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How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
- majewsky 9y agoLooks like hug of death: > Error establishing a database connection Does someone have an archive link? (Or an explanation why rendering this article requires a database connection, for that matter.)
- fiatjaf 9y agoBecause it is using Wordpress or some other useless PHP-based CMS.
- colejohnson66 9y agoThey're not useless if the person using them can't program
- sdfhbdf 9y agoThey're not useless when you don't have time to program your own CMS. Wordpress is good for blogs. It takes no time to set up, is crazy customizable and widely supported. Writing your own solution in whatever nodejs-react wonderland would take much more time than is necessary. A good alternative would be to use github pages.
- colejohnson66 9y agoIt requires a database connection because it's Wordpress and Wordpress stores the article's content in the database, not the filesystem.
- yasoob 9y agoOpen it using Google cache: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache%3Awww.thedurkweb.com%2Fhow-sharing-a-bed-with-my-girlfriend-changed-my-sleep%2F&oq=cache%3Awww.thedurkweb.com%2Fhow-sharing-a-bed-with-my-girlfriend-changed-my-sleep%2F&aqs=chrome..69i57j69i58.1008j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache%3Awww.t...
- shaunrussell 9y agoSite down. Advice: set up cloudflare for caching / cdn, it is free.
- bbcbasic 9y agoNot bad advice, if is good enough for HN...
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- fiatjaf 9y ago"Error establishing a database connection" Oh, PHP and MySQL.
- Viper007Bond 9y agoWhat's PHP have to do with an overloaded database server?
- neom 9y agoI used to think it was weird that if I fell asleep without my girlfriend in the bed I saw a correlation to the number of times I woke up / quality of my sleep. We broke up two weeks ago and sleeping has certainly been the most difficult adjustment. Also why Quantum Biology is interesting as it paints a subconscious non-sensory human connection. : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADiql3FG5is&t=388s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADiql3FG5is&t=388s / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8weQFmQYxL8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8weQFmQYxL8 Working article link: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:yrb4OPBiGxoJ:www.thedurkweb.com/how-sharing-a-bed-with-my-girlfriend-changed-my-sleep/+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:yrb4OPB...
- codingdave 9y agoWelcome to the little-discussed world of adult sleeping arrangements, where many couples secretly don't sleep next to each other. We don't talk about it much because those who do sleep next to each other think that our relationships must be horribly broken, and we don't feel the need to justify our choices, or get into details of the logistics of our intimate lives. But talked about or not, it is true -- many more couples than you might think choose sleep separately for exactly the reasons shown by this data. A good night's sleep is more important in the long run than physical proximity to your partner.
- dclowd9901 9y ago...for you.
- ci5er 9y agoWhat about a king size bed? With dual twin size coverings? I'm not judging - but sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I was married for a long while - and I miss it. That said - she only weighed 95 pounds, so maybe not having to deal with king-kong in my bed helped.
- pavel_lishin 9y ago> sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I think that sleeping together (in the literal, dictionary sense) is the least together-thing you're doing as a couple, because you're literally not even aware of the time.
- ci5er 9y agoMaybe so. But, for me, subliminally - it feels when I wake up that there is a felt difference from having spent the night alone or not. But, again, maybe that's just me.
- pavel_lishin 9y ago
- codemogul 9y agoExtra points: Provide a graph showing correlation (or inverse) sexytimes vs Bedtime(apart) and Bedtime(together) LOL
- sdurx 9y agoHave been explicitly forbidden ;(
- caseysoftware 9y agoI honestly LOL'd at this, especially trying to imagine the discussion: "But honey, it's for science! Don't you want to make the world a better place!?"
- sdfhbdf 9y agoI honestly don't know what to make of this. Is this a good or a bad sign? Too long? Too short?
- gutnor 9y agoOr correlation with basically everything else. I sleep better when in a separate room than my wife, because if that happens that's probably because she was being nice and shielded me from my morning duties, and let the kid jump in her bed in the morning. In order for those measure to make any sense OP would need to follow the exact same routine with and without his girlfriend (in the same flat of course). Otherwise it is measuring the general effect of living with somebody (different activities, different morning arrangement, different commute, ...) rather than the specific sleeping arrangement effect. Now I'm not discarding the effect, however after a few years together, you start getting used to your bed partner. The stuff that really matters is if you have enough room and sheets to make it work. In the extreme case, a queen size bed is basically 2 single bed joined together and is a cheaper alternative than the extra half a million an extra bedroom costs. edit: reread the article and it seems OP actually talk more about the effect of living with somebody rather than the physical sleeping arrangement. Comments were drifting in the "physical" direction at the time I commented. I definitively share the same experience - obviously with a kid and wife, I have much less freedom in my night and morning routine. Not sure I'm sleeping better, my wife definitively is - her stress level is way lower when she knows I'm home and she sleeps more deeply, not woken up by every little noise (the effect has been mitigated slightly since we have a child though)
- TillE 9y agoPretty cool to have data on this. My more recent long-term relationships have involved actually sleeping in separate beds 99% of the time, which I'm quite happy with. Maybe it works for some couples, but it seems like a tradition borne of history and culture and limited living space. Much prefer having my own room.
