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I am mid 40s. Started working at a hyper scaler a couple years ago. I think you are overthinking it. All there is, is to be present and focus on what is importa

I am mid 40s. Started working at a hyper scaler a couple years ago. I think you are overthinking it. All there is, is to be present and focus on what is important. And no one else can tell you what is important, you already know. Spend your time wisely with your family or on things that matter to you and not on trivial pursuit. There are no secrets in this. It is largely what you define. When you ask this question of others, you are asking what am I forgetting? What will I regret? They can’t tell you. They can tell you what they regretted it and maybe you will regret those same things they did. But you have to decide. In 10 years. In 20 years. All you have to do is ask your future self what you’re gonna regret that you didn’t do. I had found that we already know the answers to those things. E: think of it this way. And you don’t have to have a dog for these questions to work they’re metaphorical really, but also physical if you do have a dog. Did you walk your dog? Did you play ball with it? If they die tomorrow, will you look back and say that today was good? Did you do everything you could do with your dog? If not go do those things right now don’t leave them undone. That’s all there is. And the same thing works with everything in life. You know what you should’ve done in the day. If you do those things in 10 or 20 years, you won’t look back and say I wish I would’ve done those things cause you’ve done them.

jonahx 26d ago
> When you ask this question of others, you are asking what am I forgetting? What will I regret? They can’t tell you. In one sense yes, but in another sense... humans are just so much alike. You can a learn a ton from your elders' common mistakes. Especially the ones where there's broad agreement. You're probably not an exception. To use your dog metaphor (which I like), would you tell a dog looking for advice (if you could magically communicate with it) to just present and focus on the moment and he'll know what to do. Nah, we know a dog needs lots of walks, to be around other dogs, to eat the right foods, and so on. The two approaches aren't mutually exclusive, but the practical one is... practical.
- bitexploder 25d ago
  We do have metacognition and should use. It isn’t like we should go off the rails and become fully hedonic to “live in the moment” for example, we need some guiding principles . And when you are younger it can be really hard to know what is right. How to deal with purpose, and friends, and significant others, and all of the pain of the human condition. How do you figure it all out? You don’t have to. Not all at once, anyway. You have enough information to make the right choices every day and learn more. We will always make mistakes, but if we acted with our best knowledge and fulfilled what we thought were the best choices in a given say you won’t have to regret the mistakes. That was kind of my whole point :) And yes, always improve, and learn philosophy, and take care of your body and people around you. But at some point it all becomes obvious I think. At 46 it is all obvious for me now.
codemog 26d ago
> I am mid 40s. Started working at a hyper scaler a couple years ago. I think you are overthinking it. What does working at a hyper scaler have to do with the rest of the post? Do you want to mention your total comp or height while you’re at it?
- ShinyLeftPad 26d ago
  I mean clearly it's what matters to them and not a trivial pursuit;) To me that phrase added useful context how to treat the advice...
- bitexploder 26d ago
  I’m pretty tall. I find that mostly beneficial except for walking into things. I also don’t fit well in Miata and some convertibles and other small cars, which is a bit of a problem on occasion. I was going to add more, but I kind of forgot. My post was a bit stream of consciousness about overthinking things, which I may have over over thought. Oh well. I’m kidding sort of. I was going to say that I see a lot of overthinking all over the place at work. Complex environments often lead people to assume that a complex solution is needed. Some of the time the complexity is unavoidable. Most of the time the complexity is avoidable. Our individual lives and affairs are no different.
jaggederest 26d ago
> If you do those things in 10 or 20 years, you won’t look back and say I wish I would’ve done those things cause you’ve done them. My whole point is that you can't know that if your mind is clouded by ill health and ignorance - your predictions about what you'll regret are wrong, just as the decisions about what is important are wrong. Digging yourself out of that "what I think is important in this moment is important" mindset is a big part of it.
ryanjshaw 26d ago
There are some things you cannot easily come back from - or at all - later in life eg poor health decisions, bad finances, not having children.
