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Early in my career, a manager once had me repeat to him that I would be terminated if I failed to do X, like I was a 5-year-old. X was referring to a technical
by Non24Throw 6y ago
Early in my career, a manager once had me repeat to him that I would be terminated if I failed to do X, like I was a 5-year-old.
X was referring to a technical implementation detail that he had zero understanding of. He read something in a blog post I guess.
My reaction was to act like it was a fun joke or something. But inside, I absolutely loathed him every second of every day until I quit, and now I take great satisfaction knowing that I’ve surpassed him and would never do a thing to help his stagnating career. (In other words, I’m holding an extremely petty and lasting grudge.)
But my point is, he probably thought I was fine with all his joking. I always laughed.
To expand on the article’s point, I think the biggest thing young managers don’t understand is that people are going to be insincere to you as a basic showing of respect and a basic desire for career preservation. They’re going to smile and appear to enjoy you and laugh at your jokes and seem ok with everything, much moreso than they otherwise would. So don’t make the mistake of using their reactions to define your boundaries of what’s acceptable or what’s funny, because it’s not a typical relationship, and you will invariably believe that you are funnier than you are and that a wider range of unacceptable behaviors are acceptable.
- mjayhn 6y ago> To expand on the article’s point, I think the biggest thing young managers don’t understand is that people are going to be insincere to you as a basic showing of respect and a basic desire for career preservation. They’re going to smile and appear to enjoy you and laugh at your jokes and seem ok with everything, much moreso than they otherwise would. I know it's hard and it took me until my 30s with a long career behind me but I really wish people would be more vocal about their issues to their managers, even if it's about their management style or them burning people out, etc. There is a huge chance that you're not the only one with those feelings and there might be people newer to the team or career that are afraid of speaking up for things that they really truly disagree with, or just the people who get anxious with confrontation.
- Non24Throw 6y agoYour perception of the risks associated with providing that feedback isn’t the same as everyone else’s. When you’re young, and especially if you come from a lower income background (where authority is treated as an absolute, and abuse of authority is generally more common and accepted), it can seem very risky and feel very unacceptable to give this kind of feedback to your manager. It’s easy for me to agree with you now, but there are very different feelings about this across different backgrounds and cultures, and there are plenty of managers who would react harshly to this.
- ironmagma 6y agoThere is also tremendous internal pressure not to rock the boat, if you are in a place with not much job mobility.
- cambalache 6y agoThat is a good feeling but it is career suicide. Adulation and compliance is a sweet currency and if you dont use it (it is OK) other people will and they will be moved ahead of you time and time again.
- noisy_boy 6y agoSometimes you have responsibilities and you can't risk the job on the off chance that your feedback hits the wrong buttons.
- nogabebop23 6y agoThere's just no upside in this approach. Educate your manager? It wasn't asked for, won't work and is not appreciated. Make the world a better place? You're better off making your world a better place by leaving or changing positions.
- vkou 6y ago> There is a huge chance that you're not the only one with those feelings and there might be people newer to the team or career that are afraid of speaking up for things that they really truly disagree with, or just the people who get anxious with confrontation. There's a huge chance that, if you are actually working in a toxic environment, complaining about it will result in blowback directly targeted at you.
- jaaron 6y agoAll the other comments note how risky the approach of giving feedback to your boss is, and they're right. As a manager, it's on ME to setup the environment for candid feedback. It's something I have to emphasize over and over again and demonstrate very clearly and publicly to everyone that it's ok and it's what I expect. If the boss isn't creating that environment, then it's a risky, uphill battle for any subordinate to create change. Not impossible, but it's difficult to recommend it.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- CapriciousCptl 6y agoHow about saying, “please don’t joke about firing me?” Feedback is a 2-way street and people aren’t mind readers.
- zeroxfe 6y agoThis disregards the power imbalance -- lots of employees (especially junior ones) are not comfortable being so firm with their managers.
- CapriciousCptl 6y agoPart of life is tactfully dealing with people who have power over you. It’s not very comfortable for anyone.
- cmonnow 6y agoWisdom is realizing no one really has power over you. You are voluntarily & temporarily handing over that power to someone else in exchange for money. The moment you renounce your desire for money from that company, you get back that power you handed over. And that was, is, and will, always be your decision. Thus, the power never left your hands.
- biztos 6y ago> you renounce your desire for money from that company All well and good if you can afford it. If you can not, then the existential wisdom is a lot less useful than, say, worker's rights.
- notJim 6y ago> You are voluntarily & temporarily handing over that power to someone else in exchange for money. The thing you're missing is that money is required to live. If I "voluntarily" decide to stop earning it, or if I end up in a job where I earn substantially less, a state employee with a gun will eventually show up to my house and evict me from it. If I am hungry and take some food from a store, a state employee with a gun will put me in a cage. The idea that there's no power dynamic at play here is absurd.
- strikelaserclaw 6y agoI could think of no context where this would sound like a joke, him having you repeat that like a child just sounds emasculating.