12 ms·

Right. Which makes it even more absurd that a Brazilian would make a singular classification to the whole lot.

vasco 11mo ago
So I live in Amsterdam and my friends are from about 6 European countries and we do the same as the Brazilian guy. Imagine being in the playground as a kid. You just are there. And if its fun, its not fun because of you, its fun because of the group which is there. So are parties, they just "are". All these rules you guys have appear to me like watching a movie about a psychopath lining up pens in the living room.
- robocat 11mo ago
  You are just being judgy. Dong think of it as rules, think of it as someone explaining etiquette. That is hard to write down without sounding weird. I bet you are oversimplifying how good parties are created in your own culture. If you tried to write down the actual etiquette it would come out sounding weird to us all. Humans create odd rituals and expectations about everything social. You only really notice it when polling at other cultures - ie is hard to see in your own culture because you implicitly understand the "rules". #1 is amazingly insightful: 1) Prioritize your ease of being over any other consideration: parties are like babies, if you’re stressed while holding them they’ll get stressed too. Every other decision is downstream of your serenity Well written. Unobvious to many. I'm sure we all recognise when a hostess or host is trying far too hard and failing badly. It is tricky to learn the skill of being a relaxed hostess/host (some people do it naturally, or have learnt from others).
  - xxs 11mo ago
    I'd also strongly support the notion - the article is very US centric, It feels overly concerned about being a host, providing close to a formal experience and expectations for/from the guests, too.
  - vasco 11mo ago
    You're being downvoted probably because hn is too sensitive to you calling me judgy but you have a good point. It's hard to write about this without sounding weird, and I guess if I wanted to write about what makes a good party I'd also sound weird. I guess my point was more about the mindset of how you even think about the thing. For me it just "is", and that's a good part of why it works. I wouldn't want to think everyone at the party is focused on maximizing the fun instead of, you know, just naturally having fun. Like imagine if during sex you think your partner is just meta-thinking about giving you a good experience - they should just be enjoying and so should you. To me this example makes it more visceral but upon reflection I'm just making a basic "live in the moment" cliche.
    - swiftcoder 11mo ago
      I don't know about the Netherlands, but having spent a bit of time in Germany, you may be underestimating the mount of party planning that is ingrained into the various European cultures. From an outside perspective, even fairly casual German gatherings feel like they are orchestrated with a level of precision that would do a military campaign proud - but the Germans I was with don't really seem to notice this (likely because they all already know their roles, and to them it's just part of their culture)
      - MrScruff 11mo ago
        I don’t think this is a specific cultural thing, in my experience some people host more curated gathering, some more relaxed and informal - doesn’t matter where you’re from. People just tend to think the way their social group does it is the ‘norm’.
        swiftcoder 11mo ago
        I think there's a cultural element to how much of it people will know to do without being explicitly told what to do. In the US successful gatherings tend to require a fair bit of wrangling - I've been to more than one potluck where everyone showed up with roughly the same dish...
- bonoboTP 11mo ago
  It's the same with dating. The American rules about first dates, second dates, the exclusivity talk etc. is just not how it works in Europe. Maybe with online dating it moves towards it, but the regular way is much more informal and low pressure.
  - hitarpetar 11mo ago
    I'm American and have no clue wtf you're talking about
    - albedoa 11mo ago
      Same. This is completely foreign to me: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45797794 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45797794 It's the conclusions of someone whose understanding of America is formed entirely from television.
dlisboa 11mo ago
Nah, Brazilian culture is pretty homogenous in that regard. A lot of our culture is dedicated to not looking posh or seeming too rich, more value is placed on being perceived as down to earth (some exceptions notwithstanding). Parties are communal and informal partly because of income: everyone realizes bankrolling a large party by themselves is pretty expensive so everyone pitches in. Even if you can afford it you don't want your guests to think you're too rich as that's not as cool. We're only exposed to formal dinner parties and large orchestrated events through fiction. Even the Brazilian fiction that features it carries a more aristocratic view of parties like that, reserved for the ultra rich who want to feel European. So that single classification is pretty correct.

