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What an interesting comment. Do you feel that the aspects of fatherhood that you are most jealous of are relatively lower expectations of time commitment direct

What an interesting comment. Do you feel that the aspects of fatherhood that you are most jealous of are relatively lower expectations of time commitment directly watching after the kid and encouragement of professional success? And if it’s not too prying to ask what are your ideal expectations for your partner? How important is their career? What is their ideal role in childrearing?

skeptical1884 14d ago
Thanks for the curiosity. The most attractive aspect of fatherhood is two fold: not having to be an incubator while also sharing genetic material, and being shielded from the brunt of the judgement when a ball inevitably gets dropped. The first since I am highly conscious of my physical and mental health, and I am terrified of haywire hormones and bodily changes out of my control. The second due to the societal norms put onto mothers where I am from (SoCal). When a child shows up to school in dirty clothes, the mom is blamed, not the father absent of other evidence. It is also my direct lived experience; my father provided, my mother worked while also caring for us, and bore all the responsibility and blame while my dad got to do the fun part. I heard my mother complain about her career sacrifice, of cleaning the snot off her fine blouses when I would cry into her arms. I resolved to make different choices, but in doing so, I ask what other choices could I make? If these are the two role models presented to me, why would I ever want the position of my mom?
- DiggyJohnson 11d ago
  I don’t have time to write a longer response but thanks for the detailed reply. As a modern but somewhat traditional straight dude my initial reaction is that the most solvable aspect of this jealousy - and frankly the most stereotypically female - is the concern over judgement from others. The father’s I know couldn’t care less that the other moms in their kid’s class were chattering about the fact that mom’s car broke down on the way to soccer practice, while mom is traumatized by embarrassment. They just want to make sure everyone is home safe and the car is fixed soon. The reason I’m sharing this is because it sounds like have a foot in both camps in terms of anticipated anxiety. And thankfully handling a fear of judgement and actual judgement are issues that can be addressed. I’m rambling, I hope you find the right partner regardless and I appreciate the response.

skeptical1884 14d ago

Thanks for the curiosity. The most attractive aspect of fatherhood is two fold: not having to be an incubator while also sharing genetic material, and being shielded from the brunt of the judgement when a ball inevitably gets dropped. The first since I am highly conscious of my physical and mental health, and I am terrified of haywire hormones and bodily changes out of my control. The second due to the societal norms put onto mothers where I am from (SoCal). When a child shows up to school in dirty clothes, the mom is blamed, not the father absent of other evidence. It is also my direct lived experience; my father provided, my mother worked while also caring for us, and bore all the responsibility and blame while my dad got to do the fun part. I heard my mother complain about her career sacrifice, of cleaning the snot off her fine blouses when I would cry into her arms. I resolved to make different choices, but in doing so, I ask what other choices could I make? If these are the two role models presented to me, why would I ever want the position of my mom?

DiggyJohnson 11d ago
I don’t have time to write a longer response but thanks for the detailed reply. As a modern but somewhat traditional straight dude my initial reaction is that the most solvable aspect of this jealousy - and frankly the most stereotypically female - is the concern over judgement from others. The father’s I know couldn’t care less that the other moms in their kid’s class were chattering about the fact that mom’s car broke down on the way to soccer practice, while mom is traumatized by embarrassment. They just want to make sure everyone is home safe and the car is fixed soon. The reason I’m sharing this is because it sounds like have a foot in both camps in terms of anticipated anxiety. And thankfully handling a fear of judgement and actual judgement are issues that can be addressed. I’m rambling, I hope you find the right partner regardless and I appreciate the response.