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An Honest Apology
- purephase 14y agoContext: http://techcrunch.com/2012/08/28/talented-shirley-hornstein/ http://techcrunch.com/2012/08/28/talented-shirley-hornstein/
- andrewcooke 14y agohuh, so why apologise now, 4 months later?
- incision 14y agoAttention. She says she has "an addictive relationship with lying". I think she's addicted to attention and lying is means to that end. 1) Lie for attention. 2) Get caught. 3) Find yourself dismissed and forgotten. 4) Apologize for attention. If everyone ignores her she'll disappear.
- rhizome 14y agoAs the post says, she's been going to therapy. I'm guessing this post is part of that as a first step in being honest.
- arthulia 14y agoHmmm... What if she's not going to therapy?
- rhizome 14y agoThen who gives an F? This is just a bunch of cheerleaders butthurt that someone was going around saying they were friends with her, with the school newspaper writers (TC/Betabeat) getting in on it because, hey, they want to be friends with the cool kids too.
- handzhiev 14y agoThanks. I really hate it when articles come on HN submitted without context assuming we all know what is all about. The submitters should provide some comments when submitting such stuff.
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- heyadam 14y ago"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
- speeder 14y agoHeh, good quote. I dumped a girlfriend about two months ago for this reason, after finding several lies (for example, I searched for resumes she had sent, and found three different age of births... why lie your age of birth on a resume?) I figured that there are no way to know what parts are true and what are not, I found no pattern, it is impossible to know when she lies and when she don't. And after reading about Ms. Shirley, I felt like I was reading about my ex-girlfriend (including stuff in the comments, like people that DO like her, but did not knew she lied so much), I am upset that I cannot believe her anymore. I am upset that I don't know if the good moments were actually good, or acting. If the praises were sincere, or manipulation...
- mdellabitta 14y agoWhy ever put your date of birth on a resume? It just opens you up to discrimination.
- wahnfrieden 14y agoIt's customary and expected in some countries.
- speeder 14y agoYes, I am from Brazil, here you are supposed to place many personal details on your resume (even if you are married or not). I am not sure why though.
- herbig 14y agohttp://peterfeld.tumblr.com/post/70200626/im-not-upset-that-you-misquoted-nietzsche-im-upset http://peterfeld.tumblr.com/post/70200626/im-not-upset-that-...
- homosaur 14y agoI don't want to stake this girl up, but honestly, she should produce something that anyone cares about or shut up and go away. There's qualified people out there she basically stole from. Stole jobs that should have been theirs, stole attention that could have been directed to something legitimate... You don't get to apologize for stuff like this and have anyone care, you only get to overcome it. So until she has something to show us, I'd prefer not see her around.
- danilocampos 14y ago> Stole jobs that should have been theirs, stole attention that could have been directed to something legitimate... You really hit the nail on the head here. Her pathological addiction to lies deprived hard-working people of opportunities. And it's a blackhole situation – had those opportunities gone to legitimate people, they could have advanced. Instead, by sucking up all this value, Hornstein destroyed it. Everything she touched had a taint to it. Because everything about her was built on lies, everything she took, everything she accomplished, went nowhere. Good things that could have grown people's businesses or careers instead evaporated forever. What a poison.
- milkman 14y agoOne of the greatest things I ever learned was how to forgive like a Samurai warrior. Samurai warriors apparently didn't forgive often, but when they did they fully unburdened themselves from bad feelings. It was a friend and history buff who told me about it shortly after my marriage dissolved. It stayed with me and I even did a hypnosis script on it if anyone is interested: http://summonthewarrior.com/the-samurai-warrior-forgives/ http://summonthewarrior.com/the-samurai-warrior-forgives/
- neumann_alfred 14y agoAnything she accomplished went nowhere? One has to be complete fucking career whore to entertain that thought for a second, otherwise it's a non-sequitur; anything she accomplished was accomplished, period, and the only loss you can complain about is that she can't stick it in her resume now, like someone else could have done. Hence career whore, and I know this is going to be killed or worse but I don't care. The fucking nerve of your post, really, to call a person a poison without a second thought. The irony of it, actually. You have NO idea where she is going. Fucking up and learning from it gives you insights and even strengths you cannot have from not fucking up. Who knows, she might one day help people in similar situations, whatever. had those opportunities gone to legitimate people, they could have advanced. Right, and because of her, they are now stuck forever. Is that what you're arguing? Because it has to be either that, or that "any penny matters, time is money".. either way, this is a human talking about human stuff, what makes you think you even are competent to reply? You could have used the time you used to write that post to further your career, and now that moment evaporated forever. Better get hustling.
- dmschulman 14y agoI truly despise that attitude of "it worked for me for so long, why not keep doing it?". Pushing boundaries is one thing, maybe "hacking" your way to a single opportunity can be viewed in the light of experimentation, but being a serial deceiver is no way to live a life. I hesitate something like that to be instantly apologized away. We all fall down, we all make mistakes. Learn from those mistakes instead of trying to just get by.
