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There's a common misconception that awkward conversations should be avoided because they are difficult and elicit drama. But that's just magical thinking. Belie

There's a common misconception that awkward conversations should be avoided because they are difficult and elicit drama. But that's just magical thinking. Believing that to make something go away you just need to stop thinking about it. Push it out of your conscience. But not talking about something doesn't magically make it disappear. Things you don't talk about are still there, lurking in the shadows, subconsciously influencing everything you do.

notriddle 5y ago
You’re assuming that talking about the awkward situation will help fix it. If it’s something like code review, it might. If it’s world politics, it probably won’t. Even if you do actually convince him that his pet solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict is a bad idea, he was never in a position to put his terrible plan into action anyway, so the whole conversation accomplished nothing.
- afcapel 5y ago
  That's exactly the problem: assuming that the only valid reason to talk about an awkward situation is to convince the other person that they are wrong or change their behaviour. We can talk about about awkward things, nobody has to convince anyone of anything. You can listen to the other person and just come to understand how they feel and why. You don't need to feel the same way, just have a better understanding of why they feel how they feel. If more people did this the world would be a much better place. It'd accomplish a lot, I think.
  - OnACoffeeBreak 5y ago
    That is exactly the point. It's not about proving your point or bring proven right or wrong. It's about understanding the other point of view. That's what discussion is all about.
    - watwut 5y ago
      Sometimes, fully understanding other position means you will perceive them as even more threat.
  - notriddle 5y ago
    But what’s the point? Political conversations, even civil ones where everyone walks away understanding each other’s POV and agree to disagree, usually aren’t going to accomplish anything concrete, because very few people have the opportunity to affect government policy. The best case scenario is that talking about politics doesn’t make your relationship worse. The most likely outcome, as you’ve noticed, is that we both leave convinced that each other are idiots. The good outcomes of more ordinary conversation, where we learn from each other and put what you learn into action, doesn’t exist. So what’s the point?
    - Swizec 5y ago
      It accomplishes a better understanding between people and a less divisive society. Which is also what we need to stick it to the man. They want us to fight and bicker and be divided into camps and never agree on anything. That’s how they can keep doing whatever they want. Even better if we convince each other that talking about this stuff is taboo and unproductive. Remember: A populace than can work together is a scary populace, if you’re in power.
      - XorNot 5y ago
        A huge number of people are extremely eager to tell you their long-winded justification on why some group of people should be exterminated. I don't see how there's any value in trying to understand that because the division is built right into the premise.
    - BeetleB 5y ago
      > But what’s the point? Political conversations, even civil ones where everyone walks away understanding each other’s POV and agree to disagree, usually aren’t going to accomplish anything concrete, because very few people have the opportunity to affect government policy. That's true of most conversations - not just political ones. Why put them in a special bucket? > The best case scenario is that talking about politics doesn’t make your relationship worse. This is silly. There are lots of good case scenarios. Even "I enjoyed the conversation" is a good case scenario, and there are many better outcomes. > The good outcomes of more ordinary conversation, where we learn from each other and put what you learn into action, doesn’t exist. If you've convinced yourself an entity doesn't exist, then it will not exist for you.
- mc32 5y ago
  There are people who will make any excuse not to talk about the exact thing they want to avoid and it's more trouble than it's worth pulling teeth trying to find a way to talk about the issue. They just don't want to face it at all.

notriddle 5y ago

You’re assuming that talking about the awkward situation will help fix it. If it’s something like code review, it might. If it’s world politics, it probably won’t. Even if you do actually convince him that his pet solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict is a bad idea, he was never in a position to put his terrible plan into action anyway, so the whole conversation accomplished nothing.

afcapel 5y ago
That's exactly the problem: assuming that the only valid reason to talk about an awkward situation is to convince the other person that they are wrong or change their behaviour. We can talk about about awkward things, nobody has to convince anyone of anything. You can listen to the other person and just come to understand how they feel and why. You don't need to feel the same way, just have a better understanding of why they feel how they feel. If more people did this the world would be a much better place. It'd accomplish a lot, I think.
- OnACoffeeBreak 5y ago
  That is exactly the point. It's not about proving your point or bring proven right or wrong. It's about understanding the other point of view. That's what discussion is all about.
  - watwut 5y ago
    Sometimes, fully understanding other position means you will perceive them as even more threat.
- notriddle 5y ago
  But what’s the point? Political conversations, even civil ones where everyone walks away understanding each other’s POV and agree to disagree, usually aren’t going to accomplish anything concrete, because very few people have the opportunity to affect government policy. The best case scenario is that talking about politics doesn’t make your relationship worse. The most likely outcome, as you’ve noticed, is that we both leave convinced that each other are idiots. The good outcomes of more ordinary conversation, where we learn from each other and put what you learn into action, doesn’t exist. So what’s the point?
  - Swizec 5y ago
    It accomplishes a better understanding between people and a less divisive society. Which is also what we need to stick it to the man. They want us to fight and bicker and be divided into camps and never agree on anything. That’s how they can keep doing whatever they want. Even better if we convince each other that talking about this stuff is taboo and unproductive. Remember: A populace than can work together is a scary populace, if you’re in power.
    - XorNot 5y ago
      A huge number of people are extremely eager to tell you their long-winded justification on why some group of people should be exterminated. I don't see how there's any value in trying to understand that because the division is built right into the premise.
  - BeetleB 5y ago
    > But what’s the point? Political conversations, even civil ones where everyone walks away understanding each other’s POV and agree to disagree, usually aren’t going to accomplish anything concrete, because very few people have the opportunity to affect government policy. That's true of most conversations - not just political ones. Why put them in a special bucket? > The best case scenario is that talking about politics doesn’t make your relationship worse. This is silly. There are lots of good case scenarios. Even "I enjoyed the conversation" is a good case scenario, and there are many better outcomes. > The good outcomes of more ordinary conversation, where we learn from each other and put what you learn into action, doesn’t exist. If you've convinced yourself an entity doesn't exist, then it will not exist for you.
mc32 5y ago
There are people who will make any excuse not to talk about the exact thing they want to avoid and it's more trouble than it's worth pulling teeth trying to find a way to talk about the issue. They just don't want to face it at all.