stroz

7 ms·

1.
by stroz 28d ago
AI;DR
2.
by stroz 8mo ago
I believe your dad figured out the secret! The people who never run out of friends are the ones who stopped counting whose turn it is.
3.
The simplest advice I ever got about loneliness(soonly.com)
2 points by stroz 8mo ago|3 comments
4.
The Simplest Advice I Ever Got About Loneliness(soonly.com)
1 points by stroz 8mo ago|2 comments
5.
by stroz 1y ago
You're right, it's definitely a prisoner's dilemma. Except in this version, the punishment is usually just awkwardness, and the reward is sometimes igniting life changing connections. It's asymmetrical reward.
6.
by stroz 1y ago
It's so easy to overthink the content when it's about the contact. What if it's just "saw this and thought of you"? Could be anything. The connection isn't in having the perfect topic, it's in remembering
7.
by stroz 1y ago
You captured the human condition perfectly. We're all walking contradictions trying to guess which fences are real. One way to look at it is to just test one fence. Just one. If it shocks you, now you know. If it doesn't, now you&
8.
by stroz 1y ago
You're not wrong. Some of us need space more than connection. Your birthday, your rules. There's a difference between healthy boundaries and unnecessary barriers, and it's very personal. The key is knowing which is which.
9.
by stroz 1y ago
You're right, socializing has different costs for different people. Some fences are boundaries, not barriers and that's ok! Not every fence needs to come down. Honor what serves you.
10.
by stroz 1y ago
Growing up inside the fence means never learning there was an outside. Learning as an adult is like learning a new language, slow, often awkward, but possible. Start tiny. One word texts. "Hey!" No pressure for conversation. Just
11.
by stroz 1y ago
The fear of no response is real. It's not about logic, it's about old wounds. What helps is sending messages with zero expectation. Treat it like throwing paper airplanes. Some fly, some don't. And that's completely ok!
12.
by stroz 1y ago
Thanks for saying this! Following up is the invisible fence that kills more opportunities than anything. You're completely right, sending the second message isn't pushy, it's just acknowledging we're all drowning in noti
13.
by stroz 1y ago
Kids see through our nonsense so clearly. Your daughter just gave you the permission you've been waiting 20 years for. "Did you have a fight?" "No!" "Then write to her." That simple. The fence only exists
14.
by stroz 1y ago
That's amazing to hear! And it definitely feels scary every time. "Perhaps I'm too sentimental" --> I disagree, you're just brave enough to admit you care. That birthday message that still means something years l
15.
by stroz 1y ago
Agreed, there’s so much wisdom captured so simply in this comment. I’m still thinking about it.
16.
by stroz 1y ago
Fair point! The irony isn't lost on me, writing about breaking free from systems while building another one. Sometimes we need training wheels before we can ride free. The goal is shifting the mindset, and ultimately making the systems
17.
by stroz 1y ago
Wow, this is incredible. You just proved that connection is 90% attitude, 10% history. You became friends because you acted like friends. Sometimes not knowing the "rules" is the superpower.
18.
by stroz 1y ago
The fact that you're asking means you already know the answer. Old dogs learn new tricks every day, they just call it wisdom instead of learning. Pick one person. Send one text. That's honestly it!
19.
by stroz 1y ago
COVID emptied a lot of our tanks. Sometimes the fence isn't fear, it's just straight up exhaustion. The tank refills slowly, and you're allowed to be gentle with yourself. Sometimes it just starts with noticing when you think
20.
by stroz 1y ago
Absolutely love the idea of "Targeted gratitude". You're right that sometimes the pain makes us shy away from looking directly at root causes. Gratitude as a way to hold the pain while we work through it is a profound idea. S
21.
by stroz 1y ago
This gave me chills! One text changes everything. That 7 hour drive is what breaking free from old stories looks like. Thank you for sharing this, stories like yours are why I wrote this piece.
22.
by stroz 1y ago
Thank you so much for sharing this! What you’re doing is honestly amazing. You skip the negotiation about whether we’re allowed to be human with each other. You just assume connection is the default. The truth is that people mirror the ener
23.
by stroz 1y ago
You're right, we see everyone else's fences perfectly while blind to our own. Here's what helped me most, when I hit a painful thought, I try to think about it as, "What are you protecting me from?" Usually it'
24.
The electric fence stopped working years ago(soonly.com)
363 points by stroz 1y ago|146 comments
25.
by stroz 1y ago
Author here: Walking past a house recently, I watched a dog refuse to leave his porch as the owner explained that the electric fence has been broken for years. It hit me, we're all trapped by fences that stopped working long ago. The m
26.
Subtract(sive.rs)
5 points by stroz 1y ago|0 comments
27.
by stroz 1y ago
Thank you! I've gone ahead and updated the title. It now matches the title on the post.
28.
by stroz 1y ago
Thank you for pointing this out! By "missing social cues" I mean we're not recognizing that it's safe to reach out, we're missing the cue that the "fence" (fear of rejection, seeming needy, etc.) isn'
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The Electric Fence Stopped Working Years Ago(soonly.com)
8 points by stroz 1y ago|6 comments
30.
by stroz 1y ago
Walking past a house recently, I watched a dog refuse to leave his porch as the owner explained that the electric fence has been broken for years. It hit me, we're all trapped by fences that stopped working long ago. The mental model t

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