5 ms·

Quora: "How does a penniless entrepreneur attract gold diggers?"

48 points by sulemanali 16y ago

4ensic 16y ago
Don't think of her as a potential mate, think of her as a potential 50% investor in your venture. She certainly does.
- jimboyoungblood 16y ago
  Then you'd better make sure her stock vests like everyone else's.
  - kristiandupont 16y ago
    Reminds me of this: http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/sex/a/gold_digger.htm http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/sex/a/gold_digger.htm
- falsestprophet 16y ago
  a 50% non-vesting partner with an 18+ year lock-up That doesn't sound like it's likely to end well.
deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
philwelch 16y ago
Contrast: "There was one surprise founders mentioned that I'd forgotten about: that outside the startup world, startup founders get no respect. ... Unfortunately this extends even to dating: It surprised me that being a startup founder does not get you more admiration from women. I did know about that, but I'd forgotten." http://www.paulgraham.com/really.html http://www.paulgraham.com/really.html
- kiba 16y ago
  It might serve as a filter to keep away all that gold-diggers.
  - jimboyoungblood 16y ago
    Or it might just be the truth that there are no "gold-diggers" targeting startup founders. Certainly I've never seen it.
gxs 16y ago
I've come to the conclusion that if you strip things down to basic principles, a woman that is looking for a man with a nice income, is really no different than us looking for a girl with big tits or with an interest in a special that. It's just some trait that she prefers in a partner. Every since I made this connection, I hold it less and less against women who want a man that makes a decent salary. My gf in college broke up with me after a couple of years, and while she'll never admit it, I know it was because I wasn't on the the investment banker track or the like. I used to have a chip on my shoulder about it, until I realized that she wanting that quality in me, was no different than the reasons I was madly in love with her.
- stretchwithme 16y ago
  we are driven by evolutionary forces.
  - CapitalistCartr 16y ago
    We are certainly influenced by them, but we don't have to be controlled by them,
  - mattmaroon 16y ago
    While this is true, we should never forget that we are the one animal with the capability to move beyond this. Through conscious effort, you can overcome many of the artifacts of evolution that run contrary to your happiness in the world in which we live in now. It's not easy, and it's never complete, but you can continuously improve yourself.
    - Alex3917 16y ago
      How long until the Matt Maroon's Overcome Evolution DVD set is released? :-)
      - mattmaroon 16y ago
        Hahaha. Classic.
deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
ganjianwei 16y ago
When I read the comments I can't help but feel that Hacker News is 99% male because all the comments are written from a male perspective. Not just that, they also address the community as though the entire community is male. E.g. "is really no different than us looking for a girl with big tits," "Don't think of her as a potential mate." Does anyone know the gender ratio of HN members? I'd be curious to know if it weren't overwhelmingly male. I think we'd all be better off if we got to see both male and female perspectives.
- yanowitz 16y ago
  Agreed. I've noticed this on other threads, thought this one will most likely put it into it's sharpest relief.
- DavidMcLaughlin 16y ago
  What you are describing is the concept of "Male gaze" in feminist theory. As common as this phenomenon is in general, it's especially rife in tech/geek circles in my experience.
  - fleitz 16y ago
    Aren't theories supposed to be falsifiable, or does that only apply to scientific theories?
    - yummyfajitas 16y ago
      In the social sciences, the word "theory" mainly refers to philosophical discussion and political activism.
- JesseAldridge 16y ago
  Yes, the community is overwhelmingly male. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=591309 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=591309
araneae 16y ago
This made me feel slightly nauseated, and I'm not sure why.
- yanowitz 16y ago
  Because it's incredibly misogynistic.
  - WalterGR 16y ago
    No it's not. It's describing a very specific situation. She looks---really looks---at her husband and realizes that outside of his consumer marketing instincts and technical wizardry and (increasingly infrequent) write-ups in TechCrunch and VentureBeat and his nouveau confidence, he's quite boring. He was one of the guys she scrunched her nose at in high school. She married someone she wasn't particularly interested in for what his money could buy her, and came to realize he is boring. The story doesn't make generalizations about all women.
patrickgzill 16y ago
I consider the narrative improbable.
techiferous 16y ago
I just celebrated my twelfth wedding anniversary and here's some advice: what you want to look for in a mate is a loyal friend for life. Things change. People change: your city, your religion, your personality, your income, your health. Through each change it's nice to have someone to make the change with you. A long, successful marriage requires that the relationship be reinvented as things change. At first you are lovers discovering each other, at another time you are collaborating parents, at another time you are supporting your spouse's dreams, and at yet another time it's your turn to have your dreams supported. If you're looking for something specific like wealth or beauty, that's fine but it would never work as a foundation for a satisfying marriage relationship. I've found the best foundation to be nurturing an unconditional love for all people, because when your spouse changes into another person you will still be able to love them.
- bmelton 16y ago
  The flip side to that, as a person currently dissolving his marriage of 10 years, is that it's a LOT harder to find a 'loyal friend for life' than it is with some other quality you prefer. It's also easy to rationalize how _easy_ it would be to love someone _forever_ when you're in the throes of new love, and just as easy to chalk up blame when that passion dies. I agree with the sentiment, I really do, and my (soon to be ex-) wife and I are still really good friends, but not only is 'find your best friend' not _necessarily_ a magic bullet, but it's also a lot harder to ferret out than, say, 'large breasted' or 'wealthy'. Though, it could just be my bitterness talking. :'(
zackattack 16y ago
"TL;DR: Women need emotional stimulation" Bingo.
topbanana 16y ago
Stock options
treyp 16y ago
this answer on Quora was specifically marked as "not for reproduction" so that it wouldn't be reproduced on other sites. i guess we'll see how Quora handles such cases.
- gjm11 16y ago
  Curiously, "not for reproduction" is also one (partial) answer to the original question.

