20 ms·

My ex wife is an ex wife because she zoned out into Facebook constantly and stopped doing anything with the family. Then she went bananas and ran away with some

by iasay 4y ago

My ex wife is an ex wife because she zoned out into Facebook constantly and stopped doing anything with the family. Then she went bananas and ran away with someone who ironically she split up with because he was always on Facebook. It can go pretty bad. I’m super happy though as the kids stayed with me :)

Aromasin 4y ago
I'm struggling with this currently. My partner spends 3+ hours a day scrolling Instagram (I know, I checked it in her Apple phone metrics). When we watch movies, it's me watching it and her scrolling. When we're in the car listening to music, it's just me listening to music and her scrolling. I'm starting to struggle initiating conversations because she's simply not paying attention. Whenever we're out, half her time is spent through the lense of her phone so she can take photos for her story. She refuses to admit its a problem, disregards any argument I put forward about how it's disrupting her life, and when I really sit down with her and tell her how it makes me feels, she attacks me about the time I spend at my laptop (which I track meticulously and know its at most an hour outside of work, so she is simply using it as a defense). I've dated girls with drug addictions before, and it was easier than this because they at least admitted it was a problem. I feel like I can't even initiate the first step with her. It's crushing, because besides this issue, she's pretty much perfect.
- Feritioyyyyy 4y ago
  Have you ever thought of making Instagram 'sliw' sometimes? Might be unethical or it might help her to get away from it? Perhaps talk to a therapist about how to approach it?
  - BbzzbB 4y ago
    sliw?
- iasay 4y ago
  Honestly looking back at my situation which paralleled yours, life’s not worth suffering through. Took 7 years to sort it out here which was a big chunk of my life. If you’re not happy, get out of the situation that makes you unhappy as soon as you can. The regrets hurt more than the relationship problems did.
- dewclin 4y ago
  I'm sorry to read this, I also have a similar same situation with my father. He's in his late 70's and a year ago bought himself an iPhone. He now spends ~4 hours a day reading a tabloid newspaper app, which has endless content. His attention span has fallen noticeably and he can't keep up with conversations that happen in the same room while he's "scrolling". When I visit he's on his phone, and we go out for a walk (in the beautiful countryside around us) he stops and disengages when his app sends him the latest notification about what's happened on "love island", or some other nonsense. When I leave he's on his phone. I tried to talk to him about it, and about how it's particularly effecting my mother, who I can see is lonely and lost a person she could talk to, important at their time of life. He just gets defensive and angry, which leads no-where. Will he spend the most of the rest of his life looking at a screen? Edit: wording of final sentence.
  - iasay 4y ago
    Ah sounds like my father. He’s currently going through Musk is Jesus’ second coming and covid is a hoax phase.
    - WalterSear 4y ago
      My father thinks Putin is just waiting for the right time to strike and set everything right in the world. We don't talk much, not because we fight but because he's always too busy with his phone when I visit him :(
  - 2b3a51 4y ago
    Well, I'm 10 years younger than dewclin Senior and I recently switched to a Nokia dumb phone for the summer and I have been keeping a record of screen time and what I was actually doing on the laptop. Using a paper page a day diary. I'm not in the tabloid market segment, and perhaps I had the insight to self-diagnose? Did dewclin Senior do much before the iPhone arrived? Perspective: I remember that Uncle Dave spent most of his (long) retirement watching sport on the telly back in the 1970s/80s. Any chance of sparking an outside interest?
  - polishdude20 4y ago
- workingon 4y ago
- prawn 4y ago
  This can be especially difficult for people who work online and particularly in social media where responding quickly to comments can be part of the role/expectation/defensive response.
- slothtrop 4y ago
  Unfortunately you can't change a person. You can offer them an ultimatum, then whichever way it goes, so much the better.
- SoftTalker 4y ago
  If you don't have kids with her, move on. She's made clear what her priorities are, or she needs the wakeup call that a failed relationship will bring.
- oblak 4y ago
  Sounds horrible. How did you even start dating a person like that? She must be really something special but I just can't wrap my head around it because in my experience only exceptionally dull and dumb people are like that. That said, I am a happily married old fart so it's only natural to not get some aspects of modern life.
  - iasay 4y ago
    People didn't always start like that...
    - oblak 4y ago
      How did it start in your case?
- slim 4y ago
  maybe she's not perfect. maybe you just don't know her well enough because she's not there most of the time and you don't have projects you both really care about
- softfalcon 4y ago
  I have a similar issue with my wife. The reason you can’t initiate the first step is because they are in denial that it’s a problematic addiction. Everything is telling them that social media is “sort of okay” even though the studies abound proving it’s a nefarious addiction. It’s easier with hard drugs cause society, government, and even business mostly agrees it’s likely bad for you (except alcohol, that one still gets a free pass). For me, I still try to remind her to be in the moment. She’ll ask to watch a show or movie and within 5 minutes her brain has pulled up her phone to read Reddit. I pause the show and then I’ll ask, “do you want to stop watching?” She’ll reluctantly put her phone away (sometimes I have to wait a whole minute for her to actually put it down) and then I’ll resume the show on the TV. The addiction is very very real and their diminishing attention span shows in their behaviour in other ways as well.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]

