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Dating apps by and far are quite useless. If you ever want to know how insidious they are, just download one, finish your profile, and swipe for 10 minutes a we

by leach 3y ago

Dating apps by and far are quite useless. If you ever want to know how insidious they are, just download one, finish your profile, and swipe for 10 minutes a week. Since you are not an "active user" they will give you the most attractive people to swipe on. Every couple of days they will give you a "limited time" discount on gold or platinum or whatever. The push notifications are my favorite part, "you could be missing out on the love of your life!!!". Not to mention the interactions with the UI are littered with casino like visuals. The whole purpose of the app is to get you addicted and spending time and money on it. It's much easier to naturally meet people in real life through work/school. If you can't there, go hang out at coffee shops or bookstores or something and just hang. Strike up conversation with people, just live. You'll get rejected and some people will be rude but it's all real. You could also always pick up hobbies and meet people there. Just be social, don't spend time and money on these machines of misery.

Qem 3y ago
> It's much easier to naturally meet people in real life through work/school. It was. Nowadays people including the office in their dating pool face a high risk of harassment claims.
- itronitron 3y ago
  I think the mindset should be that whoever you initially meet, or hang out with, won't be a match but may potentially introduce you to a person with whom you could match. So all coworkers then are excluded from the dating pool, but are potential matchmakers.
- jstarfish 3y ago
  I investigate these complaints for a living. Please don't date anybody you work with. We'll both be happier for it. The fun always starts after a breakup and the other party doesn't want to see you at work anymore. There is usually no penalty for falsely reporting anyone to HR for harassment "in good faith," and there are likely anti-retaliation policies protecting malicious claimants from punishment for "misrepresentation" of any situation. Your side of the story will be recorded for the sake of appearance, and ignored. The system is completely broken. If you're sure they're your soul mate, changing departments is not enough, leave now, on your own terms. You do not want a common HR department acting as a mediator for your domestic disputes. You're asking to be made unemployed and homeless.
  - lazide 3y ago
    It’s not just work - it’s any community venue that other party considers ‘essential’. Church, Dr’s offices, the gym, even a grocery store (if they ‘need it’) is a potential social ‘war zone’. Oh, and Reddit too.
    - baobabKoodaa 3y ago
      Quitting a gym has lower cost than quitting a job, though. Especially if the "quitting" does not occur in amicable circumstances.
      - lazide 3y ago
        You wouldn’t get a chance to quit either one, probably. The job might fire the accuser - they might have an incentive to investigate. At the gym you might get arrested and then banned, with no one interested in doing followup to figure out the actual truth - just have you released after it was clear it was fake. The gym wouldn't want anything to do with you either way afterwards.
        baobabKoodaa 3y ago
        I don't disagree with any of that. I'm just saying the repercussions for whatever things like that happen, they will be lower at the gym compared to the workplace.
        lazide 3y ago
        I think you might want to re-read my comment.
        baobabKoodaa 3y ago
        I have now re-read your comment. I did not find anything there that I would've misunderstood. Can you explain to me what you feel I misunderstood?
- leach 3y ago
  If you don't date at work you still make friends at work and grow your social circle. Leverage that to meet new people through work people. It can be risky dating at work but some find the trade off worth it. I suppose it depends on how comfortable you are at your job too. I've definitely seen relationships blossom in my workplace more than once. When you spend so much time with people it's only natural.
rowyourboat 3y ago
I'm always so confused by the advice to go to bookstores to meet people. What kind of bookstores do you guys go to where the customers talk with each other?
- mensetmanusman 3y ago
  Go anywhere people congregate weekly at the same time for a year. You will accidentally community.
- Exoristos 3y ago
  Being able to start a friendly conversation under circumstances where an average male might fail is a prime sign of date-ability. While humans are very complicated, the general animal rule that males must impress females still exists at some level in some form.
  - user_7832 3y ago
    > Being able to start a friendly conversation under circumstances where an average male might fail is a prime sign of date-ability. Under this assumption, would the average man be undateble? (Not that I agree or disagree with the rest, but this seems odd to me.)
    - Exoristos 3y ago
      What assumption? The assumption that a bookstore is the only place men and women can interact?
      - user_7832 3y ago
        No, I meant the assumption that the average man is undataeble as he cannot start a conversation.
    - throwaway2037 3y ago
      > Under this assumption, would the average man be undateble? Yes. If men don't approach women, they stay single. Period. Look at the ratio of men under 30 in the US who are single now. It is mindblowing.
herbst 3y ago
You are talking specifically about the male experience. As 'female' it doesn't matter how often I use the app, if my profile attracts enough males I get matches and ice breakers all day long. If I accidentally open the app after 2 months it just gets more. I don't need to match or look out. I get nice and stupid messages in mailbox and can choose from them. If I go to match 80% (made up but realistic number) of the profiles shown already matched with me. The apps don't want me to buy anything, they nag me for my time. I could go on. By design I will only see the most successful or 'aggresive' profiles and nothing else.
- leach 3y ago
  This is very true, I've never used a dating app as the opposite sex so I'm not sure what their experience is like. This definitely sounds about right though. Makes sense that attention is what they want from you, and how the experience compares to that of an average dude on it. I suppose I'm forgetting other experiences too, I guess I follow the two "rules" of dating apps because as a dude I get a decent amount of matches. Still I don't like the dating apps, maybe I just yearn for something more real I'm not sure.

