10 ms·

Top Mistakes in Behavior Change

186 points by benreyes 16y ago

j_baker 16y ago
Thank you. Nothing annoys me more than people who blame everything on lack of willpower and motivation.
- sliverstorm 16y ago
  People who fault themselves for their own failures annoy you? Gee.
  - deleted 16y ago
    [deleted]
    - sliverstorm 16y ago
      Oh, is the grandparent in this case referring to blaming OTHER people and saying they had insufficient drive/motivation? Yeah, that'd be annoying. Self-critics though? You have to be a real downer to get annoying if you're a self-critic.
  - philh 16y ago
    "I want to do that, but I just don't have the willpower" used as an excuse not to try would get annoying quickly. You don't really want to do it; you just want to signal like you do. Faulting yourself is useful iff you subsequently attempt to fix yourself. Otherwise it's probably counterproductive.
  - j_baker 16y ago
    Well, generally they tend to fault themselves and others. Really, it's more the faulting of others that annoys me the most.
weirdcat 16y ago
It's like a highly condensed version of Switch (http://heathbrothers.com/switch/ http://heathbrothers.com/switch/, highly recommended)
- midnightmonster 16y ago
  Bought for kindle. Resonates so far, but doesn't seem to have any intention of telling me how to apply it's wisdom to my actual problems.
  - aharrison 16y ago
    After I read most of it, I took some problems I was having and tried to come up with mappings and methods of approach for fixing them. Then I showed them to my mentor, and he shot them all down. But practice makes perfect, fail fast and iterate, or something.
- sk_0919 16y ago
  Thanks. The first chapter there is very insightful - http://heathbrothers.com/switch/chapterone.php http://heathbrothers.com/switch/chapterone.php
kilian 16y ago
Paraphrased: try something new. If it doesn't work, no biggie. Sound advice.
halo 16y ago
The slides in text form: 1. Relying on willpower for long-term change - Imagine willpower doesn't exist. 2. Attempting big leaps instead of baby steps - Seek tiny successes, one after another 3. Ignoring how environment shapes behaviors - Change your life and change your context 4. Trying to stop old behaviors instead of creating new ones - Focus on action, not avoidance 5. Blaming failures of lack of motivation - Make the behavior easier to do 6. Underestimating the power of triggers - No behavior happens without a trigger 7. Believing information leads to action - We humans aren't so rational 8. Focusing on abstract goals more than concrete behaviors - Abstract: Get in shape. Concrete: Walk 15 min. today 9. Seeking to changea behavior forever, not for a short time - A fixed period works better than "forever" 10. Assuming that behavior change is difficult. - Behavior change is not so hard when you have the right process Can anyone expand on what they mean by 3 and 6?
- ztan 16y ago
  My 2 cents: 3. Habits are often formed because of/to adapt the environment. (evolution?) Hang out with smoker friends all the time, higher chance of becoming a smoker. Or if you have a door that doesn't shut/lock properly. It could lead you to form a habit of double checking the door every time you close it. Fixing the door would probably cause you to lose that habit. 6. A lot of behaviors are set off by certain triggers. It could be different for everyone. Smoker trying to quit should probably avoid being at places where everyone is smoking. AA member probably should avoid going to bars. Recognizing triggers allow you to avoid things that lead to undesired compulsive behaviors. At the same time they can be used to create desirable ones. Perhaps listening to motivational music or phrases will trigger someone to study and seek self improvement.
  - ay 16y ago
    Triggers are very powerful indeed. I'm pretty happy to see this list - since I nailed probably 6-7 out of them while hacking the smoking habit out of myself last year. Coincidentally I've written this up earlier today for one of my friends who's just 3 days into the journey - and thought to share here as well. If it helps anyone at all - I'd be happy. http://bnpcs.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-to-quit-smoking.html http://bnpcs.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-to-quit-smoking.html
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Mz 16y ago
RE: halo's text summary -- the slides themselves are just text. There are no inspirational pics or anything. You can skip the presentation once you've read his post. But I think this list leaves out the important detail of understanding/addressing root causes.
dkarl 16y ago
I think "#2 Attempting big leaps instead of baby steps" should be changed. Attempting big leaps can be very educational and motivational if you're realistic about the fact that you're going to backslide. Making a big change for a week or two while you're highly motivated feels great and establishes some new habits and memories that will be useful to you later when you're having a hard time. It's also a great opportunity to try out new behaviors that are unknown and scary to you. When your motivation and interest are not so high, you will not be able to keep up the changes, but you will benefit from having removed the uncertainty and the first-time inhibition from your new behaviors and activities, and your idea of what _you_ can accomplish will be forever broadened.
jcro41 16y ago
I looked through the site and found this: http://www.behaviorwizard.org/wp/behavior-grid/ http://www.behaviorwizard.org/wp/behavior-grid/ It really makes you think about behavior change in a much clearer way.
techiferous 16y ago
I would add: #11: Not realizing you can't imagine your future accurately. Some changes you make are so significant it's like you are playing a whole new game. If you don't realize this, then you will not be a good judge of whether to make the change. For example, let's say you enjoy playing basketball. Someone comes up holding a football and invites you to play football. You don't realize that he's talking about a new game with new rules and a new environment. You look at his oddly-shaped ball and imagine yourself trying to dribble that ball down the court. You conclude that you wouldn't enjoy football. I've made numerous significant life changes, among them becoming vegan and going car-free. Both of those decisions are game-changing and so it's really hard to imagine yourself making those changes; you really have to just try it for a while before making up your mind. For veganism, I often hear people say "I could never give up X" or "What do you eat?". They imagine themselves no longer eating their favorite foods, not realizing that after adjusting to veganism their palate will change and they'll have different favorite foods. And they also don't realize the abundance of vegan foods out there because they've never had an incentive to look, so they just assume they'd be eating salads all the time. Ditching my car was another game-changer. I wouldn't recommend doing this unless you are in a well-designed city. I moved from Norfolk, Virginia to Boston, Massachusetts and ditched my car in the process. If I had imagined myself in the environment of Norfolk without a car, I would have never been tempted to do so. But I had visited Boston and also had lived for a while in Germany without a car and so I knew what it was like to live in a well-designed city without a car. Even so, I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of cost and inconvenience I was getting rid of by not having a car: no more gas-filling eating away my time and money, no more large key fobs filling up my pockets, no more having to ask my friends if they know a good mechanic, no more driving around forever looking for a parking space, etc. etc. All the inconveniences of owning a car were somewhat invisible beforehand and they didn't become quite so apparent until after actually ditching the car. tl;dr: if you're making a significant life change, you can't accurately imagine what your new situation will be like by extrapolating from your past experiences.

