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You know what? With a little planning, anyone can get it done. You can have your cake and eat it too. I know, you're on Hacker News, you gotta ship code and s

You know what? With a little planning, anyone can get it done. You can have your cake and eat it too. I know, you're on Hacker News, you gotta ship code and sell your startups, but hear me out. Starting a family in your 40's really sucks. Fertility is waning by then, and kids are f'ing exhausting. There us so little energy left at 40. I think much of the sourness of raising kids is because so many of us start in our late 30's and 40's, and we're tired. Nature set us up to make babies in our teens and twenties and then be _done_. I say go to college, make it your mission to find your sweetheart there and then get married and have however many kids you want through your twenties. Stop at 30, vasectomy time if she's a champ at baby making. You are only on the hook for 18 years after final baby is born. That is the plan at least, obviously some kiddos need more supports than that. That is a major risk you run - but a risk that only increases with geriatric pregnancies. The vast majority of babies are healthy. Here is the beauty of this system. You're done and free at 50, they're probably out of college and starting their own family if you got going early enough. How many startup entrepreneurs only have a hit in their 50's and later? The vast majority of them. Here is how you win at life: find your niche/passion as a kid, get your skills and networking built out in your twenties, thirties and forties, and then execute your plans for businesses after the kids are out of the house. If you can do it while they're in the house, great, but don't be an absentee parent because that's dickish. Having business success is nice and purpose is what gets people out of bed in the morning. But you're going to die and you wont get to take it with you. Time is always very fleeting. Building a great family gives you purpose too - men grow up quick when the first baby comes, a chemical switch gets flipped. Starting a family creates a kind of rabid survival mode. Legacy is a treasure and family history can start with you.

SoftTalker 11d ago
> men grow up quick when the first baby comes That's what I mean, when you have kids your mindset flips to being a provider. Providing a home. Providing food. Paying the bills. You're not going to risk that with some hairbrained startup scheme. You want a steady job with good health insurance and a predictable income, not an "infinitely interesting" life. And when the kids are grown? Well these days that can take 30 years. Easy to say "they're on their own when they turn 18" but be honest, are you really going to do that with a kid who's struggling to get his own life going? And as you say, by then you're tired. Throw in a divorce, which is pretty common along the way, and well I guess things do get interesting but not in way you imagined. Having the drive and energy to launch and lead something entrepreneural in your 50s is pretty rare. I think a few people are born with that kind of drive and they have it their entire life. I used to think I did, 12 hours days at a startup was fun when I was in my 20s but working an 8 hour day now has me wiped out. I can't imagine working in a startup environment at this point in my life.
- dwoldrich 11d ago
  Life is risky and annoying, I can't deny it. But more fundamentally why were you put here? To make the bosses' numbers look good? Your private numbers? Boil it all down to intended and actual outcomes. What have we been been sold is the goal? First and foremost, we satisfy the biological needs and work our way up from there. I think that imperative has been hijacked to become "you must live the 'good life'", which in modernity equates to consumerism. Hooray for plastic and glass and lithium. I'm not saying don't create eWaste as a part of living, and there's a lot of waste to just existing in all regards. But, the longness of time is an awful thing to contemplate - our insignificance in the grand story of Long Time makes trinkets meaningless. Anyhow, starting from biological, we subsist and reproduce. Reproduction is the closest thing we'll get to immortality. If we physically can do it, we are foolish not to if we care about mattering at all in Long Time. And, we should make more babies than replacement just to account for mishaps and developmental failure. Along those lines, females are more valuable than males if you consider Long Time. Men are quite disposable historically, so keep your head on a swivel but also protect the women and girls you love if you are a man. Beyond the biological, we get all the human civilizational gravy: culture, writing, government, architecture, chemistry/medicine, physics/energy, computing/AI, etc. All that stuff must synergize with the biological or it will either be cast off or fester and then undo and destroy us. Any groups or leaders promulgating actively antagonistic social movements or technologies are either herd management fanatics or anti-human or both. Even if some of those individuals are earnest and well-meaning, if they are promoting anti-human agendas, they must be opposed. If you look at fertility rates worldwide, we're on the brink right now, and I contend that's not an accident. Everywhere you look are social campaigns against family formation, chemical pollution and toxic medical and street drugs, and crap food weakening us. We're two generations from complete collapse if you look at the birth rates and health indicators. > when you have kids your mindset flips to being a provider. I'm convinced it's brain chemistry, and it's friggin' glorious when (ok yes, if) you can come out the other side triumphant. Your body and mind remember the challenges and fear, and it's a big reward to living and overcoming that. Let me say it again differently - making kids is a key aspect of being human, you're not fully living unless you jump through that portal if you are able. > Well these days that can take 30 years. There is a long series of choices that leads to kiddos' inability to mature, assuming they are physically healthy. Mobile apps and Youtube/Reddit/Roblox have been a real retardant to child development. You can have a house policy against it for kids, and you can always allow them to pig out on the mental candy when they go to friends' houses. > Throw in a divorce, which is pretty common along the way I am ashamed to admit I didn't know how low the real divorce rate actually is[1]. It looks like it stands at 14.6 per 1000 married women become divorced per year, down from the boomer peak in 1980 at 22.6 per 1000. Them's good odds you can make it work, don't believe the "50% of marriages end in divorce" hype! I think men and women need each other because it's so rough out there, and people are generally loyal after they make a commitment. Knowing Jesus gives you a 50% bonus to staying together until one of you dies[2]. > Having the drive and energy to launch and lead something entrepreneural in your 50s is pretty rare. The numbers say 45 is the sweet spot for successful entrepreneurship[3]. I agree that lack of energy is the most concerning impediment to success, but most people are not cut out for going their own way and taking on extra risk anyhow. I'm looking forward to freedom and putting all my energy into my startup when my boys are graduated. I'm in my 50's and I feel healthy enough to do it. Finally, I know everything I'm saying above is stuff nobody ever says. I'm right and all of those other people are wrong/misguided/evil (sometimes). And, I'm ok with not having all the answers and making the wrong choices myself in my own life. [1] https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/FP-24-11.html https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/FP... [2] https://web.archive.org/web/20210624081456/https://hfh.fas.harvard.edu/religion-and-divorce https://web.archive.org/web/20210624081456/https://hfh.fas.h... [3] https://mitsloan.mit.edu/shared/ods/documents?PublicationDocumentID=6212 https://mitsloan.mit.edu/shared/ods/documents?PublicationDoc...