48 points by sulemanali 16y ago

4ensic 16y ago

Don't think of her as a potential mate, think of her as a potential 50% investor in your venture. She certainly does.

jimboyoungblood 16y ago
Then you'd better make sure her stock vests like everyone else's.
- kristiandupont 16y ago
  Reminds me of this: http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/sex/a/gold_digger.htm http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/sex/a/gold_digger.htm
falsestprophet 16y ago
a 50% non-vesting partner with an 18+ year lock-up That doesn't sound like it's likely to end well.

deleted 16y ago

[deleted]

philwelch 16y ago

Contrast: "There was one surprise founders mentioned that I'd forgotten about: that outside the startup world, startup founders get no respect. ... Unfortunately this extends even to dating: It surprised me that being a startup founder does not get you more admiration from women. I did know about that, but I'd forgotten." http://www.paulgraham.com/really.html http://www.paulgraham.com/really.html

kiba 16y ago
It might serve as a filter to keep away all that gold-diggers.
- jimboyoungblood 16y ago
  Or it might just be the truth that there are no "gold-diggers" targeting startup founders. Certainly I've never seen it.

gxs 16y ago

I've come to the conclusion that if you strip things down to basic principles, a woman that is looking for a man with a nice income, is really no different than us looking for a girl with big tits or with an interest in a special that. It's just some trait that she prefers in a partner. Every since I made this connection, I hold it less and less against women who want a man that makes a decent salary. My gf in college broke up with me after a couple of years, and while she'll never admit it, I know it was because I wasn't on the the investment banker track or the like. I used to have a chip on my shoulder about it, until I realized that she wanting that quality in me, was no different than the reasons I was madly in love with her.

