very close friend of mine has had two hospitalizations for gangrene, and the second one absolutely devastated his cognitive abilities. He has leveled off at about eighty-five percent of where he was before. If he is tired or feeling unwell, verbal perseveration begins. My mother is fairly well-on in her years. She used to have a tremendous vocabulary, despite her very limited education. Now, she has begun to lose words and I end up "translating" for her because I know what she is getting at. She could do crosswords but refuses to, even the Monday selections, which are typically the easiest. Very recently, she has begun misplacing things. I had my suspicions, and during a routine head, neck, and brain imaging for something else, I checked out the results and, sure enough, some loss of volume in the right hippocampus.
eszed 1y ago
> I’ve always identified with my thinking—I have value because I’m smart. Turns out, as with all attachment, this is a mistake. I experienced a period of severe cognitive deficit while recovering from a medical episode. We didn't know whether it would be permanent or not. I also discovered - as a fellow my-IQ-is-my-identity person - that it didn't matter anywhere near as much as I'd have expected it would. I was still able to experience love, and joy, and humour. Some things sucked, and were frustrating, like not being able to retain enough information to read a moderately-complex piece of prose, but the point is that I still felt like myself, even at a very low cognitive level. I'm immensely comforted. I expect I'll experience that again, as I (hopefully!) age, but it holds no particular terror anymore.
kp1197 1y ago
It is unclear to me is whether Kent recovered his cognitive ability or not. He says he has, "thanks to the genie" (which seems to be his name for coding LLMs). Does this mean that with a genie, he is now able to produce like he was before? Or that he used a genie to help "re-train" himself?

102 points by KentBeck 1y ago

> When I re-read Flowers for Algernon recently I was just sad. The second half of the story, where his mind is going away, is just brutal, especially when he can remember how smart he was but knows it's gone for good. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21544149 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21544149 "Von Neumann would carry on a conversation with my 3-year-old son, and the two of them would talk as equals, and I sometimes wondered if he used the same principle when he talked to the rest of us." - Edward Teller I watched a documentary from the 80ies a long time ago. A mathematician (can't remember his name) who worked with von Neumann in Los Alamanos was interviewed. He described von Neumann's last weeks in the hospital - the cancer had already metastasized into his brain. The mathematician said something along this lines (I am citing from memory): "von Neumann was constantly visited by colleagues, who wanted to discuss their latest work with him. He tried to keep up, struggling, like in old times. But he couldn't. Try to imagine having one of the greatest minds maybe in the history of mankind. And then try to imagine losing this gift. I was terrible. I have never seen a man experience greater suffering." Marina von Neumann (his daughter) later wrote this about his final weeks: "After only a few minutes, my father made what seemed to be a very peculiar and frightening request from a man who was widely regarded as one of the greatest - if not the greatest - mathematician of the 20th century. He wanted me to give him two numbers, like 7 and 6 or 10 and 3, and ask him to tell me their sum. For as long as I can remember, I had always known that my father's major source of self-regard, what he felt to be the very essence of his being, was his incredible mental capacity. In this late stage of his illness, he must have been aware that this capacity was deteriorating rapidly, and the panic that caused was worse than any physical pain. In demanding that I test him on these elementary sums, he was seeking reassurance that at least a small fragment of this intellectual powers remained."

