8 ms·

I recently witnessed a boy's first time at the hairdresser while waiting for my turn. Both his parents came with him. Long before they were called to the chair,

by rivo 5y ago

I recently witnessed a boy's first time at the hairdresser while waiting for my turn. Both his parents came with him. Long before they were called to the chair, his parents already discussed how they were going to handle this situation. (The boy likely didn't understand the details but could feel that something was up.) When it was his turn, they immediately started telling him not to be afraid and that it wasn't going to hurt. He sat on his dad's lap, his dad holding him tight, while his mom desperately tried to deflect his attention by waving a teddy bear in front of him and non-stop talking to him. Predictably, the boy was completely terrified and cried the whole time. I'm sure it will be a long time before he can get a haircut without being scared. It was such a missed opportunity because there are indeed so many interesting things going on at the hairdresser. I've seen other children almost fall asleep on the chair because it was all so relaxing to them. It's too bad they chose to focus on all the scary parts of the experience.

ido 5y ago
children are really different from one another (sometimes even siblings, born to the same parents only a year or 2 apart). What works for one child may not for another, it may be that they didn't handle it best but could also be that it's just a nervous child who has a hard time with such things while the child you saw falling asleep is a calm one that handles these situations better.
- tqkxzugoaupvwqr 5y ago
  If you repeatedly tell someone it will not hurt, they shouldn’t be scared, project your anxiety onto them, hold them tightly (restraining them), it will not relax the person. All that is sensed by the person is that something terrible, scary and painful is going to happen. Of course the child starts to cry. My girlfriend tells me similar stories of when small children are the first time at their dentist office and their parents behave the same as described in the parent comment. The parents are even informed on how to behave but some still can’t stop projecting their fear onto the children with their words and behavior.
  - ido 5y ago
    I understand, and as I wrote above that may actually be the case (or part of the case) described above, but there could also be a background we're unaware of (the children's personality). As a father of 2 little children I can tell you you're constantly being judged by people around you for for not doing good enough a job parenting - especially by people who aren't parents themselves but think they'd be much better at it. In these situations there's often a lot of background information the casual observer simply has no way of knowing. Just saying we should maybe give the parents in the anecdote above a bit more benefit of the doubt before judging how wrong they handled the situation.
    - rivo 5y ago
      You're definitely right in that children are very different from another. In my experience, however, fear almost always comes from a previous bad experience or it transfers from other people. I've done the "first time at the hairdresser" with both of my children and they still love going there, ten years later. Back then, we took our time looking at all the tools and watching other people's hair being cut. With the permission of the hairdresser, I let them play a bit with the revolving chair. No talk about how it might hurt or anything. In the story above, the only explanation I can think of is that the boy already had a previous bad experience with a hairdresser. (Didn't look like it but I can't be sure.) Even then, I'm not sure this was the best way to handle it.
      - bryanrasmussen 5y ago
        >In my experience, however, fear almost always comes from a previous bad experience or it transfers from other people. children with autism often react badly to hairdressers. There can be all sorts of reasons for some behavioral pattern.
        wizzwizz4 5y ago
        If they can cope with / get used to the intense new sensory input, I imagine the same tricks would work (point out interesting things, make sure they understand what's going on so they know what to expect (but without making it an ominous future event), etc). That might require making the hairdressers' quieter or less crowded, though. (Timing your first time well is probably important; I'd aim for somebody else to watch first, but not large crowds, but it depends on the child.)
Cthulhu_ 5y ago
I was at a parent's evening last night. One of the other parents had to mention that Her Daughter had, in her terms, "black-outs" during tests. A lot of the other things she mentioned hinted at her being a helicopter parent, so I'm not surprised her daughter has stress related issues with tests. For a lot of things, you just need to chill out and trivialize things. Kids will copy their parents' emotional responses, so if you worry about exams, they will. If you worry about them being afraid of hairdressers or dentists, they will be. Self-fulfilling prophecies and self-reinforcing.
- dandanua 5y ago
  So true. And not just kids, adults also can copy emotions of other people, usually of group leaders, or of those who we like. What's important is that this is happening unconsciously.
- rivo 5y ago
  I don't quite remember where I heard this and whether or not it was a joke, but a skydiving instructor told this story where his students were supposed to land on a plain empty field. But there was one tree somewhere on this field. And whenever he cautioned his students not to land on that tree, invariably, at least one student would manage to land exactly on it. When he didn't mention it, it wouldn't happen. With children, I find it's almost always a better strategy to focus on the positive sides of an experience. Of course, it's more difficult when they're already afraid of something (maybe through their friends, a previous experience, or the parents themselves). But there are lots of blank slates and it's one of the great parts of being a parent to let them write something positive on it instead of tainting it with fear.