stretchwithme 16y ago
we are driven by evolutionary forces.
- CapitalistCartr 16y ago
  We are certainly influenced by them, but we don't have to be controlled by them,
- mattmaroon 16y ago
  While this is true, we should never forget that we are the one animal with the capability to move beyond this. Through conscious effort, you can overcome many of the artifacts of evolution that run contrary to your happiness in the world in which we live in now. It's not easy, and it's never complete, but you can continuously improve yourself.
  - Alex3917 16y ago
    How long until the Matt Maroon's Overcome Evolution DVD set is released? :-)
    - mattmaroon 16y ago
      Hahaha. Classic.

deleted 16y ago

[deleted]

ganjianwei 16y ago

When I read the comments I can't help but feel that Hacker News is 99% male because all the comments are written from a male perspective. Not just that, they also address the community as though the entire community is male. E.g. "is really no different than us looking for a girl with big tits," "Don't think of her as a potential mate." Does anyone know the gender ratio of HN members? I'd be curious to know if it weren't overwhelmingly male. I think we'd all be better off if we got to see both male and female perspectives.

yanowitz 16y ago
Agreed. I've noticed this on other threads, thought this one will most likely put it into it's sharpest relief.
DavidMcLaughlin 16y ago
What you are describing is the concept of "Male gaze" in feminist theory. As common as this phenomenon is in general, it's especially rife in tech/geek circles in my experience.
- fleitz 16y ago
  Aren't theories supposed to be falsifiable, or does that only apply to scientific theories?
  - yummyfajitas 16y ago
    In the social sciences, the word "theory" mainly refers to philosophical discussion and political activism.
JesseAldridge 16y ago
Yes, the community is overwhelmingly male. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=591309 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=591309

araneae 16y ago

This made me feel slightly nauseated, and I'm not sure why.

yanowitz 16y ago
Because it's incredibly misogynistic.
- WalterGR 16y ago
  No it's not. It's describing a very specific situation. She looks---really looks---at her husband and realizes that outside of his consumer marketing instincts and technical wizardry and (increasingly infrequent) write-ups in TechCrunch and VentureBeat and his nouveau confidence, he's quite boring. He was one of the guys she scrunched her nose at in high school. She married someone she wasn't particularly interested in for what his money could buy her, and came to realize he is boring. The story doesn't make generalizations about all women.

patrickgzill 16y ago

I consider the narrative improbable.

techiferous 16y ago

I just celebrated my twelfth wedding anniversary and here's some advice: what you want to look for in a mate is a loyal friend for life. Things change. People change: your city, your religion, your personality, your income, your health. Through each change it's nice to have someone to make the change with you. A long, successful marriage requires that the relationship be reinvented as things change. At first you are lovers discovering each other, at another time you are collaborating parents, at another time you are supporting your spouse's dreams, and at yet another time it's your turn to have your dreams supported. If you're looking for something specific like wealth or beauty, that's fine but it would never work as a foundation for a satisfying marriage relationship. I've found the best foundation to be nurturing an unconditional love for all people, because when your spouse changes into another person you will still be able to love them.

bmelton 16y ago
The flip side to that, as a person currently dissolving his marriage of 10 years, is that it's a LOT harder to find a 'loyal friend for life' than it is with some other quality you prefer. It's also easy to rationalize how _easy_ it would be to love someone _forever_ when you're in the throes of new love, and just as easy to chalk up blame when that passion dies. I agree with the sentiment, I really do, and my (soon to be ex-) wife and I are still really good friends, but not only is 'find your best friend' not _necessarily_ a magic bullet, but it's also a lot harder to ferret out than, say, 'large breasted' or 'wealthy'. Though, it could just be my bitterness talking. :'(

zackattack 16y ago

"TL;DR: Women need emotional stimulation" Bingo.

topbanana 16y ago

Stock options

treyp 16y ago

this answer on Quora was specifically marked as "not for reproduction" so that it wouldn't be reproduced on other sites. i guess we'll see how Quora handles such cases.

gjm11 16y ago
Curiously, "not for reproduction" is also one (partial) answer to the original question.