squigz 1y ago
Now keep in mind that that frustration - the absolute torture of losing who and what you are - applies to everyone going through something like this, not just the greatest minds of their time. Makes me glad that we're starting to look at assisted dying more seriously...
- tough 1y ago
  why not try to cure alzheimer or other mental diseases that show up on the elderly instead?
  - squigz 1y ago
    Are these mutually exclusive ideas? Can we not pursue research in this area while not forcing families to watch their loved ones slowly lose their mind and wither away?
    - tough 1y ago
      I guess we can explore both, but I'd ask you to research how these laws are already affecting families too in new ways on places where eutanasia is already legal. It's easy on older -about to die-, people, but what about not such clear cut cases, some families are actually against their beloved ones taking their lifes, and the state allowing it, (Parents suing their offspring, to try and not have them do it, for example) and yes, a judge rules out on such cases, but to me, well, i dont see why the state should -sanction- taking your own life, when is something that shouldn't be natural, there's medical cases for sure, but laws sadly aren't perfect, i'd rather have no one wrongly off themselves
      - squigz 1y ago
        > I guess we can explore both, but I'd ask you to research how these laws are already affecting families too in new ways on places where eutanasia is already legal. Can you provide some reading? Because this doesn't really mean much by itself. > It's easy on older -about to die-, people, but what about not such clear cut cases, some families are actually against their beloved ones taking their lifes, and the state allowing it, (Parents suing their offspring, to try and not have them do it, for example) Then those families can talk about it and the person dying can make their choice. The families who don't like it can do what they want, just like those who do want it. > when is something that shouldn't be natural, Almost nothing about our modern life is "natural", including most of medicine. That said, how is death unnatural?
kcplate 1y ago
> In this late stage of his illness, he must have been aware that this capacity was deteriorating rapidly, and the panic that caused was worse than any physical pain. I watched my father go through this (due to Alzheimer’s) before he passed away. He would say “I don’t understand why I just can’t think like I used to”. It was heartbreaking. He was a brilliant mathematician before the disease put him in a mental prison. It was pure torture for him.
Workaccount2 1y ago
Watching my grandmother slide helplessly into the dark mental abyss of dementia and then be lost inside it for years made me realize that it is downright inhumane to not offer end of life assistance to people.
- bluefirebrand 1y ago
  I have conflicting feelings on it On one hand, I had a similar experience with my grandfather. He eventually couldn't even remember to speak English, he reverted to his childhood language. When we translated, he thought I was a childhood friend of his, not his grandson. It was awful But sometimes he would be so lucid and remember everything. It was so awful thinking that "he is still in there" the idea of him choosing to end it and not have those last few times to talk.. I dunno During one of those lucid times was the most deep and important conversation I ever had with him. He understood what was happening and it gave him the freedom (courage?) to talk about things he'd never talked to me about before. It was so important to me as a young man, I cannot imagine if he had signed an end of life form and I never got to see that side of him before he passed Selfish of me I know. But still. Maybe this really just highlights how important it is for people to really talk to one another when they are alive
  - squigz 1y ago
    > I have conflicting feelings on it As ardent a supporter of assisted death as I am, I really don't think there's any other way to feel about it. You illustrate exactly why these types of choices will never be easy.
    - bluefirebrand 1y ago
      Yeah, to clarify I do support it. I think reducing suffering is a noble goal and allowing people to choose not to suffer needlessly is overall a good thing But it definitely is not cut and dry and I can see why some people are extremely resistant to the idea
      - 1y ago
animal531 1y ago
When I was 20 I could come up with an idea and just sit and my computer and code it over however many hours without experiencing any issues. If I was reading a book as a teen my eyes would eventually get a little fuzzy, but we're talking margins here. Now I'm close to 50 and a confluence of things have hit me. I figured out that I have a crippling case of ADD (who knew?) and the medication has been amazing. I really want to code more and have so many ideas and things I want (and financially speaking need) to work on, but my eyes are taking a tremendous amount of strain, so in the end a whole portion of the gains feels as if they're being wasted. The old brain is at least still firing, when that begins to go I'm not sure what I'm going to have left.

kevingadd 1y ago

If you experience temporary cognitive decline like this definitely pay attention to it, it can indicate serious stressors in your life that need to be dealt with immediately. It can get worse steadily if you ignore it!

bluefirebrand 1y ago
I am actually just starting to go on medical leave from work due to this My performance has been going down, my anxiety and stress are through the roof. Honestly you wouldn't know it from talking to me, other than the fact my memory is shot I'm completely forgetting stuff minutes after it happens I'm very unhappy with the feeling, and I hate going on leave for this, but I have to. I'm not even 40 and this is the second time in my life I've burned out hard like this
- beng-nl 1y ago
  Good luck friend
  - bluefirebrand 1y ago
    Thank you, very kind of you I mostly wanted to share my current state so if other people reading also recognize themselves in it, hopefully they realize it isn't normal and they also go seek help As for me I will be okay. I've been through this before on my own and managed. This time I have a partner to help me through too
- zellyn 1y ago
  This happened to me during the pandemic. High (insupportable) stress, plus a year or two of significantly too little sleep, plus social isolation. It was terrifying. I had just seen my mom taken by Alzheimer’s (or something similar) way too young, and thought my life was over. All the tests coming back negative, making a point of hanging out with friends, returning to the office, and getting enough sleep seemed to help, and it slowly started getting better.
  - 1y ago

