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This is my 2nd attempt to reply - just created an account. I hope it gets there. I feel very much for you - you sound like you have physical pain as well as f

This is my 2nd attempt to reply - just created an account. I hope it gets there. I feel very much for you - you sound like you have physical pain as well as financial distress. I am a sometime lurker on this site who has created an account to tell you that I hope you get some kind of breakthrough or something good does happen. Probably that's not much help. Please hang on. I have read your post and also your comments to other posts and can see that you are an intelligent and good person. You love your cat, and she needs you, and yes, she does love you too! Being not a programmer or sysadmin etc. myself there is not any concrete help I can give. I would hope that some here would be able to offer you some remote work?

hestipod 9y ago
Thanks for taking the time to reply. There is no shortage of good people who would help if they could. Meeting and coming across so many is the reason I am not a complete misanthrope. The problem is the systems and people who were supposed to be there, and could have, weren't. It's a big thing to ask of a stranger, to step in and fill that role, so while I am disappointed I knew from past experience this was unlikely to result in anything. There are countless people like me and even far worse as well, so it's not as if I think I deserve that more than anyone else out there in need or expected a real miracle, I just had to try. The massive stress of worrying about the outcome is at least behind me. I appreciate your kindness.
- techdreamer 9y ago
  hestipod - unfortunately this has gone the way of the HN news rush, please don’t take it to heart. You mentioned in one archived post I read something about a guy who was able to plot tankers on maps online. I suppose it is hard to get something like that, but can’t help wondering if some in HN crowd could have something along these lines. (What, I have no idea). I wonder how he got into that? I hope that your current condition is at least in someway stable, eg, housing - I get what you are saying about Maslow’s bottom rung - you need work, stable housing and a chance. Please hang in there.
  - hestipod 9y ago
    Finding something like that was the hope but it's dead. That guy worked in the field before and knew someone at the non-profit so he had relevant background and a hookup. Both of those things, or at least the latter, are required. I have neither for anything anymore. Housing is not stable...it's miserable and one of my biggest pain points. I am in the middle of nowhere with two people who resent each other and me, I am being pushed out passive aggressively and sometimes overtly, every day is full of anxiety and stress which just increases the pain. The longer things in my life have gone on the more I need and the more specific my needs are. Nobody would help when it was far easier to solve...nobody is going to now. This is not cynicism...this is wisdom based in consistent experience. I have cast this hail mary net over and over after exhausting my ability to create a path by myself, never resulted in anything but well wishes (which I appreciate but ultimately aren't a solution), interrogation from people who were never going to do anything anyway, and blame. This post was flagged repeatedly and buried before it had a chance. People won't help but they will fight you and argue with you and make it all about them. And naturally when you experience this over and over and have the resulting attitude about it as I do now...your attitude is then blamed as the problem in some absurd retcon. Truth is most people avoid suffering and need or worse attack it out of fear. It's the root of victim blaming and extends to a wide set of behaviors. See how most people react to the homeless as proof. When people rarely DO help at all they put so many conditions and judgment on it that it renders it ineffective in the long run. I was fortunate enough not to be born in a war zone or some terrible poverty and had a few good years in my life but a fraction of what I had earned and would have occurred had my life not been stolen, but I was UNfortunate enough to be born in the USA where once I lost my value to the machine I was cast aside rather than helped to stabilize and be allowed a productive future....let alone any happiness. The United States of the Thunderdome made it's choice and I am screwed as a result. I want out for good...can't get out...another thing that was betrayed and derailed by someone's injurious actions. I want a small stable life. Can't get it as long as every foundation I build is knocked over by someone and then I am told to "stop being a victim" etc. I AM a victim...of repeated instances. It's not a choice or a viewpoint. I am not making excuses. This is reality and what has happened. I can't be responsible for other people's actions but am constantly treated as I should be...yet none of those people are held accountable for THEIRS. Yeah I am angry, and depressed, and resentful...and rightly so and so would anyone who had lived this. But none of it matters. Screaming into a void for so many years out of pathetic desperation hanging on to imaginary hopes and dreams of just being allowed to have a life.

hestipod 9y ago

Thanks for taking the time to reply. There is no shortage of good people who would help if they could. Meeting and coming across so many is the reason I am not a complete misanthrope. The problem is the systems and people who were supposed to be there, and could have, weren't. It's a big thing to ask of a stranger, to step in and fill that role, so while I am disappointed I knew from past experience this was unlikely to result in anything. There are countless people like me and even far worse as well, so it's not as if I think I deserve that more than anyone else out there in need or expected a real miracle, I just had to try. The massive stress of worrying about the outcome is at least behind me. I appreciate your kindness.

techdreamer 9y ago
hestipod - unfortunately this has gone the way of the HN news rush, please don’t take it to heart. You mentioned in one archived post I read something about a guy who was able to plot tankers on maps online. I suppose it is hard to get something like that, but can’t help wondering if some in HN crowd could have something along these lines. (What, I have no idea). I wonder how he got into that? I hope that your current condition is at least in someway stable, eg, housing - I get what you are saying about Maslow’s bottom rung - you need work, stable housing and a chance. Please hang in there.
- hestipod 9y ago
  Finding something like that was the hope but it's dead. That guy worked in the field before and knew someone at the non-profit so he had relevant background and a hookup. Both of those things, or at least the latter, are required. I have neither for anything anymore. Housing is not stable...it's miserable and one of my biggest pain points. I am in the middle of nowhere with two people who resent each other and me, I am being pushed out passive aggressively and sometimes overtly, every day is full of anxiety and stress which just increases the pain. The longer things in my life have gone on the more I need and the more specific my needs are. Nobody would help when it was far easier to solve...nobody is going to now. This is not cynicism...this is wisdom based in consistent experience. I have cast this hail mary net over and over after exhausting my ability to create a path by myself, never resulted in anything but well wishes (which I appreciate but ultimately aren't a solution), interrogation from people who were never going to do anything anyway, and blame. This post was flagged repeatedly and buried before it had a chance. People won't help but they will fight you and argue with you and make it all about them. And naturally when you experience this over and over and have the resulting attitude about it as I do now...your attitude is then blamed as the problem in some absurd retcon. Truth is most people avoid suffering and need or worse attack it out of fear. It's the root of victim blaming and extends to a wide set of behaviors. See how most people react to the homeless as proof. When people rarely DO help at all they put so many conditions and judgment on it that it renders it ineffective in the long run. I was fortunate enough not to be born in a war zone or some terrible poverty and had a few good years in my life but a fraction of what I had earned and would have occurred had my life not been stolen, but I was UNfortunate enough to be born in the USA where once I lost my value to the machine I was cast aside rather than helped to stabilize and be allowed a productive future....let alone any happiness. The United States of the Thunderdome made it's choice and I am screwed as a result. I want out for good...can't get out...another thing that was betrayed and derailed by someone's injurious actions. I want a small stable life. Can't get it as long as every foundation I build is knocked over by someone and then I am told to "stop being a victim" etc. I AM a victim...of repeated instances. It's not a choice or a viewpoint. I am not making excuses. This is reality and what has happened. I can't be responsible for other people's actions but am constantly treated as I should be...yet none of those people are held accountable for THEIRS. Yeah I am angry, and depressed, and resentful...and rightly so and so would anyone who had lived this. But none of it matters. Screaming into a void for so many years out of pathetic desperation hanging on to imaginary hopes and dreams of just being allowed to have a life.