- embedding-shape 26d ago
  I was expecting you to actually say stuff you couldn't come back from, but all of those are recoverable in your 30s and 40s if you're a bit more flexible. It's never too late if you want those things, quite literally.
  - imthatsteve 25d ago
    There actually is a point where you cannot have children anymore. You actually can wait too long and im not sure why everyone pretends its impossible.
    - embedding-shape 25d ago
      It is actually possible to build a family and have children in other ways than biologically birth your own. I'm not sure why people pretend like this is less like "having children" than other options out there.
  - jaggederest 25d ago
    Poor health decisions are essentially permanent. That's precisely what I was trying to say. You can certainly recover from them, and do a lot better, but it's a hell of a lot easier and less painful just to prevent them in the first place, and repair is no substitute for the original article, as people with knee replacements well know.
  - preg_match 25d ago
    I'm much younger and I already have health issues that I can't come back from. I've received a lot of chemotherapy, and I have permanent damage from that. All I can do going forward is mitigate, but the risk is still there and won't ever go away. Of course it's not my fault. But the point is: yes, your health is something you can't control 100%. There are points of no return. For most people, the common one is heart disease. Plaque buildup is irreversible. No amount of dieting, exercise, or pharmacology will reverse damage to your arteries. All you can do is prevent further damage, and yes, you will need drugs.
teiferer 25d ago
> If they die tomorrow, will you look back and say that today was good? Did you do everything you could do with your dog? If not go do those things right now don’t leave them undone Sorry, life doesn't work that way. You are essentially saying, screw long-term planning, do right here right now what's best at this moment. If everybody did that, they'd be broke latest a year from now. Thereare things that I do, quite regularly, that I wouldn't do if this was the last day of my life. But I have to assume it is not, otherwise my life would collapse and I would pretty quickly be very restricted in what I could do in my life.
- bitexploder 25d ago
  I think that you will fully misinterpreted what I wrote. Sorry maybe that is not fair. Assuming good intent. Let me expand what I was thinking: You should still do long-term planning and use that to decide how you will stay present. Nothing I wrote precludes you from doing long-term planning and incorporating that in your day-to-day living and staying present. I am not suggesting that you turn into a hedonistic animal that cannot think beyond two days into the future. I am saying that once you know what you should be doing you should be doing those things without question as they are the things you decided we’re right. That can be long-term and short-term.
  - teiferer 25d ago
    > I am saying that once you know what you should be doing you should be doing those things without question as they are the things you decided we’re right. Thanks for the clarification. Though I still don't agree. Of course you should question sometimes. Regular reflection is important to realize whether your plans are still the right course of action. Otherwise you'll never course correct.
    - bitexploder 25d ago
      I don't think we disagree. I'm just outlining a narrow aspect of how I like to operate. I meditate and spend a lot of time thinking about philosophy and neuroscience and cognition. It is a very introspective and contemplative practice. I don't ever assume that I have it all figured out, but I do always make sure that I have a plan for the day and that I just stay focused on that. And there are a lot of easier to sort things. Time with family, time with dogs, work, so on and so forth. It is not like I assume that I have figured it all out. I also get feedback from others that I trust as they understand how I work, etc. I have been meditating for over a decade, so I'm pretty good at shutting down the self-narrative and just being. It makes a lot of things more clear when all of the noise is turned off. What I do want is at the end of the day, after all of the alignment and processing, that I know what I wanted to accomplish in the day, and that I did those things, and that those were the right things to do that day. Maybe I course correct the next day, or even during the day, but I set out with a clear intention of what I want to have accomplished in the day. And that is rooted by breaking down a multi-year plan into month, week, and day blocks even. It isn't rigid. If I need to change it, I will. But plans are always worth having, even if they have to course correct, as nothing ever stays quite how you want once it reaches contact with reality.

