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Socializing is not a "dull chore" it is a essential component of healthy living[1] By not socializing, you are avoiding (to quote the linked article) a "fundam

• snerbles 9mo ago
  Finger-wag all you want, it's not going to make that Sisyphean boulder any lighter.
• iamnothere 9mo ago
  I guess I’m unhealthy then. Sad!
  • johnfn 9mo ago
    I do think unhealthy is the way to put it. I think that being asocial is kind of like being overweight, in that they have similarly negative effects on health[1]. Of course, being in good health is multifactorial, and just as you can find many overweight people who are otherwise in fine health, you can find many people (like yourself) who eschew social situations but are otherwise perfectly happy. Though I do think, if you extend the metaphor, that saying that socializing is a dull chore is a bit like saying exercising is a dull chore. [1] https://www.ssmhealth.com/newsroom/blogs/ssm-health-matters/august-2019/loneliness-social-isolation-harmful-to-health https://www.ssmhealth.com/newsroom/blogs/ssm-health-matters/...
• dubeye 9mo ago
  It’s perhaps possible to get the bulk of this ‘required’ socialisation from your home life though
  • iamnothere 9mo ago
    Yes. It helps to have a partner who also has a rich intellectual and/or creative life.
    • dubeye 9mo ago
      I don’t think even this is essential otherwise books would serve
  • basisword 9mo ago
    While this is true, when your relationship comes to an end you are suddenly very alone.
    • dubeye 9mo ago
      Yes but you can get new one
• nunez 9mo ago
  It definitely can be a chore. I organized a large (600+-person at its peak) Meetup in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY during Meetup's hayday (2010-ish). Meeting heaps of different people from all walks of life was interesting at first. But like a previous poster stated, connections like these are fleeting and take a lot of work to maintain (especially if you're a man, which I am; see the end of this post for more on that). Consequently, the process of meeting people eventually became very same-y after a short while, and knowing that these conversations usually won't amount to anything other than nice, fleeting moments got old. There was also the drama of managing "interesting" personalities in a free Meetup group. I passed the baton in 2012 or so, but that's another post for another day. I'll conclude this post with some unsolicited advice: try to learn what people do for work without asking them directly. EVERYONE expects this question, and it can be a conversation killer if your occupations don't intersect (less likely) or if the person you're conversing with hates their job (more likely). Everyone ALSO loves talking about themselves. Finding out how someone spends the largest part of their day without asking point-blank adds interesting twists and turns that can really liven up a conversation. It also makes you a better listener and better at asking questions. I lied; I have more unsolicited advice. The easiest way to give a shit about what someone does for work is to ask lots of questions! Unless they hate their job, in which case, you'll want to ask questions that get them talking about what they do enjoy! Typing that last paragraph reminded me of another reason why I got burned out on socializing with people. I'm a man. Most men only like sports and video games; two things I couldn't care less about. Socializing with other men as a man who dislikes these things is extremely difficult, especially in the US South, where I live. I blame the suburban lifestyle, but that, too, is another post for another day.
  • danenania 9mo ago
    Oh man, I relate so hard on the sports conversations.
    • a96 9mo ago
      Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
• deleted 9mo ago
  [deleted]
• tootie 9mo ago
  These kind of findings are probably accurate on average, but not to a person. Some people are wired differently. Some (presumably most) require community and extensive social connection. I really think that some of us just need much, much less. I don't get much sense of reward from social interactions. It really does just feel like a dull chore most of the time. Even with people I genuinely like and respect.
  • urban_strike 9mo ago
    Yeah, I've been trying to wrap my head around this recently. I always get a bit irked by the inevitable comments confidently asserting things like "humans are social animals, if you think you don't need tight social connections you're just hurting yourself". And then pointing to these results averaged out over the entire population as "proof". It seems like there's got to be some statistical fallacy being made, like asserting "all humans need visual stimulation to survive" and then all the blind people on earth shrug at the data and realize they're not human I guess? On average it's true, "all humans" would go crazy if deprived of their sight, but it turns out some people do it just fine and can have rich, human lives. I wonder if it's just when people live very social lives, the idea of deriving satisfaction in life internally, to be able to self regulate and maintain a health sense of identity without frequent input from others, is just too alien to consider. To not dislike people, or lack social skills, but just be as disinterested in socializing as I am in starting a coin collection. Or maybe all that is just extremely uncommon and experiences like mine are just a true rounding error.
    • johnfn 9mo ago
      If it helps you understand the other side - very many people, and I consider myself one of them, went through a long part of life without realizing that "humans are social animals". In my case I was very unhappy for a very long time until I realized that socialization was the missing ingredient. Worse, I didn't even realize I was unhappy, and I had persuaded myself I was fine. When you have this sort of a revelation, it's difficult to hold it in. You want to shout it from the rooftops. You want to grab every single person you can find who has a life remotely like yours years ago when you were unhappy, and save them, in the same way that you yourself needed saving. I try not to do this any more because I understand it's annoying, and the message is unlikely to successfully transmit anyways. But I suspect this is the phenomenon you are observing.
• pjerem 9mo ago
  While you are totally right, it doesn't means we are all good and/or equal when it comes to fulfilling our fundamental human needs. Your exemple is in fact good because a hella lot of people find exercice to be exactly a "dull chore". Same as eating healthy actually. So, mentioning that socializing can be, for some people, a chore doesn't go against the fact that it is something essential. You can even be conscious about it and still don't like it : I hate exercising but i still do it because, well, it's needed.
• Kiro 9mo ago
  I used to be like you, living my life based on external beliefs of what I "should" do. Once I realized that I didn't have to all my stress disappeared and I've never been happier.
  • maplant 9mo ago
    People told me I "should" exercise for years and I didn't, but when I did I suddenly got a lot less depressed and my life turned around for the better so I'm going to continue to trust other people
  • calf 9mo ago
    There is a deep irony in an argument that pushes a pro-socializing view in a black-and-white, authoritarian way, "shoulding" statements, shaming tactics. It's actually anti-social, and the authors of the cited paper probably would not agree.
    • maplant 9mo ago
      I very much doubt that the authors would disagree with the statement that socializing is a fundamental human need considering they wrote it themselves
    • mrwrong 9mo ago
      nobody's trying to force you to socialize, it's just advice. take it or leave it
  • dukeyukey 9mo ago
    You won't be happier if you don't eat healthy, stay indoors al day, avoid talking to anyone, never exercise, never clean up, because those things are considered a chore. There are things people avoid doing that are still needed to be healthy!