  - magicalhippo 5y ago
    I heard something similar but in relations to soccer players and the goalie when taking a penalty shot: "do not hit the goalie!" The point made was that it's impossible to not-do something, you can only do. So when told "do not do X", the "not" disappears and it effectively translates into "do X". And so the soccer player being told not to hit the goalie ends up doing just that. The moral of the story was to focus on what you should do, rather on what you should not do.
me_me_me 5y ago
> They immediately started telling him not to be afraid and that it wasn't going to hurt. Not being a parent but I can already see that they were setting themselves for a fail. Framing! I remember an advice I heard if you kids fall/hit themselves, laugh with them and ask them if they are ok, kiss the bobo etc. But dont act like they got hit by the car , they will cry as kids can read feeling and will adjust their reaction to your reaction. Framing is very important when talking to anyone really, saying just 'the right' things might even have the opposite effect.
- technothrasher 5y ago
  I am a parent, and honestly you just have to read the individual kid. Just like people of any age, kids react to things in their own ways. Some kids will get pissed if you downplay their getting hurt, others will react with horror if you play it up, some will just deal with it by themselves regardless of how you act. The best way to parent isn't to follow some preset rules, but to try to understand your child for who they are. And then be easy on yourself, because whatever you do, many times it'll be not quite right anyway!
  - MathYouF 5y ago
    The older I get and the more I observe children from an adult lens the more I see how much personality is packed into even very young people. You can get different reactions out of the same person but you have to tailor your approach for each one, and I think it must be the same with parenting children. Has your view on nature versus nurture shifted since having kids? I've heard some people start to shift very heavily towards viewing people's personalities as part of their nature from birth after raising children of their own.
    - toyg 5y ago
      As a parent myself: that sort of framework tends to absolve parents from their responsibilities, so of course it appeals. "Nothing I could do about it, guv, he was always like that!" It can also be used to reinforce the sense of "talent" or "destiny" they want to (often selfishly) imbue in their spawn. I've actually gone all the way to the other side. I see in my kids all the issues they've inherited from me and their mother, plus all the extra they get from a different environment from the ones we grew up in. I see where they diverge in attitudes, of course, but that has very clearly a lot to do with firstborn vs sibling and (increasingly, with age) their sex, rather than anything incredibly unique or innate.
BrandoElFollito 5y ago
I was mostly cold neutral in these situations, as if it was something normal. I usually casually chatted with the hairdresser (or MD, or whoever was about to do harm to my kids :)) and I could se that the child was closely observing. If I behaved like it was normal and not a big deal, they would usually relax and there was no fuss. It still happens, 14 and 17 years on. Of course they are independent, proud, not-like-their-parents and whatnot, but in new situations they like to glance at how we are handling the situation :) I would also (with the young version of the kids) do something horrible, Calvin and Hobbes style - getting super exited by something, they would get excited as well, the excitement is at the top, tension is unbearable and then the big thing is that we are going to bed. I did that twice I think, I am ashamed of myself.
- nkrisc 5y ago
  > I would also (with the young version of the kids) do something horrible, Calvin and Hobbes style - getting super exited by something, they would get excited as well, the excitement is at the top, tension is unbearable and then the big thing is that we are going to bed. I did that twice I think, I am ashamed of myself. Not sure if you’re joking or not, but I do that all the time with my son to make the mundane exciting again and frame things in a new way. It’s not a let down if you can still deliver by making the ordinary thing interesting somehow.
  - BrandoElFollito 5y ago
    I found the strip I had in mind :) https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/comments/htipjs/oh_boy_oh_boy_what_time_is_it/ https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/comments/htipjs/oh_...
- InitialLastName 5y ago
  > I was mostly cold neutral in these situations, as if it was something normal. I usually casually chatted with the hairdresser (or MD, or whoever was about to do harm to my kids :)) and I could se that the child was closely observing. > If I behaved like it was normal and not a big deal, they would usually relax and there was no fuss. Humans are social animals, and the young ones learn their attitude about new situations from the leader of their pack. You can see the same behavior with dogs: meeting a new person, they'll often mirror the attitude their owner has to the new person (obviously with less fidelity than children).
Netcob 5y ago
> When it was his turn, they immediately started telling him not to be afraid and that it wasn't going to hurt. He sat on his dad's lap, his dad holding him tight, while his mom desperately tried to deflect his attention by waving a teddy bear in front of him and non-stop talking to him. "Here's a glass of water. It's definitely not poison and it won't kill you. It's not going to burn your throat when you drink it. Now let me fixate you in case you start violently thrashing around. Just drink the water and think of something else. We'll get through this together, okay?" I think anyone would freak out at this point, even if it really is just water.