186 points by benreyes 16y ago

j_baker 16y ago

Thank you. Nothing annoys me more than people who blame everything on lack of willpower and motivation.

sliverstorm 16y ago
People who fault themselves for their own failures annoy you? Gee.
- deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
  - sliverstorm 16y ago
    Oh, is the grandparent in this case referring to blaming OTHER people and saying they had insufficient drive/motivation? Yeah, that'd be annoying. Self-critics though? You have to be a real downer to get annoying if you're a self-critic.
- philh 16y ago
  "I want to do that, but I just don't have the willpower" used as an excuse not to try would get annoying quickly. You don't really want to do it; you just want to signal like you do. Faulting yourself is useful iff you subsequently attempt to fix yourself. Otherwise it's probably counterproductive.
- j_baker 16y ago
  Well, generally they tend to fault themselves and others. Really, it's more the faulting of others that annoys me the most.

weirdcat 16y ago

It's like a highly condensed version of Switch (http://heathbrothers.com/switch/ http://heathbrothers.com/switch/, highly recommended)

midnightmonster 16y ago
Bought for kindle. Resonates so far, but doesn't seem to have any intention of telling me how to apply it's wisdom to my actual problems.
- aharrison 16y ago
  After I read most of it, I took some problems I was having and tried to come up with mappings and methods of approach for fixing them. Then I showed them to my mentor, and he shot them all down. But practice makes perfect, fail fast and iterate, or something.
sk_0919 16y ago
Thanks. The first chapter there is very insightful - http://heathbrothers.com/switch/chapterone.php http://heathbrothers.com/switch/chapterone.php

kilian 16y ago

Paraphrased: try something new. If it doesn't work, no biggie. Sound advice.

halo 16y ago

The slides in text form: 1. Relying on willpower for long-term change - Imagine willpower doesn't exist. 2. Attempting big leaps instead of baby steps - Seek tiny successes, one after another 3. Ignoring how environment shapes behaviors - Change your life and change your context 4. Trying to stop old behaviors instead of creating new ones - Focus on action, not avoidance 5. Blaming failures of lack of motivation - Make the behavior easier to do 6. Underestimating the power of triggers - No behavior happens without a trigger 7. Believing information leads to action - We humans aren't so rational 8. Focusing on abstract goals more than concrete behaviors - Abstract: Get in shape. Concrete: Walk 15 min. today 9. Seeking to changea behavior forever, not for a short time - A fixed period works better than "forever" 10. Assuming that behavior change is difficult. - Behavior change is not so hard when you have the right process Can anyone expand on what they mean by 3 and 6?

