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I wasn't excusing anything, simply stating that perhaps airing ones dirty laundry - particularly about a dead person - in a newspaper no less, just seems bitter
by jacobtracey 11y ago
I wasn't excusing anything, simply stating that perhaps airing ones dirty laundry - particularly about a dead person - in a newspaper no less, just seems bitter.
- grayclhn 11y agoA more charitable interpretation is that she is sharing her experience because she felt like no one she spoke to had a similar experience and wants to reach out to other people in the same boat. She writes the first part ("no member’s situation was similar to mine") but the second part is speculation. If you look carefully, you'll see that it's a post on a blog that deals with end of life issues, so rest assured that it's not a newspaper and every entry probably deals with dirty laundry about dead people in some way.
- vacri 11y agoIt's comments like this that shame people talking about hard times in their life, and help perpetuate the problem. The author even leads off with how she's shamed into not talking about the problem. The article is also not the hatchet-job you're painting it as. She's not abusive towards her late husband, but talking about how the alcoholism screwed them both over. By shaming people into not talking about this, you're also preventing people from finding parallels in their own life, or finding out about support groups.
- grayclhn 11y agoDon't be too harsh, you don't know what the commenter's going through either. :)
- vacri 11y agoheh, but what if I'm going through something, too? :)
- jacobtracey 11y agoShe claims to be ashamed to admit to a periodontist that her husband died of alcohol related causes... Then proceeds to describe on a hugely trafficked website how he urinated in a basement sink every night and left her with $64,000 of credit card debt. I have no desire to shame anyone, it's written now - again I simply stated that it felt bitter to me. Having spent 15 minutes reading her blog, it seems that is a reasonable description of her current mental state.
- vacri 11y agoHuman emotion is a complex thing. Clearly she's hit a wall where she's tired of having to hide what happened, and is using an appropriate venue for discussing it - an opinion article. The article wasn't trying to shame or defame her late husband, but describe the kind of events that happened to her and how they affected her. It's very clear that you were trying to shame writing about this taboo, at least in your initial comment. You weren't 'simply stating', but were making value judgements - the writing was 'twisted', and she was trying to make herself feel better by shitting on her husband. She may well be in a poor mental state, but it's been six years since the guy died. How long do you want to keep up "don't speak ill of the dead"? By maintaining that taboo in an ongoing manner, you're preventing people from getting better by talking about the bad things they encountered with the deceased person.
- jacobtracey 11y agoPersonally I don't feel that airing someones dirty laundry on a huge website is an appropriate venue. Isn't this exactly what support groups like AlAnon and therapy aim to address in a more delicate manner?
- grayclhn 11y agoDude, that's exactly what you're doing here. But your anger towards the author is a lot more mysterious than the author's anger towards her dead husband. If you're wondering why someone would write an angry comment on the internet that you think reflects badly on her, look inward.
- Aloha 11y agoWe talk about the dead as if they were saints... "never hurt a fly, a wonderful person" and so on, why? speaking of the dead as if they had no flaws prevents the grieving process from getting underway.