- dr_zoidberg 5y ago
  "But I told you it was just water!" When I was a child a hairdresser cut a bit of my ear. Obviously I cried at the moment, it hurt. I may have been anxious about going to get a haircut for a couple of times afterwards. But then we found another hairdresser that was absolutely marvelous with kids, and never had any issue afterwards. It's just about how the situations are handled. The given story being a very very poor example, despite the parents having good intentions.
leokennis 5y ago
Something in defense of the parents: they were there for their kid, both of them. And they both wanted to protect him and make sure he had a good experience. Many kids don’t even have something close to that. Their attempt might have failed, but not for lack of good intentions and putting in the effort. I think most parents can relate to the fact that parenting is basically being thrown in front of the wolves, and then making every mistake you can imagine in front of everyone to see. All the while having to meet societies expectations and having to endure its judgement. It’s not easy, and we should not be harsh on anyone who makes an effort, gives it an honest shot and tries to learn from their mistakes.
- toxik 5y ago
  Hear, and distracting children works beautifully as any parent ought to know. Not always, of course.
- utahsaint365 5y ago
  Agreed. Being a parent means deflect, defend and distract for 23 hours a day…
- munificent 5y ago
  I like to think of parenting as a never-ending improv performance where the audience will judge you harshly for every mistake and one of your fellow actors is actively trying to sabotage every scene.
  - kerryoco 5y ago
    forwarding this comment to my friends due in 2 months /sarcasm
eric_b 5y ago
Depending on the age and temperament of the child there was probably no winning move. Some kids are terrified of loud noises. Leaf blowers, lawn mowers, whatever, will immediately set off tears and wailing. Even if they're four houses away. Other kids shrug it off like it's nothing. Same with haircuts. My first kid handled the haircuts just fine at 2 years old. No big deal, hey I get to watch videos. Second kid was inconsolable the first four times we went - just had to get used to it.
kgwxd 5y ago
Maybe you also witnessed the parents first time taking a child for their first haircut.
gilbetron 5y ago
Parenting is pretty easy, until you're a parent.
- mike1o1 5y ago
  The best parents are those without kids.
eli 5y ago
Every kid is so different that it really isn't fair to judge parenting techniques from a short interaction like that. Maybe they're doing it wrong, but at least consider the possibility that they know their kid better than you.
warmcat 5y ago
As a father of a toddler, kids will always cry and be terrified for any thing they try for the first time (i.e. at the hairdressers). You can't always reason with the kids who don't understand anything. Kids don't look at experiences as "interesting things going on". And every kid is different so don't compare kids as if they are the same.
zoomablemind 5y ago
The hair cutting experience is just scary no matter how you package the visit or the setting. Strangers with scissors and noisy devices and you did nothing wrong to be subjected to loosing your hair, even if you did, still it's your hair to keep, your head to protect. And who's the hair dresser anyway? With kids there's no universal solution to spare the _parents_ some drama. At some age some kids want to be the boss, they'd rather be the hair dresser, cut the hair, use the tools to learn the experience. Others would just agree to watch how it's done to others then play it out, before agreeing to have it cut. Either way, some patience with a slow pace of kid's acceptance helps them figure out the why and find trust in it. With the pandemic lockdown, I surprisingly got my "haircut" "done" by our budding home professional, with water spray bottle being the only real tool, but the plastic tools had the magic effect on my appearance in hands of this preschooler. Next!
1e-9 5y ago
Some very young children just absolutely do not want to be messed with. Even brushing their hair with a soft brush can be a major struggle no matter how clever you might be at distracting, comforting, or convincing. If you have one of these children, then you know what’s coming as soon as the hairdresser touches their hair and there isn’t much you can do about it. It’s quite reasonable to decide it’s better to let the child know what’s about to happen rather than let them be surprised. A haircut takes time. It’s not like a shot that’s over in an instant. Holding them might be the only way to prevent them from swatting the scissors away and jerking their head in an unsafe manner. After a few unsuccessful haircut attempts, you’ll likely find yourself considering a child-bun or just allowing their vision to be impaired until they are old enough to understand better.
willcipriano 5y ago
Just got my daughter's first haircut a couple weeks ago. All smiles. I agree that the solution is to act like it isn't a big deal, kids pick up on your anxiety and are rightfully concerned. "If my big brave dad is scared, this must be really scary!" I do the same for global warming, nuclear war and covid. What is a three year old going to do about those things, why burden them with concern they can't act upon?
anonu 5y ago
Why would you blame the parents? Every kid is unique and has their own fears and perceptions of the world... Parenting isn't a one way interaction...
stevesycombacct 5y ago
I've been on both ends of the child thinking that the haircut is completely fine and requires no advance notice, and a month later the same child being terrified and needing to be held down. Honestly, with an adult you would be right, but kids are just a crapshoot.

