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I'm divorced. By the time you make the decision to leave your partner your life is in a bit a shambles. Something you thought would last together is about to en

I'm divorced. By the time you make the decision to leave your partner your life is in a bit a shambles. Something you thought would last together is about to end and if you have kids with your ex (I have 3) then you're about to enter into one of the most stressful and complicated parts of your life. Of course the suicide right is going to be higher, but you shouldn't compare it against the part of the population who is happily married, you would have to compare it to the people who are desperately unhappy in their marriage and don't get divorced. At the end of my marriage I still dearly loved my wife, but hadn't been happy for years and I was wishing for death to give me a noble exit from a situation I couldn't see a way out of myself.

slowhadoken 3y ago
Guys take all the blame for divorce. I’ve know married women with kids that were monsters and everyone pitied them. There’s a strong, verging on psychotic, bias towards women in society and family court.
- AussieWog93 3y ago
  I'm not sure this is the general case. In the case of most divorced couples I know of, the "monster" tends to be whichever party I'm less close to.
  - slowhadoken 3y ago
    It’s true. I’ve talked a lot of guys off the edge of a cliff. You try to warn the new generation but they don’t listen, guys always got to learn the hard way.
- api 3y ago
  It’s because for every one of those there’s a battered wife, and before the 1970s women had little ability to escape that kind of thing except at incredible cost. People can be awful to each other. Gender doesn’t matter.
  - slowhadoken 3y ago
    Sorry but that’s a pretty outdated and sexist perspective. I think it’s because men really don’t have any advocates.
    - deleted 3y ago
      [deleted]
- graemep 3y ago
  In the UK, not the US, but I hear this here too. It depends a lot. Very little time in court (no fault divorce, informal agreement re money, and child just stayed with me) and the family courts here are secret so will not comment on that courts, but as for society it depends a lot. My own experience is that no one who knows me at all well blames me. Some of my ex-wife's friends do - the ones who do not know me mostly. Why should I care what they think? My friends have been supportive, so have my (extended) family. The only thing that annoys me is that she has been playing on racial stereotypes to gain sympathy. More that people are ignorant enough of other cultures to believe her uncritically than anything else.
  - mgaunard 3y ago
    I got divorced in the UK and my understanding was that it was not possible for the two parties to simply agree to have a divorce. I had to sign a paper where I agreed I committed all sorts of "faults" just for the court to process the thing and make the divorce official. To me it doesn't matter -- the legal system of the UK is archaic regardless. A divorce is nothing more than a contract agreeing to share financial and child responsibilities. They were quite uncooperative as well to get the paperwork necessary to register the divorce elsewhere in the EU, but that might have breen Brexit.
    - graemep 3y ago
      When was that? The law was changed from 2022 (I delayed starting my divorce proceedings by a few months to benefit from it) and we now have no-fault divorce. Essentially, all it needs is for one party to want to divorce and the a certain lapse of time after you married. The only grounds for opposing it are very narrows ones like jurisdiction. The divorce case is separate from those over money and children which are also optional. You can just have informal agreements over both unless someone wants to go to court. That is why I spent very little time in court - in fact the divorce itself happened with need to attend hearings with the application made through the family court website. Even before the change judges would try and find for an allegation of a fault (usually "unreasonable behaviour") and most lawyers advised clients not to contest divorces. One lawyer I consulted told me that in the previous 20 years he dealt with one contested divorce (contesting the end of the marriage that is, obviously going to court over child and financial arrangements is common).
- was8309 3y ago
  because of the rates of physical abuse of men against women vs vice versa?
  - slowhadoken 3y ago
    “Spousal abuse” is more than just hitting, it’s psychological and emotional stuff too. Male police officers, due to work related trauma, have high rates of spousal abuse. But even higher rates are found among lesbians. It’s made a lot of researchers rethink what’s going on.

slowhadoken 3y ago

Guys take all the blame for divorce. I’ve know married women with kids that were monsters and everyone pitied them. There’s a strong, verging on psychotic, bias towards women in society and family court.

AussieWog93 3y ago
I'm not sure this is the general case. In the case of most divorced couples I know of, the "monster" tends to be whichever party I'm less close to.
- slowhadoken 3y ago
  It’s true. I’ve talked a lot of guys off the edge of a cliff. You try to warn the new generation but they don’t listen, guys always got to learn the hard way.
api 3y ago
It’s because for every one of those there’s a battered wife, and before the 1970s women had little ability to escape that kind of thing except at incredible cost. People can be awful to each other. Gender doesn’t matter.
- slowhadoken 3y ago
  Sorry but that’s a pretty outdated and sexist perspective. I think it’s because men really don’t have any advocates.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
graemep 3y ago
In the UK, not the US, but I hear this here too. It depends a lot. Very little time in court (no fault divorce, informal agreement re money, and child just stayed with me) and the family courts here are secret so will not comment on that courts, but as for society it depends a lot. My own experience is that no one who knows me at all well blames me. Some of my ex-wife's friends do - the ones who do not know me mostly. Why should I care what they think? My friends have been supportive, so have my (extended) family. The only thing that annoys me is that she has been playing on racial stereotypes to gain sympathy. More that people are ignorant enough of other cultures to believe her uncritically than anything else.
- mgaunard 3y ago
  I got divorced in the UK and my understanding was that it was not possible for the two parties to simply agree to have a divorce. I had to sign a paper where I agreed I committed all sorts of "faults" just for the court to process the thing and make the divorce official. To me it doesn't matter -- the legal system of the UK is archaic regardless. A divorce is nothing more than a contract agreeing to share financial and child responsibilities. They were quite uncooperative as well to get the paperwork necessary to register the divorce elsewhere in the EU, but that might have breen Brexit.
  - graemep 3y ago
    When was that? The law was changed from 2022 (I delayed starting my divorce proceedings by a few months to benefit from it) and we now have no-fault divorce. Essentially, all it needs is for one party to want to divorce and the a certain lapse of time after you married. The only grounds for opposing it are very narrows ones like jurisdiction. The divorce case is separate from those over money and children which are also optional. You can just have informal agreements over both unless someone wants to go to court. That is why I spent very little time in court - in fact the divorce itself happened with need to attend hearings with the application made through the family court website. Even before the change judges would try and find for an allegation of a fault (usually "unreasonable behaviour") and most lawyers advised clients not to contest divorces. One lawyer I consulted told me that in the previous 20 years he dealt with one contested divorce (contesting the end of the marriage that is, obviously going to court over child and financial arrangements is common).
was8309 3y ago
because of the rates of physical abuse of men against women vs vice versa?
- slowhadoken 3y ago
  “Spousal abuse” is more than just hitting, it’s psychological and emotional stuff too. Male police officers, due to work related trauma, have high rates of spousal abuse. But even higher rates are found among lesbians. It’s made a lot of researchers rethink what’s going on.