by iasay 4y ago

Aromasin 4y ago

I'm struggling with this currently. My partner spends 3+ hours a day scrolling Instagram (I know, I checked it in her Apple phone metrics). When we watch movies, it's me watching it and her scrolling. When we're in the car listening to music, it's just me listening to music and her scrolling. I'm starting to struggle initiating conversations because she's simply not paying attention. Whenever we're out, half her time is spent through the lense of her phone so she can take photos for her story. She refuses to admit its a problem, disregards any argument I put forward about how it's disrupting her life, and when I really sit down with her and tell her how it makes me feels, she attacks me about the time I spend at my laptop (which I track meticulously and know its at most an hour outside of work, so she is simply using it as a defense). I've dated girls with drug addictions before, and it was easier than this because they at least admitted it was a problem. I feel like I can't even initiate the first step with her. It's crushing, because besides this issue, she's pretty much perfect.

Feritioyyyyy 4y ago
Have you ever thought of making Instagram 'sliw' sometimes? Might be unethical or it might help her to get away from it? Perhaps talk to a therapist about how to approach it?
- BbzzbB 4y ago
  sliw?
iasay 4y ago
Honestly looking back at my situation which paralleled yours, life’s not worth suffering through. Took 7 years to sort it out here which was a big chunk of my life. If you’re not happy, get out of the situation that makes you unhappy as soon as you can. The regrets hurt more than the relationship problems did.
dewclin 4y ago
I'm sorry to read this, I also have a similar same situation with my father. He's in his late 70's and a year ago bought himself an iPhone. He now spends ~4 hours a day reading a tabloid newspaper app, which has endless content. His attention span has fallen noticeably and he can't keep up with conversations that happen in the same room while he's "scrolling". When I visit he's on his phone, and we go out for a walk (in the beautiful countryside around us) he stops and disengages when his app sends him the latest notification about what's happened on "love island", or some other nonsense. When I leave he's on his phone. I tried to talk to him about it, and about how it's particularly effecting my mother, who I can see is lonely and lost a person she could talk to, important at their time of life. He just gets defensive and angry, which leads no-where. Will he spend the most of the rest of his life looking at a screen? Edit: wording of final sentence.
- iasay 4y ago
  Ah sounds like my father. He’s currently going through Musk is Jesus’ second coming and covid is a hoax phase.
  - WalterSear 4y ago
    My father thinks Putin is just waiting for the right time to strike and set everything right in the world. We don't talk much, not because we fight but because he's always too busy with his phone when I visit him :(
- 2b3a51 4y ago
  Well, I'm 10 years younger than dewclin Senior and I recently switched to a Nokia dumb phone for the summer and I have been keeping a record of screen time and what I was actually doing on the laptop. Using a paper page a day diary. I'm not in the tabloid market segment, and perhaps I had the insight to self-diagnose? Did dewclin Senior do much before the iPhone arrived? Perspective: I remember that Uncle Dave spent most of his (long) retirement watching sport on the telly back in the 1970s/80s. Any chance of sparking an outside interest?
- polishdude20 4y ago
workingon 4y ago
prawn 4y ago
This can be especially difficult for people who work online and particularly in social media where responding quickly to comments can be part of the role/expectation/defensive response.
slothtrop 4y ago
Unfortunately you can't change a person. You can offer them an ultimatum, then whichever way it goes, so much the better.
SoftTalker 4y ago
If you don't have kids with her, move on. She's made clear what her priorities are, or she needs the wakeup call that a failed relationship will bring.
oblak 4y ago
Sounds horrible. How did you even start dating a person like that? She must be really something special but I just can't wrap my head around it because in my experience only exceptionally dull and dumb people are like that. That said, I am a happily married old fart so it's only natural to not get some aspects of modern life.
- iasay 4y ago
  People didn't always start like that...
  - oblak 4y ago
    How did it start in your case?
slim 4y ago
maybe she's not perfect. maybe you just don't know her well enough because she's not there most of the time and you don't have projects you both really care about
softfalcon 4y ago
I have a similar issue with my wife. The reason you can’t initiate the first step is because they are in denial that it’s a problematic addiction. Everything is telling them that social media is “sort of okay” even though the studies abound proving it’s a nefarious addiction. It’s easier with hard drugs cause society, government, and even business mostly agrees it’s likely bad for you (except alcohol, that one still gets a free pass). For me, I still try to remind her to be in the moment. She’ll ask to watch a show or movie and within 5 minutes her brain has pulled up her phone to read Reddit. I pause the show and then I’ll ask, “do you want to stop watching?” She’ll reluctantly put her phone away (sometimes I have to wait a whole minute for her to actually put it down) and then I’ll resume the show on the TV. The addiction is very very real and their diminishing attention span shows in their behaviour in other ways as well.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]