8 ms·
Making Friends Over 30 with Grubwithus
- polyfractal 14y agoTangentially related, I think this is an excellent example of capitalizing on "Startup Micro Opportunities" [1] The original article about friends resonated strongly with HN, and GrubWithUs is a natural solution to the problems discussed in the article and thread. Writing an article like this is a great way to capitalize on that momentum. Great job GrubWithUs! =) [1] http://www.gabrielweinberg.com/blog/2010/10/startup-micro-opportunities.html http://www.gabrielweinberg.com/blog/2010/10/startup-micro-op...
- starpilot 14y agoThere's also Grouper http://joingrouper.com http://joingrouper.com, which pairs three men with three women. It only serves NYC at the moment though.
- untog 14y agoAlthough it doesn't state as such, everyone I know that has used Grouper has done it in a group dating context rather than a "making friends" one.
- starpilot 14y agoI did not know that. Thanks for the clarification.
- endersshadow 14y agoGrouper might be a little...um...different than GrubWithUs [1]. There's a little more of a feel of a "group date" rather than, "I want to meet new people." As somebody well attached, I would feel rather uncomfortable in a Grouper setting, but not in a GrubWithUs setting. [1]: http://blog.joingrouper.com/sex-in-the-bathroom-and-the-problem-of-data-g http://blog.joingrouper.com/sex-in-the-bathroom-and-the-prob...
- Psyonic 14y agoGrouper is in beta in SF as well. I've been on one and my friends have been on several. It was fun, but so far no one has made any friends (or started dating), so I don't know it's a solution to this problem.
- thaumaturgy 14y agoShucks ... doesn't seem to be a way to see if there's any activity in my area without having to sign up first. I've seen grubwithus come up occasionally but never really checked them out. Another good way to socialize after college is through meetup; meetup's got a pretty big network now, and there will be more clubs and groups in most areas than most people could reasonably hope to be active in. I just picked up a bunch of new climbing buddies out of Sacto that way and got back on the rock in Tahoe for the first time in years.
- ben1040 14y ago>Shucks ... doesn't seem to be a way to see if there's any activity in my area without having to sign up first. Yep. I signed up and after going through the signup workflow, I then found out there was nothing really going on in my neck of the woods. And then I discovered that to delete my account (which I shouldn't have had to create in the first place) I had to email them. Maybe there was a self-service account deletion option that I couldn't see, but I didn't want to spend any more time hunting for it.
- sirrealle 14y agoI always sign up for things like this with my spam account / info. If I really like the service, I just create a new account with real info if there's no easy way to delete the old account.
- chewxy 14y agoHey there, I run Strangers for Dinner, which is like GrubWithUs, except we encourage you to host your own dinner party. We also don't do the groupon thingy that GWU does. IMO, running your own dinner party is far more satisfying than meeting people for dinner/lunch. I mean, we've had 4 dinner parties in the 2 months we were running, and all 4 had been pretty dang amazing. The level of conversation, the depth, etc. I personally find it difficult to connect with people, but in a small intimate setting like my house with 5 people, that is where I (and I suspect many others) are comfortable. Give SfD a try: http://strangersfordinner.com http://strangersfordinner.com
- wkdown 14y agoNice try, GrubWithUs
- pavel_lishin 14y agoI don't think you understand that meme.
- brlewis 14y agoWhen people start talking about a problem your startup is designed to address, you'd be doing a disservice not to tell people about it or remind them of it.
- nhangen 14y agoBut this isn't an answer, it's a promotion.
- Zarathust 14y agoI have no idea what your website does, then when I click to find out more, you want me to register.
- bkyan 14y agoHey guys, slight problem on the interest selection screen: http://shadowcatcher.mindcast.com/clips/13424618268crwf9x98p.png http://shadowcatcher.mindcast.com/clips/13424618268crwf9x98p... I'm using Chrome (20.0.1132.57 m) on WinXP Home.
- daishin 14y agoThanks for the note -- we will deploy the fix for this issue tonight. Sorry for the inconvenience.
- pmarsh 14y agoNot sure why but after entering in my zipcode it started me at NYC (I'm in NJ so I expected that) but then other pages like the interests page would start showing Chicago based information.
- elliottcarlson 14y agoSame experience - I am in NYC, it started me off in Kips Bay - every time I explicitly change my locality it changes it back to Kips Bay when I navigate to a new page. Additionally, and this could be user error, but it added me to various groups I have no interest in and I had to hunt down how to leave those groups.