by rivo 5y ago

ido 5y ago

children are really different from one another (sometimes even siblings, born to the same parents only a year or 2 apart). What works for one child may not for another, it may be that they didn't handle it best but could also be that it's just a nervous child who has a hard time with such things while the child you saw falling asleep is a calm one that handles these situations better.

tqkxzugoaupvwqr 5y ago
If you repeatedly tell someone it will not hurt, they shouldn’t be scared, project your anxiety onto them, hold them tightly (restraining them), it will not relax the person. All that is sensed by the person is that something terrible, scary and painful is going to happen. Of course the child starts to cry. My girlfriend tells me similar stories of when small children are the first time at their dentist office and their parents behave the same as described in the parent comment. The parents are even informed on how to behave but some still can’t stop projecting their fear onto the children with their words and behavior.
- ido 5y ago
  I understand, and as I wrote above that may actually be the case (or part of the case) described above, but there could also be a background we're unaware of (the children's personality). As a father of 2 little children I can tell you you're constantly being judged by people around you for for not doing good enough a job parenting - especially by people who aren't parents themselves but think they'd be much better at it. In these situations there's often a lot of background information the casual observer simply has no way of knowing. Just saying we should maybe give the parents in the anecdote above a bit more benefit of the doubt before judging how wrong they handled the situation.
  - rivo 5y ago
    You're definitely right in that children are very different from another. In my experience, however, fear almost always comes from a previous bad experience or it transfers from other people. I've done the "first time at the hairdresser" with both of my children and they still love going there, ten years later. Back then, we took our time looking at all the tools and watching other people's hair being cut. With the permission of the hairdresser, I let them play a bit with the revolving chair. No talk about how it might hurt or anything. In the story above, the only explanation I can think of is that the boy already had a previous bad experience with a hairdresser. (Didn't look like it but I can't be sure.) Even then, I'm not sure this was the best way to handle it.
    - bryanrasmussen 5y ago
      >In my experience, however, fear almost always comes from a previous bad experience or it transfers from other people. children with autism often react badly to hairdressers. There can be all sorts of reasons for some behavioral pattern.
      - wizzwizz4 5y ago
        If they can cope with / get used to the intense new sensory input, I imagine the same tricks would work (point out interesting things, make sure they understand what's going on so they know what to expect (but without making it an ominous future event), etc). That might require making the hairdressers' quieter or less crowded, though. (Timing your first time well is probably important; I'd aim for somebody else to watch first, but not large crowds, but it depends on the child.)