- fiatjaf 9y agoSo in the past when there were less people per square miles on Earth there was less space and people had to share beds?
- brewdad 9y agoHomes have gotten much larger as humans have become more wealthy on average. Compare the 1500 sq ft 1950s suburban home to today's 3000+ sq ft McMansions.
- eeZah7Ux 9y agoThat really depends on the country. Many farmer houses (in warm areas) in Europe are much bigger that the average city house.
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- eeZah7Ux 9y agoHeated rooms were for kings and aristocrats, everybody else had to share smaller rooms to keep the heat if they lived in colder climates.
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- pbhjpbhj 9y ago>Much prefer having my own room. // I really like sleeping with my wife, and with the kids when camping or when we have guests over. However, I miss having a proper space to call my own when I'm awake.
- Jedd 9y agoTowards the top of my 'advice to the young' list, is to obtain a king-sized bed as soon as possible after leaving home. (In AU these are around 2030x1900mm - though there are regional variances with the same appellation). Partly so you don't end up with a collection of incompatible sheeting as you slowly trade up bed sizes for the first few years of living away from home, but also because it makes it more likely that your sleep (arriving, leaving, and the bit in the between) patterns are much less likely to disrupt your partner.
- brewdad 9y agoMy wife and I came to the realization that the Europeans are onto something with the twin size duvets on full size beds after visiting last summer. Fortunately, neither of us snores much but she prefers to sleep with far less covers than I do. What used to be a constant battle of covers being tossed aside only to fail at reclaiming them later in the night now allows each of us to determine our own sleep temperature much more easily and with far less disruption to the other.
- saghm 9y agoOT, but I'm now super conflicted about whether the correct quantifier for covers is "less" or "fewer". I think I agree with you that "less" is more correct, but my inner pedantry can't shake the feeling that it sounds weird.
- Broken_Hippo 9y agoOh, she is onto something. I moved to Norway a few years back, and find that to be quite wonderful.
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- tvelichkov 9y agoLol, you have no idea whats coming for you when you have a baby.
- toomuchtodo 9y agoOnce your child makes it to a year, it's less "gates of hell" and more "mildy soul crushing".
- atemerev 9y agoMildly? I still wonder how anybody could voluntarily opt for a second one. Thank God for the hardwired unconditional love for one's own children (I have heard that occasionally it doesn't work — poor souls). And still, I never even remotely expected anything like what has happened.
- toomuchtodo 9y ago"Mildy" for the HN crowd :) I too was unprepared for the level of hell a child brings. But, unconditional love and all that jazz. For sure though, one is enough for one lifetime. My cousin is on his fourth; no idea why he hates himself so much.
- pavel_lishin 9y agoMy coworker has seven siblings. He tells me that it eventually gets easier, as they get old enough to help take care of the young ones. I assume it's similar to how you learn to echolocate if someone stabs your eyes out, or how you learn to pick things up with your feet if someone eats your hands.
- stevekemp 9y agoBoth my parents are from large families: * My mom has 11 siblings. * My dad has 6. I've got one child, and I while I could have another I think two would be my limit. Having two screaming children seems like it would be stressful enough, I can't imagine having more than three!
- RandomInteger4 9y agoI'm 31 and I've never had a partner, but every time I've had sex, the experience of sleep (or lack thereof) that follows fills me with dread concerning what life will be like in a relationship.
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- orthoganol 9y agoSame age, everyone is different, but my experience is at least in your 20s when you're getting your first tastes of cohabitating relationships: 1) Starting cohabitating relationship: First a transition period where you lose sleep, but then you sleep like a baby, you don't stay up late thinking or worrying about x,y,z. The downside is you find yourself in a stagnating ball of comfort and end up challenging yourself a lot less because you're just too comfortable. (I look back at how lame I became in some of my cohabitating relationships, and could say the same for others I know, but would not to their face.) b) Leaving cohabitating relationship: You sleep like a baby at first (nice surface feeling of independence), maybe for a couple months even, but then you grow anxious and feel negative effects of dependency withdrawal, and then end up losing a lot more sleep staying up late thinking or working. That can last a while, until you find another cohabitating relationship or find a deep rooted sense of independence again. Again, likely different when you're older, but I think that's the general trajectory of being in cohabitating relationships in your younger years.