- jaysonelliot 14y agoI don't want to criticize the post as promotional, because it's the company blog, and it's their job to be talking about themselves. At the same time, I don't think it's a real answer to the NY Times article. You're not going to make friends over one dinner. I've gone to a couple GrubWithUs dinners, and they were great. I met interesting people, had interesting conversations, and even made some new acquaintances. I didn't "make friends," though. That's a much different thing, and comes from a different place. The original NY Times article made great points about our changing nature as we mature getting in the way of deep friendships. That's all true, but there are also logistical practicalities. The great friends you make in school or college are people that you saw every day, or at least every week, in class and around campus. You shared groups and activities, whether it was a sport, a band, drama club, your D&D group, whatever. Friendship takes repeated exposure in mundane situations. I've had some great, intense experiences with acquaintances as an adult. A few years ago, I took a cross-country road trip with a guy that I met through a mutual friend. I was writing an article about the Smart Car, and he was my photographer. We drove 4,000 miles over 12 days, and had a great time. We both live in New York, and I even run into him at the occasional show. Without a regular, everyday reason to hang out, though, we just faded into acquaintances. For people who want to have real friendships as adults, maybe what we need is some kind of structure in our lives that more closely resembles what people have earlier in life. For myself, I still have a D&D group, and while I don't want to hang out with everyone all the time, I have made some real and lasting friendships in the group. I'm sure most people could think of some way to find structure and camaraderie on a regular basis. I don't think GrubWithUs really does that, though.
- davidw 14y ago> I didn't "make friends," though. Well, you have to start somewhere, and acquaintances are a first step. My own negative reaction to the article came from the idea of being stuck next to other people at a dinner. I recall one time in Austria being sat across the table from an individual whose idea of a shower was apparently going hiking during the summer rains - and it was February. But hey, I guess everyone tries different things, and you see what works. This is as good as anything.
- whichdan 14y ago
- moron 14y agoI actually did register on Grubwithus after seeing it recommended in the original thread. It appears there is an event in my town on Thursday, and it shows a few people who will be attending. To reserve a seat, I have to pay $22. Where is the event? It doesn't say, except that the location is "near Portland" and will be revealed "soon". What will we be eating? It doesn't say. I dunno about you guys but that much info is not exactly enough for me to plunk down $22. "Near Portland" is especially ominous, that could be anywhere in a 50 mile radius. Who knows, maybe I am using it wrong.
- mnicole 14y agoDitto. Was expecting it to tell me about the dinners before the groups in my area. I assumed (because of the interests I put in) that the Young Professionals Group was hosting a dinner so I "joined" it. Then when I was on my profile, I realized that I'd only "joined" the Young Professionals group not their dinner. I had to go back to the homepage to see the to-be-determined PDX dinner date was actually being hosted by the Portland Foodies, which I am not interested in attending.
- netcorps 14y agoI just signed up as i thought it was interesting, only to find out there is no action in Berlin, Germany. Not really surprised by that. So i thought, ok, let's set up a group and a diner in a nice restaurant... So why the hell am i supposed to provide my credit card data to potentially pay $22 (??) for a meetup in a UNKNOWN, not freely choosable restaurant in Berlin? It just tells me "yo, we will set up a nice partner restaurant for you"... So i have to pay upfront (if enough people signup) for a meetup in a restaurant which i cannot choose, somewhere in Berlin, not knowing if grubwithus will actually be able to book a table in a decent restaurant (how would they know my taste....). It's also entirely unclear how much of the money goes to grubwithus, which should be clearly explained somewhere without me having to look it up in the terms and conditions or wherever it might be hidden. I'm not fast in saying "This concept will fail", but I am pretty sure this model is fundamentally flawed and will fail... I misinterpreted the platform as a nice way of setting up a diner with friends + some strangers in a restaurant of my choice (where i know the quality is good), but grubwithus doesn't allow me to do that. It's also really weird that i cannot comment in my recently created group, because the system tells me to "Slow down there partner!".
- ricardobeat 14y agoThe blog is missing a link to http://grubwithus.com http://grubwithus.com in the header or sidebar.
- wilfra 14y agoThat is very common on startup blogs. I still haven't been able to figure out why. Given how prevalent and obvious it is, it has to be intentional. Or maybe they are all just blindly copying each other and not realizing the person who started the trend made a mistake? lol
- agwa 14y agoIt's so common it was listed as mistake #1 on "5 Common Blogging Mistakes Made by Startups:" http://technicalblogging.com/5-common-blogging-mistakes-made-by-startups/ http://technicalblogging.com/5-common-blogging-mistakes-made... which was on HN a few weeks ago: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4146888 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4146888 It really drives me nuts.
- wilfra 14y agoI just did a post on it: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4253071 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4253071
- guynamedloren 14y agoFunny enough, I work at Grubwithus I just griped about this recently (for startup blogs in general): http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4245090 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4245090 Thanks for pointing this out. I'll pass the word along to the blog maintainers.
- LeBleu 14y agoIt would be nice if you could tell if there is any local activity before signing up. I'm not giving a random web site my Facebook or email when most likely no one else local is signed up anyway.
- mattangriffel 14y agoI've got to upvote this one on its timeliness and relevance alone. Startups, take note.