DougN7 1y ago

What is “the genie” that is referred to a few times? An AI coding copilot?

zellyn 1y ago
Yes. LLMs

GarnetFloride 1y ago

I was in a car crash and spent a month in the hospital where they gave me heavy-duty pain killers. I could tell I was having cognitive issues because I couldn't remember words that I knew I used before, but I wasn't curious about it. After a while they halved the prescription and after a few hours I could feel my words returning. It was terrifying to feel my IQ rise substantially. Before I left eh hospital they gave me various cognitive and mental tests and it was reassuring to be told that I was in the 96 percentile of my peer group (college educated, engineers) We deal with a parent with dementia and another with a stroke. The difficult part with all of these are not really seeing the decline from the inside, sometimes there are the acknowledgment of hints of decline but mostly you don't want to think about it and compensate as best as you can.

nottorp 1y ago
Heavy duty pain killers tend to do that but it's temporary. I remember having a particularly nasty dentist visit after which I kept myself stuffed with a painkiller i hadn't head of, on her instructions. Then going to the corner store and forgetting why I went there. Permanent cognitive decline is another, much sadder, topic.

squeegee_scream 1y ago

I've had cognitive decline over the past 6 years. I turn 41 this year. It's strongly (maybe solely) due to stress, anxiety, depression, migraines, and insomnia. This entire clusterfuck started 6 years ago because, while I had the skills to excel in school and career, I was sorely lacking in the skills to be a father, husband, and homeowner. When I got married and we began having children, my decline began. But it was slow enough and normal enough at first (new parents often don't get enough sleep, they often have extra stress and anxiety, etc) that I did nothing to combat it. It wasn't until 2021 with all the added awfulness of 18 months of a global pandemic that it become obvious things were unsustainable. I was barely able to function at work, I was being put on a PIP, and I was almost completely absent from my family. When I was with my family I was irritable, angry, constantly complaining. I got on antidepressants and that helped, though it came with it's own set of problems. I started seeing counselors, reading self-help books, I went through 6 months of cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBTi), working with a neurologist to get migraines under control, seeking help wherever I could. It has been a slow process but I'm doing a lot better. I'm still nowhere near where I was cognitively. In fact I don't know that has improved much at all. And it's only been in the past year that I've began to understand my decline as a result of jumping into marriage, fatherhood, and home ownership without the necessary skills to handle them. I'm hopeful things will continue to improve, I've learned an enormous amount about life, fatherhood, marriage, love, forgiveness, hope, and priorities. If you are a young parent, or considering being a parent soon, work on yourself. Ensure you have the skills you need or your life (and the lives of those near to you) will become a bag of utter despair filled with shit.

12_throw_away 1y ago
Hey I think you might be me, this is basically me in most respects. I have nothing helpful to say except to say yeah, this is a real thing that I think many people are silently suffering through right now, 5-ish years post-pandemic.
mickelsen 1y ago
Hey. I also fell through the cracks during the pandemic, laid off at the height of the hiring market, but unable and unwilling to go back, developed tinnitus (gone, phew!), had cognitive issues too that really took a lot of time to improve, and I'm only in my 30s. But it got better, and I'm in a better place now. It felt like I'd never get there; always tiny improvements but not quite there. Last year I finally felt the burnout gone. I stopped being so cynical. My life was better already, but still my mind was not quite there yet. Now just this year I've rekindled my curiosity, using my free time again for little projects, not leaving piles of unfinished stuff around the house, it's something that's even noticeable from the outside - the little things. So now, moving forward, I take it easy, forgive myself, try again and don't subject myself to unattainable benchmarks.