- neumann_alfred 14y agoI hesitate something like that to be instantly apologized away. We all fall down, we all make mistakes. Learn from those mistakes instead of trying to just get by. Have you even read the article? Here's a quote: "please know this is not an excuse — because there is none." and "My focus now is to embrace my true self, seek forgiveness from those I have wronged, repair any outstanding damage, and learn to speak honestly from my heart. I hope I get the chance to prove this to you." Doesn't sound like someone is looking for an easy way to sweep this under the carpet to me, at all. So some reactions here are kinda curious to me. I mean sure, I don't care either: I wasn't emotionally involved with the fact that this stranger lied to other strangers, so I don't care about the apology either, it's just not something that concerns me. But I assume it didn't really affect anyone who is now being a hard-ass about her public apology, either. being a serial deceiver is no way to live a life. You say that as if that is not exactly what she wrote, too. wtf? I say good for her, and good luck. Having had relationships with chronical liars, I often thought, as much as all of that sucked and hurt, that I would MUCH rather be lied to, than be addicted to telling lies, because I'm sure that hurts, too. You know, I'd even go so far to say that usually(!), it hurts the chronical liar much more than the people they're lying to, especially when it's to be loved or respected; they really do want that respect, so desperately so that they're willing to lie for it; but what is respected is an image they made up, a lie they told. To me this is like a junkie robbing someone; yeah, that sucks, but being a junkie sucks so much more. Mind you, I am merely arguing for compassion, not justifying lies. But one thing is sure, unless you were directly affected by any of this, it's simply not your place to accept or reject this apology.
- dmschulman 14y ago
- genwin 14y agoForgive. Half of Americans think it's okay to imprison suspects for life without evidence, to kill suspects and their families in drone strikes, and many well-respected tech companies do all sorts of grievous harm. No apologies. So maybe with that in mind we shouldn't judge this individual so harshly.
- rhizome 14y agoExactly, and if you read the Betabeat article (linked in the TC article above), her crimes were 99% social offenses. The whole thing reads like a bunch of high school cheerleader bullshit. Moreso, the damage appears exclusively limited to her own reputation.
- danilocampos 14y agoShe stole people's money and resources, dude. Hardly a social offense.
- rhizome 14y ago"99%"
- danilocampos 14y agoThat's a completely baseless and arbitrary estimation. If I choose to quantify her crimes in civil terms, I can say 99% of it was theft. Don't give her a pass just because sometimes she didn't steal. Thieves who are good liars are dangerous indeed.
- rhizome 14y agoShe's not being prosecuted, and we all know people who have flaked on credit cards.
- danilocampos 14y ago
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- surlyadopter 14y agoNarcissists don't feel guilt, only shame From TLP: "But I want to change, I want to get better." Narcissism says: I, me. Never you, them. No one ever asks me, ever, "I think I'm a narcissist, and I'm worried I'm hurting my family." No one ever asks me, "I think I'm too controlling, I'm trying to subtly manipulate my girlfriend not to notice other people's qualities." No one ever, ever, ever asks me, "I am often consumed by irrational rage, I am unable to feel guilt, only shame, and when I am caught, found out, exposed, I try to break down those around me so they feel worse than I do, so they are too miserable to look down on me." If that was what they asked, I would tell them them change is within grasp. But. "So all is lost?" Describe yourself: your traits, qualities, both good and bad. Do not use the word "am." Practice this." - http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2009/01/can_narcissism_be_cured.html http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2009/01/can_narcissism_be_cur...
- neumann_alfred 14y agoArmchair psychiatrists without any reading comprehension whatsoever on the other hand, those have all the answers..
- bitcrusher 14y agoIt's terribly sad that even in her process of reformation, she is still seeking approval and validation externally. The only person she needs to prove her worth to is herself.
- scarmig 14y agoSo I'm honestly a bit confused here. She pretended to be friends with a bunch of Silicon Valley celebrities through Photoshop, and people threw money at her because of that, and people are mad at her because she was lying and wasting their money? It would be an incredibly boring story of overly rich people who should know better being scammed, except insofar as it shows some unsavory aspects of how Silicon Valley is set up.
- mnicole 14y agoI'm confused as to how anyone could think those weren't Photoshopped to begin with, they're pretty awful.
- guard-of-terra 14y agoI don't understand why would anyone care or make a big deal of it. There's no difference between someone with a fake photo near Justin Timberlake and a real one. It's not an achivement. It's not a sign of success. It's nothing. The whole idea of "startup cred" gained by having photos of you around important people disgusts me to no end. Fruitful interactions matter. Posing in photos does not. If you infer something from someone being on a same photo with someone else, you are the problem, not Shirley. I see this as a sign that most people in the "Scene" are empty extroverts too busy making impressions to make any real things happen. So you measure each other by a number of "important" people you talked to.
- guard-of-terra 14y agoTo paraphrase: There's a russian word тусовщик denoting a person who hangs around some people famous for what they do (artists, musicians, writers), knows all their gossip, has a load of stories featuring famous people, but does nothing else. Does nothing creative. Does nothing, just kind of hangs up. And that's a totally not a good thing. It's okay for teenagers if they're lucky, but grown up тусовщик is a kind of miserable lifestyle. And now you propose there are good, real тусовщики and bad, fake тусовщики. This is extremelly strange to my ear. It's like having fake alcoholics blamed for being fake.
- SparrowOS 14y agoIndia-nigger. Psychology is for arrogant retard lying fucks. God says... C:\Text\BIBLE.TXT he first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre. 20:2 Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, They have taken away the LORD out of the sepulchre, and we know not where they have laid him. 20:3 Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple, and came to the sepulchre. 20:4 So they ran both together: and the other disciple
- norswap 14y agoThis is interesting to me for one reason: the need to apologize. My, perhaps heavily biased, impression is that this is a typical American thing. I mean, what are the odds that all those people who did bad things (or things considered as bad) feel truly sorry? E.g. Lance Armstrong. Why not be honest and say "I lied"/"I cheated", "deal with it"? That would garner more respect from me than an apology that is going to sound false.