- okamiueru 14y agoTimeliness and relevance? Personally I find it to be neither. It is my impression that they are a bit disingenuous, and actively using HN for promotion, playing the 'we're a startup' card as hard as they can. It might have been the "groupon is evil" post they made that gave me the sour taste, which had very few interesting points, and if nothing else, was just link baiting. This was the post: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4166021 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4166021
- AndrewWarner 14y agoI did a grubwithus dinner last week and got to know a guy who's going to work out of my office on Wed and then go rowing with me after work. When I read that article's headline, I instantly thought of Grubwithus.
- hollerith 14y agoIn the discussion on yesterday's NY Times story, someone said that your coworkers are not an ideal place to find friends because of the inevitability of situations in which you have to compete with your coworkers for bonuses, the best assignments and promotions. Well, a person is not in competition with his or her cofounders. Would any who have or have had cofounders like to comment on how good having cofounders is at creating lasting friendships?
- WalterSear 14y agoIf you are competing with your coworkers, rather than working together as a team, to make sure there are opportunities for all, you don't need friends: you need a new job.
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- porter 14y agoJust join a crossfit gym. Get fit and meet dozens or hundreds of locals in a non-forced environment.
- picardo 14y agoI've gone to a few GrubWithUs events and found them terriby shallow, boring and exhausting. Throwing together a bunch of strangers at random and hoping that something sticks is a very bad strategy for making friends. I'd rather go to a Meetup where at least I can have a chance to learn something with people who care about something other than food. Being stuck at a table with the same haphazard group of people for hours? No thanks.
- silverlake 14y agoI tried GrubWithUs out of curiosity last year. They have something that looks like a social network to promote keeping in touch with people, but I didn't notice people making us of it effectively. Perhaps if it was plugged into Facebook in some way it might help people move at least to "acquaintance" stage.
- Tichy 14y agoHow likely is it to turn random strangers into friends? Seems to me a better strategy would be to do things where meeting people would already signal a common interest. Sure, we all like to eat, but that is usually not enough to form a life-lasting bond. That said, personally I am always curious about other people, and meeting people you wouldn't meet otherwise sounds like fun - for a while.
- guynamedloren 14y ago> How likely is it to turn random strangers into friends? Seems to me a better strategy would be to do things where meeting people would already signal a common interest. You're absolutely correct. That's why Grubwithus has themed meals and local interest groups (that regularly host meals). The idea of bringing people together over a shared interest has been incredibly well received, and generally results in higher quality conversation etc.
- cin_ 14y agoShared suffering is a guaranteed way to make friends. When you are placed under high amounts of stress and you are with someone else an instant bond is forged. Physical stress is the most obvious but mental or emotional stress are just as affective. If you want to make friends do something you hate or are horrible at. The NYT article sited talked about 'getting over that hump' in a relationship. Meeting people seemed like the easy part, but forming a friendship was the problem. Ask them if they are afraid of something or cringe at the thought of doing something then organise the effort. Know your limits and cooperate against them. When failure is obvious everyone is free to have fun and avoid any anxiety to impress or succeed. Example: I went indoor rock climbing with a friend. It was his second time, and my first since I was ten. We got to the gym, did a few easy tracks and then I suggested we go at the most difficult track on the wall. We made it about ten feet up the wall then fell off. Our hands were simply too weak. We knew it was beyond us, but this was the first time all day that we laughed so for the rest of the day we just kept trying the same track. We breaked for lunch and then argued whether we were too spent to go back for round two. We decided to hell with the fatigue we have to beat that track. We went back and, again, fell every time we tried. The next day I saw him walking down the street so we got some coffee and laughed about how the both of us needed to find someone else to open doors and jars of peanut butter because our hands were so exhausted our grips had become useless. There was very little `proper` socialising. Impossible to talk about anything except grip suggestions when one guys on the ground and the other is on the wall, but we got to know each other better, I think, than if we had talked about work or whatever. Dinner is nice, but you want something you can look back on and say, 'Haha, do you remember when... that shit was ridiculous.'
- svachalek 14y agoHow exactly are they promoting a dinner arranged through their site as "unplanned"?
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- magoon 14y agoGrubwithus.com looks enticing, but when I looked for more information on how it works, I'm encouraged to sign up. This is a disappointing trend; I am interested to learn more, but to do so I must commit -- so unfortunately I'm a bounce. Edit: Reading through more of these comments, I'm not alone.
- marknutter 14y agoDoes anyone else get irritated by product blogs that don't have a link back to the product anywhere?
- alphang 14y agoInteresting idea, however I think it feels a bit too deliberate for my tastes. Based on the groups it can seem more like a networking tool. Beyond a startup, I would also recommend volunteering, doing sports, taking a class, or if you're spiritually-inclined, going to church, in order to make new friendships. Those tend to be more regular, and you're not so focused on the conversation itself.
- coldarchon 14y agoThere is already a social network for this: http://www.hatebook.org/ http://www.hatebook.org/ You don't send mails, you start rumors ..