ztan 16y ago
My 2 cents: 3. Habits are often formed because of/to adapt the environment. (evolution?) Hang out with smoker friends all the time, higher chance of becoming a smoker. Or if you have a door that doesn't shut/lock properly. It could lead you to form a habit of double checking the door every time you close it. Fixing the door would probably cause you to lose that habit. 6. A lot of behaviors are set off by certain triggers. It could be different for everyone. Smoker trying to quit should probably avoid being at places where everyone is smoking. AA member probably should avoid going to bars. Recognizing triggers allow you to avoid things that lead to undesired compulsive behaviors. At the same time they can be used to create desirable ones. Perhaps listening to motivational music or phrases will trigger someone to study and seek self improvement.
- ay 16y ago
  Triggers are very powerful indeed. I'm pretty happy to see this list - since I nailed probably 6-7 out of them while hacking the smoking habit out of myself last year. Coincidentally I've written this up earlier today for one of my friends who's just 3 days into the journey - and thought to share here as well. If it helps anyone at all - I'd be happy. http://bnpcs.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-to-quit-smoking.html http://bnpcs.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-to-quit-smoking.html

fdhjtyjkty 16y ago

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Mz 16y ago

RE: halo's text summary -- the slides themselves are just text. There are no inspirational pics or anything. You can skip the presentation once you've read his post. But I think this list leaves out the important detail of understanding/addressing root causes.

dkarl 16y ago

I think "#2 Attempting big leaps instead of baby steps" should be changed. Attempting big leaps can be very educational and motivational if you're realistic about the fact that you're going to backslide. Making a big change for a week or two while you're highly motivated feels great and establishes some new habits and memories that will be useful to you later when you're having a hard time. It's also a great opportunity to try out new behaviors that are unknown and scary to you. When your motivation and interest are not so high, you will not be able to keep up the changes, but you will benefit from having removed the uncertainty and the first-time inhibition from your new behaviors and activities, and your idea of what _you_ can accomplish will be forever broadened.

jcro41 16y ago

I looked through the site and found this: http://www.behaviorwizard.org/wp/behavior-grid/ http://www.behaviorwizard.org/wp/behavior-grid/ It really makes you think about behavior change in a much clearer way.

techiferous 16y ago

I would add: #11: Not realizing you can't imagine your future accurately. Some changes you make are so significant it's like you are playing a whole new game. If you don't realize this, then you will not be a good judge of whether to make the change. For example, let's say you enjoy playing basketball. Someone comes up holding a football and invites you to play football. You don't realize that he's talking about a new game with new rules and a new environment. You look at his oddly-shaped ball and imagine yourself trying to dribble that ball down the court. You conclude that you wouldn't enjoy football. I've made numerous significant life changes, among them becoming vegan and going car-free. Both of those decisions are game-changing and so it's really hard to imagine yourself making those changes; you really have to just try it for a while before making up your mind. For veganism, I often hear people say "I could never give up X" or "What do you eat?". They imagine themselves no longer eating their favorite foods, not realizing that after adjusting to veganism their palate will change and they'll have different favorite foods. And they also don't realize the abundance of vegan foods out there because they've never had an incentive to look, so they just assume they'd be eating salads all the time. Ditching my car was another game-changer. I wouldn't recommend doing this unless you are in a well-designed city. I moved from Norfolk, Virginia to Boston, Massachusetts and ditched my car in the process. If I had imagined myself in the environment of Norfolk without a car, I would have never been tempted to do so. But I had visited Boston and also had lived for a while in Germany without a car and so I knew what it was like to live in a well-designed city without a car. Even so, I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of cost and inconvenience I was getting rid of by not having a car: no more gas-filling eating away my time and money, no more large key fobs filling up my pockets, no more having to ask my friends if they know a good mechanic, no more driving around forever looking for a parking space, etc. etc. All the inconveniences of owning a car were somewhat invisible beforehand and they didn't become quite so apparent until after actually ditching the car. tl;dr: if you're making a significant life change, you can't accurately imagine what your new situation will be like by extrapolating from your past experiences.