by leach 3y ago

Qem 3y ago

> It's much easier to naturally meet people in real life through work/school. It was. Nowadays people including the office in their dating pool face a high risk of harassment claims.

itronitron 3y ago
I think the mindset should be that whoever you initially meet, or hang out with, won't be a match but may potentially introduce you to a person with whom you could match. So all coworkers then are excluded from the dating pool, but are potential matchmakers.
jstarfish 3y ago
I investigate these complaints for a living. Please don't date anybody you work with. We'll both be happier for it. The fun always starts after a breakup and the other party doesn't want to see you at work anymore. There is usually no penalty for falsely reporting anyone to HR for harassment "in good faith," and there are likely anti-retaliation policies protecting malicious claimants from punishment for "misrepresentation" of any situation. Your side of the story will be recorded for the sake of appearance, and ignored. The system is completely broken. If you're sure they're your soul mate, changing departments is not enough, leave now, on your own terms. You do not want a common HR department acting as a mediator for your domestic disputes. You're asking to be made unemployed and homeless.
- lazide 3y ago
  It’s not just work - it’s any community venue that other party considers ‘essential’. Church, Dr’s offices, the gym, even a grocery store (if they ‘need it’) is a potential social ‘war zone’. Oh, and Reddit too.
  - baobabKoodaa 3y ago
    Quitting a gym has lower cost than quitting a job, though. Especially if the "quitting" does not occur in amicable circumstances.
    - lazide 3y ago
      You wouldn’t get a chance to quit either one, probably. The job might fire the accuser - they might have an incentive to investigate. At the gym you might get arrested and then banned, with no one interested in doing followup to figure out the actual truth - just have you released after it was clear it was fake. The gym wouldn't want anything to do with you either way afterwards.
      - baobabKoodaa 3y ago
        I don't disagree with any of that. I'm just saying the repercussions for whatever things like that happen, they will be lower at the gym compared to the workplace.
        lazide 3y ago
        I think you might want to re-read my comment.
        baobabKoodaa 3y ago
        I have now re-read your comment. I did not find anything there that I would've misunderstood. Can you explain to me what you feel I misunderstood?
leach 3y ago
If you don't date at work you still make friends at work and grow your social circle. Leverage that to meet new people through work people. It can be risky dating at work but some find the trade off worth it. I suppose it depends on how comfortable you are at your job too. I've definitely seen relationships blossom in my workplace more than once. When you spend so much time with people it's only natural.

rowyourboat 3y ago

I'm always so confused by the advice to go to bookstores to meet people. What kind of bookstores do you guys go to where the customers talk with each other?

mensetmanusman 3y ago
Go anywhere people congregate weekly at the same time for a year. You will accidentally community.
Exoristos 3y ago
Being able to start a friendly conversation under circumstances where an average male might fail is a prime sign of date-ability. While humans are very complicated, the general animal rule that males must impress females still exists at some level in some form.
- user_7832 3y ago
  > Being able to start a friendly conversation under circumstances where an average male might fail is a prime sign of date-ability. Under this assumption, would the average man be undateble? (Not that I agree or disagree with the rest, but this seems odd to me.)
  - Exoristos 3y ago
    What assumption? The assumption that a bookstore is the only place men and women can interact?
    - user_7832 3y ago
      No, I meant the assumption that the average man is undataeble as he cannot start a conversation.
  - throwaway2037 3y ago
    > Under this assumption, would the average man be undateble? Yes. If men don't approach women, they stay single. Period. Look at the ratio of men under 30 in the US who are single now. It is mindblowing.

herbst 3y ago

You are talking specifically about the male experience. As 'female' it doesn't matter how often I use the app, if my profile attracts enough males I get matches and ice breakers all day long. If I accidentally open the app after 2 months it just gets more. I don't need to match or look out. I get nice and stupid messages in mailbox and can choose from them. If I go to match 80% (made up but realistic number) of the profiles shown already matched with me. The apps don't want me to buy anything, they nag me for my time. I could go on. By design I will only see the most successful or 'aggresive' profiles and nothing else.

leach 3y ago
This is very true, I've never used a dating app as the opposite sex so I'm not sure what their experience is like. This definitely sounds about right though. Makes sense that attention is what they want from you, and how the experience compares to that of an average dude on it. I suppose I'm forgetting other experiences too, I guess I follow the two "rules" of dating apps because as a dude I get a decent amount of matches. Still I don't like the dating apps, maybe I just yearn for something more real I'm not sure.