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"...and divorce tends to hurt women financially much more than it does men" Everything I read about this, including anecdotal evidence points to the opposite,

"...and divorce tends to hurt women financially much more than it does men" Everything I read about this, including anecdotal evidence points to the opposite, where men are routinely taken to the cleaners by the family court. Could you point to some resources that suggest otherwise? I'm trying to see the full picture here.

DoreenMichele 6y ago
No, I'm not going to bother. I appear to be the highest ranked woman on Hacker News. It has failed to get me significant career contacts or substantial income. I have not eaten today. I have 50 cents to my name. I was homeless for nearly six years. I am shitposting on HN because I am too hungry, tired and out of sorts to do anything better and I am sick to death of trying to point out the obvious to people who absolutely do not want to hear it. Anecdotally: I was a homemaker for years. I have six years of college and lots of evidence that I'm competent. I cannot turn it into a "career" or adequate income. My ex got to take his lovely resume and keep working and he bought a house and remarried and yadda. Because the years he spent working at his career while I cooked his meals and raised our kids is something he can bank on and I can't.
- dev_throw 6y ago
  Sorry to hear about your situation, and thanks for taking my question in good faith. I see, basically a stay at home wife/mother is not adequately compensated for her time spent at home maintaining it and taking care of the children. In the west, this is still a choice though, right? These days I don't think anyone can "bank" on their spouse staying at home while they work. In those years, you had the choice of going to work. For better or worse (I personally think children need at least one parent in early development years), you stayed at home and took care of them.
  - DoreenMichele 6y ago
    My last serious boyfriend was Iranian. He treated me with more respect than any American man ever has and Farsi, like Japanese, only has a single gender-neutral pronoun. He had nasty, filthy sayings about sucking up to women in power equivalent to standard sayings I already knew for sucking up to men in power. I had never heard the equivalent in my life. Knowing him was a huge, huge personal growth experience and helped me figure out how to stand up for myself and insist men not shit all over me every single step of the way in life. Which is probably one of the reasons I appear to be the highest ranked woman on Hacker News. So I do have some insights into how women get treated in the Middle East. And before anyone jumps up to tell me my last boyfriend must have been some kind of statistical outlier, that's the same BS excuse people are making in this same discussion for American women who get treated like property in some parts of the US. It amounts to "La la la not listening. Don't confuse me with the facts." Certainly, there are differences. But as someone who is still suffering terribly the consequences of having been born female, I find it personally galling for people to act like I'm some kind of loon for pointing out the differences aren't as dramatic as we want to imagine.
sukilot 6y ago
"Taken to the cleaners" means "forced to maintain the same economic arrangement as during the marriage". The economic power of women is largely non-mothers and married mothers' husbands. A homemaking mother with 10+ years experience has severely degraded economic value in the job market.
watwut 6y ago
This is not true. Men are better off finacially after divorce. Alimony are rare and typically awarded only in housewife situation. There is only child support and division of assets acquired during marriage - typically half/half. The cleaners sentiment comes from men thinking the common property is all/most theirs.

DoreenMichele 6y ago

No, I'm not going to bother. I appear to be the highest ranked woman on Hacker News. It has failed to get me significant career contacts or substantial income. I have not eaten today. I have 50 cents to my name. I was homeless for nearly six years. I am shitposting on HN because I am too hungry, tired and out of sorts to do anything better and I am sick to death of trying to point out the obvious to people who absolutely do not want to hear it. Anecdotally: I was a homemaker for years. I have six years of college and lots of evidence that I'm competent. I cannot turn it into a "career" or adequate income. My ex got to take his lovely resume and keep working and he bought a house and remarried and yadda. Because the years he spent working at his career while I cooked his meals and raised our kids is something he can bank on and I can't.

dev_throw 6y ago
Sorry to hear about your situation, and thanks for taking my question in good faith. I see, basically a stay at home wife/mother is not adequately compensated for her time spent at home maintaining it and taking care of the children. In the west, this is still a choice though, right? These days I don't think anyone can "bank" on their spouse staying at home while they work. In those years, you had the choice of going to work. For better or worse (I personally think children need at least one parent in early development years), you stayed at home and took care of them.
- DoreenMichele 6y ago
  My last serious boyfriend was Iranian. He treated me with more respect than any American man ever has and Farsi, like Japanese, only has a single gender-neutral pronoun. He had nasty, filthy sayings about sucking up to women in power equivalent to standard sayings I already knew for sucking up to men in power. I had never heard the equivalent in my life. Knowing him was a huge, huge personal growth experience and helped me figure out how to stand up for myself and insist men not shit all over me every single step of the way in life. Which is probably one of the reasons I appear to be the highest ranked woman on Hacker News. So I do have some insights into how women get treated in the Middle East. And before anyone jumps up to tell me my last boyfriend must have been some kind of statistical outlier, that's the same BS excuse people are making in this same discussion for American women who get treated like property in some parts of the US. It amounts to "La la la not listening. Don't confuse me with the facts." Certainly, there are differences. But as someone who is still suffering terribly the consequences of having been born female, I find it personally galling for people to act like I'm some kind of loon for pointing out the differences aren't as dramatic as we want to imagine.

sukilot 6y ago

"Taken to the cleaners" means "forced to maintain the same economic arrangement as during the marriage". The economic power of women is largely non-mothers and married mothers' husbands. A homemaking mother with 10+ years experience has severely degraded economic value in the job market.

watwut 6y ago

This is not true. Men are better off finacially after divorce. Alimony are rare and typically awarded only in housewife situation. There is only child support and division of assets acquired during marriage - typically half/half. The cleaners sentiment comes from men thinking the common property is all/most theirs.