vasco 11mo ago

So I live in Amsterdam and my friends are from about 6 European countries and we do the same as the Brazilian guy. Imagine being in the playground as a kid. You just are there. And if its fun, its not fun because of you, its fun because of the group which is there. So are parties, they just "are". All these rules you guys have appear to me like watching a movie about a psychopath lining up pens in the living room.

robocat 11mo ago
You are just being judgy. Dong think of it as rules, think of it as someone explaining etiquette. That is hard to write down without sounding weird. I bet you are oversimplifying how good parties are created in your own culture. If you tried to write down the actual etiquette it would come out sounding weird to us all. Humans create odd rituals and expectations about everything social. You only really notice it when polling at other cultures - ie is hard to see in your own culture because you implicitly understand the "rules". #1 is amazingly insightful: 1) Prioritize your ease of being over any other consideration: parties are like babies, if you’re stressed while holding them they’ll get stressed too. Every other decision is downstream of your serenity Well written. Unobvious to many. I'm sure we all recognise when a hostess or host is trying far too hard and failing badly. It is tricky to learn the skill of being a relaxed hostess/host (some people do it naturally, or have learnt from others).
- xxs 11mo ago
  I'd also strongly support the notion - the article is very US centric, It feels overly concerned about being a host, providing close to a formal experience and expectations for/from the guests, too.
- vasco 11mo ago
  You're being downvoted probably because hn is too sensitive to you calling me judgy but you have a good point. It's hard to write about this without sounding weird, and I guess if I wanted to write about what makes a good party I'd also sound weird. I guess my point was more about the mindset of how you even think about the thing. For me it just "is", and that's a good part of why it works. I wouldn't want to think everyone at the party is focused on maximizing the fun instead of, you know, just naturally having fun. Like imagine if during sex you think your partner is just meta-thinking about giving you a good experience - they should just be enjoying and so should you. To me this example makes it more visceral but upon reflection I'm just making a basic "live in the moment" cliche.
  - swiftcoder 11mo ago
    I don't know about the Netherlands, but having spent a bit of time in Germany, you may be underestimating the mount of party planning that is ingrained into the various European cultures. From an outside perspective, even fairly casual German gatherings feel like they are orchestrated with a level of precision that would do a military campaign proud - but the Germans I was with don't really seem to notice this (likely because they all already know their roles, and to them it's just part of their culture)
    - MrScruff 11mo ago
      I don’t think this is a specific cultural thing, in my experience some people host more curated gathering, some more relaxed and informal - doesn’t matter where you’re from. People just tend to think the way their social group does it is the ‘norm’.
      - swiftcoder 11mo ago
        I think there's a cultural element to how much of it people will know to do without being explicitly told what to do. In the US successful gatherings tend to require a fair bit of wrangling - I've been to more than one potluck where everyone showed up with roughly the same dish...
bonoboTP 11mo ago
It's the same with dating. The American rules about first dates, second dates, the exclusivity talk etc. is just not how it works in Europe. Maybe with online dating it moves towards it, but the regular way is much more informal and low pressure.
- hitarpetar 11mo ago
  I'm American and have no clue wtf you're talking about
  - albedoa 11mo ago
    Same. This is completely foreign to me: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45797794 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45797794 It's the conclusions of someone whose understanding of America is formed entirely from television.

dlisboa 11mo ago

Nah, Brazilian culture is pretty homogenous in that regard. A lot of our culture is dedicated to not looking posh or seeming too rich, more value is placed on being perceived as down to earth (some exceptions notwithstanding). Parties are communal and informal partly because of income: everyone realizes bankrolling a large party by themselves is pretty expensive so everyone pitches in. Even if you can afford it you don't want your guests to think you're too rich as that's not as cool. We're only exposed to formal dinner parties and large orchestrated events through fiction. Even the Brazilian fiction that features it carries a more aristocratic view of parties like that, reserved for the ultra rich who want to feel European. So that single classification is pretty correct.