Cthulhu_ 5y ago

I was at a parent's evening last night. One of the other parents had to mention that Her Daughter had, in her terms, "black-outs" during tests. A lot of the other things she mentioned hinted at her being a helicopter parent, so I'm not surprised her daughter has stress related issues with tests. For a lot of things, you just need to chill out and trivialize things. Kids will copy their parents' emotional responses, so if you worry about exams, they will. If you worry about them being afraid of hairdressers or dentists, they will be. Self-fulfilling prophecies and self-reinforcing.

dandanua 5y ago
So true. And not just kids, adults also can copy emotions of other people, usually of group leaders, or of those who we like. What's important is that this is happening unconsciously.
rivo 5y ago
I don't quite remember where I heard this and whether or not it was a joke, but a skydiving instructor told this story where his students were supposed to land on a plain empty field. But there was one tree somewhere on this field. And whenever he cautioned his students not to land on that tree, invariably, at least one student would manage to land exactly on it. When he didn't mention it, it wouldn't happen. With children, I find it's almost always a better strategy to focus on the positive sides of an experience. Of course, it's more difficult when they're already afraid of something (maybe through their friends, a previous experience, or the parents themselves). But there are lots of blank slates and it's one of the great parts of being a parent to let them write something positive on it instead of tainting it with fear.
- magicalhippo 5y ago
  I heard something similar but in relations to soccer players and the goalie when taking a penalty shot: "do not hit the goalie!" The point made was that it's impossible to not-do something, you can only do. So when told "do not do X", the "not" disappears and it effectively translates into "do X". And so the soccer player being told not to hit the goalie ends up doing just that. The moral of the story was to focus on what you should do, rather on what you should not do.

me_me_me 5y ago

> They immediately started telling him not to be afraid and that it wasn't going to hurt. Not being a parent but I can already see that they were setting themselves for a fail. Framing! I remember an advice I heard if you kids fall/hit themselves, laugh with them and ask them if they are ok, kiss the bobo etc. But dont act like they got hit by the car , they will cry as kids can read feeling and will adjust their reaction to your reaction. Framing is very important when talking to anyone really, saying just 'the right' things might even have the opposite effect.

technothrasher 5y ago
I am a parent, and honestly you just have to read the individual kid. Just like people of any age, kids react to things in their own ways. Some kids will get pissed if you downplay their getting hurt, others will react with horror if you play it up, some will just deal with it by themselves regardless of how you act. The best way to parent isn't to follow some preset rules, but to try to understand your child for who they are. And then be easy on yourself, because whatever you do, many times it'll be not quite right anyway!
- MathYouF 5y ago
  The older I get and the more I observe children from an adult lens the more I see how much personality is packed into even very young people. You can get different reactions out of the same person but you have to tailor your approach for each one, and I think it must be the same with parenting children. Has your view on nature versus nurture shifted since having kids? I've heard some people start to shift very heavily towards viewing people's personalities as part of their nature from birth after raising children of their own.
  - toyg 5y ago
    As a parent myself: that sort of framework tends to absolve parents from their responsibilities, so of course it appeals. "Nothing I could do about it, guv, he was always like that!" It can also be used to reinforce the sense of "talent" or "destiny" they want to (often selfishly) imbue in their spawn. I've actually gone all the way to the other side. I see in my kids all the issues they've inherited from me and their mother, plus all the extra they get from a different environment from the ones we grew up in. I see where they diverge in attitudes, of course, but that has very clearly a lot to do with firstborn vs sibling and (increasingly, with age) their sex, rather than anything incredibly unique or innate.