SoftTalker 11d ago

> men grow up quick when the first baby comes That's what I mean, when you have kids your mindset flips to being a provider. Providing a home. Providing food. Paying the bills. You're not going to risk that with some hairbrained startup scheme. You want a steady job with good health insurance and a predictable income, not an "infinitely interesting" life. And when the kids are grown? Well these days that can take 30 years. Easy to say "they're on their own when they turn 18" but be honest, are you really going to do that with a kid who's struggling to get his own life going? And as you say, by then you're tired. Throw in a divorce, which is pretty common along the way, and well I guess things do get interesting but not in way you imagined. Having the drive and energy to launch and lead something entrepreneural in your 50s is pretty rare. I think a few people are born with that kind of drive and they have it their entire life. I used to think I did, 12 hours days at a startup was fun when I was in my 20s but working an 8 hour day now has me wiped out. I can't imagine working in a startup environment at this point in my life.

dwoldrich 11d ago
Life is risky and annoying, I can't deny it. But more fundamentally why were you put here? To make the bosses' numbers look good? Your private numbers? Boil it all down to intended and actual outcomes. What have we been been sold is the goal? First and foremost, we satisfy the biological needs and work our way up from there. I think that imperative has been hijacked to become "you must live the 'good life'", which in modernity equates to consumerism. Hooray for plastic and glass and lithium. I'm not saying don't create eWaste as a part of living, and there's a lot of waste to just existing in all regards. But, the longness of time is an awful thing to contemplate - our insignificance in the grand story of Long Time makes trinkets meaningless. Anyhow, starting from biological, we subsist and reproduce. Reproduction is the closest thing we'll get to immortality. If we physically can do it, we are foolish not to if we care about mattering at all in Long Time. And, we should make more babies than replacement just to account for mishaps and developmental failure. Along those lines, females are more valuable than males if you consider Long Time. Men are quite disposable historically, so keep your head on a swivel but also protect the women and girls you love if you are a man. Beyond the biological, we get all the human civilizational gravy: culture, writing, government, architecture, chemistry/medicine, physics/energy, computing/AI, etc. All that stuff must synergize with the biological or it will either be cast off or fester and then undo and destroy us. Any groups or leaders promulgating actively antagonistic social movements or technologies are either herd management fanatics or anti-human or both. Even if some of those individuals are earnest and well-meaning, if they are promoting anti-human agendas, they must be opposed. If you look at fertility rates worldwide, we're on the brink right now, and I contend that's not an accident. Everywhere you look are social campaigns against family formation, chemical pollution and toxic medical and street drugs, and crap food weakening us. We're two generations from complete collapse if you look at the birth rates and health indicators. > when you have kids your mindset flips to being a provider. I'm convinced it's brain chemistry, and it's friggin' glorious when (ok yes, if) you can come out the other side triumphant. Your body and mind remember the challenges and fear, and it's a big reward to living and overcoming that. Let me say it again differently - making kids is a key aspect of being human, you're not fully living unless you jump through that portal if you are able. > Well these days that can take 30 years. There is a long series of choices that leads to kiddos' inability to mature, assuming they are physically healthy. Mobile apps and Youtube/Reddit/Roblox have been a real retardant to child development. You can have a house policy against it for kids, and you can always allow them to pig out on the mental candy when they go to friends' houses. > Throw in a divorce, which is pretty common along the way I am ashamed to admit I didn't know how low the real divorce rate actually is[1]. It looks like it stands at 14.6 per 1000 married women become divorced per year, down from the boomer peak in 1980 at 22.6 per 1000. Them's good odds you can make it work, don't believe the "50% of marriages end in divorce" hype! I think men and women need each other because it's so rough out there, and people are generally loyal after they make a commitment. Knowing Jesus gives you a 50% bonus to staying together until one of you dies[2]. > Having the drive and energy to launch and lead something entrepreneural in your 50s is pretty rare. The numbers say 45 is the sweet spot for successful entrepreneurship[3]. I agree that lack of energy is the most concerning impediment to success, but most people are not cut out for going their own way and taking on extra risk anyhow. I'm looking forward to freedom and putting all my energy into my startup when my boys are graduated. I'm in my 50's and I feel healthy enough to do it. Finally, I know everything I'm saying above is stuff nobody ever says. I'm right and all of those other people are wrong/misguided/evil (sometimes). And, I'm ok with not having all the answers and making the wrong choices myself in my own life. [1] https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/FP-24-11.html https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/FP... [2] https://web.archive.org/web/20210624081456/https://hfh.fas.harvard.edu/religion-and-divorce https://web.archive.org/web/20210624081456/https://hfh.fas.h... [3] https://mitsloan.mit.edu/shared/ods/documents?PublicationDocumentID=6212 https://mitsloan.mit.edu/shared/ods/documents?PublicationDoc...