OP, from your description of your relationship with math in school I think you would enjoy Lockhart's Lament (pdf warning): http://www.maa.org/devlin/LockhartsL

OP, from your description of your relationship with math in school I think you would enjoy Lockhart's Lament (pdf warning): http://www.maa.org/devlin/LockhartsLament.pdf http://www.maa.org/devlin/LockhartsLament.pdf I had a similar experience to yours and Lockhart's essay felt both inspiring and vindicating when I found it.