BrandoElFollito 5y ago

I was mostly cold neutral in these situations, as if it was something normal. I usually casually chatted with the hairdresser (or MD, or whoever was about to do harm to my kids :)) and I could se that the child was closely observing. If I behaved like it was normal and not a big deal, they would usually relax and there was no fuss. It still happens, 14 and 17 years on. Of course they are independent, proud, not-like-their-parents and whatnot, but in new situations they like to glance at how we are handling the situation :) I would also (with the young version of the kids) do something horrible, Calvin and Hobbes style - getting super exited by something, they would get excited as well, the excitement is at the top, tension is unbearable and then the big thing is that we are going to bed. I did that twice I think, I am ashamed of myself.

nkrisc 5y ago
> I would also (with the young version of the kids) do something horrible, Calvin and Hobbes style - getting super exited by something, they would get excited as well, the excitement is at the top, tension is unbearable and then the big thing is that we are going to bed. I did that twice I think, I am ashamed of myself. Not sure if you’re joking or not, but I do that all the time with my son to make the mundane exciting again and frame things in a new way. It’s not a let down if you can still deliver by making the ordinary thing interesting somehow.
- BrandoElFollito 5y ago
  I found the strip I had in mind :) https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/comments/htipjs/oh_boy_oh_boy_what_time_is_it/ https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/comments/htipjs/oh_...
InitialLastName 5y ago
> I was mostly cold neutral in these situations, as if it was something normal. I usually casually chatted with the hairdresser (or MD, or whoever was about to do harm to my kids :)) and I could se that the child was closely observing. > If I behaved like it was normal and not a big deal, they would usually relax and there was no fuss. Humans are social animals, and the young ones learn their attitude about new situations from the leader of their pack. You can see the same behavior with dogs: meeting a new person, they'll often mirror the attitude their owner has to the new person (obviously with less fidelity than children).

Netcob 5y ago

> When it was his turn, they immediately started telling him not to be afraid and that it wasn't going to hurt. He sat on his dad's lap, his dad holding him tight, while his mom desperately tried to deflect his attention by waving a teddy bear in front of him and non-stop talking to him. "Here's a glass of water. It's definitely not poison and it won't kill you. It's not going to burn your throat when you drink it. Now let me fixate you in case you start violently thrashing around. Just drink the water and think of something else. We'll get through this together, okay?" I think anyone would freak out at this point, even if it really is just water.

dr_zoidberg 5y ago
"But I told you it was just water!" When I was a child a hairdresser cut a bit of my ear. Obviously I cried at the moment, it hurt. I may have been anxious about going to get a haircut for a couple of times afterwards. But then we found another hairdresser that was absolutely marvelous with kids, and never had any issue afterwards. It's just about how the situations are handled. The given story being a very very poor example, despite the parents having good intentions.

leokennis 5y ago

Something in defense of the parents: they were there for their kid, both of them. And they both wanted to protect him and make sure he had a good experience. Many kids don’t even have something close to that. Their attempt might have failed, but not for lack of good intentions and putting in the effort. I think most parents can relate to the fact that parenting is basically being thrown in front of the wolves, and then making every mistake you can imagine in front of everyone to see. All the while having to meet societies expectations and having to endure its judgement. It’s not easy, and we should not be harsh on anyone who makes an effort, gives it an honest shot and tries to learn from their mistakes.