deleted 1y ago

[deleted]

cjbgkagh 1y ago

I used to get this pretty regularly, I thought I just keep burning out. I have an unusually high IQ and noticed that my symptoms were very similar to the string of condensed matter physicists that committed suicide. Their descriptions of their health issues before they killed themselves mirrored my own and I too used the Flowers from Algernon to describe my difficulties to others. I shared other weird stuff like extreme sleep difficulty and extreme noise intolerance. I found out only relatively recently it was due to ME/CFS which was from undiagnosed hEDS, a condition nowhere near as rare as it’s thought to be. I had been to see a huge amount of doctors and none of them diagnosed me with this despite being a walking bag of symptoms and having extreme hyper-mobility. Anyway, I think tech, like physics, has a fairly strong IQ selection criteria bias so I’ve noticed a concentration of the same health issues here on HN. The characteristic brain fog seems to be tied to dysautonomia and excess IL-1B pro-inflammatory cytokines. I treat the latter with a strict no sugar diet, and high doses of D3, TUDCA, and DIM. I treat the dysautonomia with LDN, modafinil, amitryptiline, and a low dose of semaglutide (ozempic).

antisthenes 1y ago
> The characteristic brain fog seems to be tied to dysautonomia and excess IL-1B pro-inflammatory cytokines. I treat the latter with a strict no sugar diet, and high doses of D3, TUDCA, and DIM. I treat the dysautonomia with LDN, modafinil, amitryptiline, and a low dose of semaglutide (ozempic). Does it work?
- cjbgkagh 1y ago
  Very much so, night and day. I’ve been pretty much issue free for 2 years, except for PEM which means I have to avoid cardio. I don’t know how to fix that. Instead of cardio I eat healthy and lift weights. I was one of those gifted kids which was a hell of an advantage but things slipped away from me as I got older, now I’m back and as good as ever.
marliechiller 1y ago
Interesting - your story of ME/CFS mirrors mine. Mine was triggered by a really mild cold a couple of years back, likely COVID. Thankfully a lot more research is going on into this, and im mostly back to full health now but the brain fog made me doubt myself at work a lot more than usual.

at_a_remove 1y ago

I have a fairly unusual genetic disorder, and quite rare to boot in this particular variant. The gold standard cocktail contains a medication which, while effective in dealing with one facet of the pain, absolutely turns down the dimmer switch on my mind in fairly particular ways. Gait is affected the next day, along with a mild aphasia. During the peak, however, I am dumb as a box of rocks. Math and spatial business seem fine. I can still program, however. Just do not talk to me, as communication is ... troublesome. I usually skip this portion of the cocktail unless things are particularly bad. The disorder is progressive, so when it comes for my brain, well, that's when things are over. I do not have much going on for me in terms of personal value except for, well, solving problems. A very close friend of mine has had two hospitalizations for gangrene, and the second one absolutely devastated his cognitive abilities. He has leveled off at about eighty-five percent of where he was before. If he is tired or feeling unwell, verbal perseveration begins. My mother is fairly well-on in her years. She used to have a tremendous vocabulary, despite her very limited education. Now, she has begun to lose words and I end up "translating" for her because I know what she is getting at. She could do crosswords but refuses to, even the Monday selections, which are typically the easiest. Very recently, she has begun misplacing things. I had my suspicions, and during a routine head, neck, and brain imaging for something else, I checked out the results and, sure enough, some loss of volume in the right hippocampus.

eszed 1y ago

> I’ve always identified with my thinking—I have value because I’m smart. Turns out, as with all attachment, this is a mistake. I experienced a period of severe cognitive deficit while recovering from a medical episode. We didn't know whether it would be permanent or not. I also discovered - as a fellow my-IQ-is-my-identity person - that it didn't matter anywhere near as much as I'd have expected it would. I was still able to experience love, and joy, and humour. Some things sucked, and were frustrating, like not being able to retain enough information to read a moderately-complex piece of prose, but the point is that I still felt like myself, even at a very low cognitive level. I'm immensely comforted. I expect I'll experience that again, as I (hopefully!) age, but it holds no particular terror anymore.

kp1197 1y ago

It is unclear to me is whether Kent recovered his cognitive ability or not. He says he has, "thanks to the genie" (which seems to be his name for coding LLMs). Does this mean that with a genie, he is now able to produce like he was before? Or that he used a genie to help "re-train" himself?