- anigbrowl 9y agoI'm 31 and I've never had a partner 8-O If you want a relationship (and it sounds like you do) then you'd better take a deep breath and jump into one, because live-in relationships are psychically demanding and complex, and it takes significant time to learn how to do it - not least because it's hard to fully know yourself until you develop the ability to see yourself through the eyes of others. And I don't mean in little glimpses, but in the sense of giving someone time to fully know about you, including the parts of yourself you'd rather keep hidden, the compromises you make (or demand) when your interests are misaligned but you're tethered to each other, and so forth. I don't want to go into specifics as it's not a competition, but I've been sexually active nearly as long as you've been alive, and spent about 2/3 of that in relationships of various depth and complexity in addition to more casual flings. I'd say it's only around this stage of mid-life that I've developed a high degree of self-knowledge, even though I've been introverted as long as I can remember. Relationships are hard work, and you won't just lose sleep, you'll get your heart broken over and over. But loneliness and isolation are terribly, terribly corrosive, and I would say that to hold back from fully engaging with life is to literally waste your time. The value of being in love, loving others, and allowing them to love you are beyond price and enable you to overcome any level of fear. If there is a 'point' to consciousness, it is to fully experience this. You could die tomorrow, so I beg you from the bottom of my heart to start living today.
- 88e282102ae2e5b 9y agoThese differences appear quite small. It would really benefit from just having error bars, or any kind of significance test.
- noobermin 9y agoHonest question, most of the plots I see on r/dataisbeautiful or other pop data science sources would get me heckled at a group meeting. Does this mean a) my group is exceptionally harshly pushing for clarity and precision and life will be "easier" in the real world or does it mean a good chunk of statisticians in the field do poor work?
- kortex 9y agoI think a good chunk of the OC on /r/dataisbeautiful is not done by statisticians. Honestly at this point in the game, a tiny part of me gets annoyed any time I see ANY data without some indicator of variance.
- raisedbyninjas 9y agoHe really needs to plot more than hours. Restless sleep is just has harmful. My Xiaomi Mi Band can track deep sleep. I'm sure a fitbit can.
- inopinatus 9y agoI have a different experience, viz. that sharing a bed reduces the jitter in my sleeping patterns, with long-term benefits perceived in cognition, mood, and self-care. It'd be interesting to make a proper data analysis.
- r3bl 9y agoI'm interested. You've mentioned when you got the Fitbit, but haven't mentioned how long have you been sleeping together. Considering that you have recorded ~13 months in total, is the amount of data you have approximately the same or is the amount of data tilted on one of the sides in any way?
- dankohn1 9y agoAnyone recall that back in 2011, the default setting for your Fitbit data was public and it was set to be indexed by Google, leading to some rather embarrassing search results. https://techcrunch.com/2011/07/03/sexual-activity-tracked-by-fitbit-shows-up-in-google-search-results/ https://techcrunch.com/2011/07/03/sexual-activity-tracked-by...
- sowbug 9y agoOr the FitBit is confused by the second person, counting both person's movements as the wearer's movements.
- anigbrowl 9y agoIf she sees this your problem may well fix itself :) I do agree about the merits of a large bed though. With a wife and two huge dogs things get a little crowded but since I've been an insomniac since childhood this is merely a new version of an old problem.
- seshagiric 9y agoThe title takes the cake for click bait :) I think the interesting part is as the relationship matures, there is no emotional pull down in not sleeping close to each other and couple happily sleep a little far but on the same bed.
- dang 9y agoWe took Show HN out of the title because the article is more of a blog post than a thing people can try. We also took out "with my girlfriend", a form of bait in its own right, since the substance of the title remains the same without it.
- timwaagh 9y agoglad you are getting laid man. but this is like such a non issue.
- Camillo 9y agoWhen you stay up late, does your girlfriend also stay up? If it were me, I would stay up after she went asleep just so I could get some alone time. Maybe it's the same for you.
- SeoxyS 9y agoMostly it's just a matter of getting used to it… when I first moved in with a long-term girlfriend, I didn't sleep well sharing the bed. But I quickly got used to it and it became a non-issue within months. years later, we broke up and I went back to sleeping alone… These days I frequently share a bed with various people and it's a non-issue; I sleep perfectly regardless of anyone else being in the bed.
- markyc 9y agoEarplugs have been a game changer for me in this department. As an extremely light sleeper I've been struggling all my life with other people snoring or even semi-loud breathing. After I started using earplugs I'm now sleeping through the night even better than when I slept by myself. I feel like when I wear them I'm in an isolation chamber :) The trick was finding earplugs that don't hurt after wearing them for 8 hours, but after having tried a few I landed on some acceptable ones (I can still feel them but they're not uncomfortable if inserted properly)
- oski 9y agoWhich kind of earplugs did you settle on?
- markyc 9y agohttps://www.amazon.com/Quies-Pair-Foam-Earplugs-Pack/dp/B009FAJVEW https://www.amazon.com/Quies-Pair-Foam-Earplugs-Pack/dp/B009... There are probably better ones out there but these work fine for me. I also like that they don't cover the louder noises (I also hear the alarm clock), but if you're dealing with a heavy snorer they might not do the trick PS: with these the trick is in how you insert them in the year: not too little (they'll slip off during sleep) and not too much (your ears will hurt in the morning). As per their instructions, you roll them between your fingers a little and then pull on your ear lobe before gently inserting them
- _nalply 9y agoIt's a problem of upbringing. If you as a child learnt to sleep alone early you will have a problem sharing a bed. Case in point: My Asian wife sleeps happily with our children all over her. It's amazing.