toxik 5y ago
Hear, and distracting children works beautifully as any parent ought to know. Not always, of course.
utahsaint365 5y ago
Agreed. Being a parent means deflect, defend and distract for 23 hours a day…
munificent 5y ago
I like to think of parenting as a never-ending improv performance where the audience will judge you harshly for every mistake and one of your fellow actors is actively trying to sabotage every scene.
- kerryoco 5y ago
  forwarding this comment to my friends due in 2 months /sarcasm

eric_b 5y ago

Depending on the age and temperament of the child there was probably no winning move. Some kids are terrified of loud noises. Leaf blowers, lawn mowers, whatever, will immediately set off tears and wailing. Even if they're four houses away. Other kids shrug it off like it's nothing. Same with haircuts. My first kid handled the haircuts just fine at 2 years old. No big deal, hey I get to watch videos. Second kid was inconsolable the first four times we went - just had to get used to it.

kgwxd 5y ago

Maybe you also witnessed the parents first time taking a child for their first haircut.

gilbetron 5y ago

Parenting is pretty easy, until you're a parent.

mike1o1 5y ago
The best parents are those without kids.

eli 5y ago

Every kid is so different that it really isn't fair to judge parenting techniques from a short interaction like that. Maybe they're doing it wrong, but at least consider the possibility that they know their kid better than you.

warmcat 5y ago

As a father of a toddler, kids will always cry and be terrified for any thing they try for the first time (i.e. at the hairdressers). You can't always reason with the kids who don't understand anything. Kids don't look at experiences as "interesting things going on". And every kid is different so don't compare kids as if they are the same.

zoomablemind 5y ago

The hair cutting experience is just scary no matter how you package the visit or the setting. Strangers with scissors and noisy devices and you did nothing wrong to be subjected to loosing your hair, even if you did, still it's your hair to keep, your head to protect. And who's the hair dresser anyway? With kids there's no universal solution to spare the _parents_ some drama. At some age some kids want to be the boss, they'd rather be the hair dresser, cut the hair, use the tools to learn the experience. Others would just agree to watch how it's done to others then play it out, before agreeing to have it cut. Either way, some patience with a slow pace of kid's acceptance helps them figure out the why and find trust in it. With the pandemic lockdown, I surprisingly got my "haircut" "done" by our budding home professional, with water spray bottle being the only real tool, but the plastic tools had the magic effect on my appearance in hands of this preschooler. Next!

1e-9 5y ago

Some very young children just absolutely do not want to be messed with. Even brushing their hair with a soft brush can be a major struggle no matter how clever you might be at distracting, comforting, or convincing. If you have one of these children, then you know what’s coming as soon as the hairdresser touches their hair and there isn’t much you can do about it. It’s quite reasonable to decide it’s better to let the child know what’s about to happen rather than let them be surprised. A haircut takes time. It’s not like a shot that’s over in an instant. Holding them might be the only way to prevent them from swatting the scissors away and jerking their head in an unsafe manner. After a few unsuccessful haircut attempts, you’ll likely find yourself considering a child-bun or just allowing their vision to be impaired until they are old enough to understand better.

willcipriano 5y ago

Just got my daughter's first haircut a couple weeks ago. All smiles. I agree that the solution is to act like it isn't a big deal, kids pick up on your anxiety and are rightfully concerned. "If my big brave dad is scared, this must be really scary!" I do the same for global warming, nuclear war and covid. What is a three year old going to do about those things, why burden them with concern they can't act upon?

anonu 5y ago

Why would you blame the parents? Every kid is unique and has their own fears and perceptions of the world... Parenting isn't a one way interaction...

stevesycombacct 5y ago

I've been on both ends of the child thinking that the haircut is completely fine and requires no advance notice, and a month later the same child being terrified and needing to be held down. Honestly, with an adult you would be right, but kids are just a crapshoot.