jonahx 26d ago

> When you ask this question of others, you are asking what am I forgetting? What will I regret? They can’t tell you. In one sense yes, but in another sense... humans are just so much alike. You can a learn a ton from your elders' common mistakes. Especially the ones where there's broad agreement. You're probably not an exception. To use your dog metaphor (which I like), would you tell a dog looking for advice (if you could magically communicate with it) to just present and focus on the moment and he'll know what to do. Nah, we know a dog needs lots of walks, to be around other dogs, to eat the right foods, and so on. The two approaches aren't mutually exclusive, but the practical one is... practical.

bitexploder 25d ago
We do have metacognition and should use. It isn’t like we should go off the rails and become fully hedonic to “live in the moment” for example, we need some guiding principles . And when you are younger it can be really hard to know what is right. How to deal with purpose, and friends, and significant others, and all of the pain of the human condition. How do you figure it all out? You don’t have to. Not all at once, anyway. You have enough information to make the right choices every day and learn more. We will always make mistakes, but if we acted with our best knowledge and fulfilled what we thought were the best choices in a given say you won’t have to regret the mistakes. That was kind of my whole point :) And yes, always improve, and learn philosophy, and take care of your body and people around you. But at some point it all becomes obvious I think. At 46 it is all obvious for me now.

codemog 26d ago

> I am mid 40s. Started working at a hyper scaler a couple years ago. I think you are overthinking it. What does working at a hyper scaler have to do with the rest of the post? Do you want to mention your total comp or height while you’re at it?

ShinyLeftPad 26d ago
I mean clearly it's what matters to them and not a trivial pursuit;) To me that phrase added useful context how to treat the advice...
bitexploder 26d ago
I’m pretty tall. I find that mostly beneficial except for walking into things. I also don’t fit well in Miata and some convertibles and other small cars, which is a bit of a problem on occasion. I was going to add more, but I kind of forgot. My post was a bit stream of consciousness about overthinking things, which I may have over over thought. Oh well. I’m kidding sort of. I was going to say that I see a lot of overthinking all over the place at work. Complex environments often lead people to assume that a complex solution is needed. Some of the time the complexity is unavoidable. Most of the time the complexity is avoidable. Our individual lives and affairs are no different.

jaggederest 26d ago

> If you do those things in 10 or 20 years, you won’t look back and say I wish I would’ve done those things cause you’ve done them. My whole point is that you can't know that if your mind is clouded by ill health and ignorance - your predictions about what you'll regret are wrong, just as the decisions about what is important are wrong. Digging yourself out of that "what I think is important in this moment is important" mindset is a big part of it.

ryanjshaw 26d ago

There are some things you cannot easily come back from - or at all - later in life eg poor health decisions, bad finances, not having children.

embedding-shape 26d ago
I was expecting you to actually say stuff you couldn't come back from, but all of those are recoverable in your 30s and 40s if you're a bit more flexible. It's never too late if you want those things, quite literally.
- imthatsteve 25d ago
  There actually is a point where you cannot have children anymore. You actually can wait too long and im not sure why everyone pretends its impossible.
  - embedding-shape 25d ago
    It is actually possible to build a family and have children in other ways than biologically birth your own. I'm not sure why people pretend like this is less like "having children" than other options out there.
- jaggederest 25d ago
  Poor health decisions are essentially permanent. That's precisely what I was trying to say. You can certainly recover from them, and do a lot better, but it's a hell of a lot easier and less painful just to prevent them in the first place, and repair is no substitute for the original article, as people with knee replacements well know.
- preg_match 25d ago
  I'm much younger and I already have health issues that I can't come back from. I've received a lot of chemotherapy, and I have permanent damage from that. All I can do going forward is mitigate, but the risk is still there and won't ever go away. Of course it's not my fault. But the point is: yes, your health is something you can't control 100%. There are points of no return. For most people, the common one is heart disease. Plaque buildup is irreversible. No amount of dieting, exercise, or pharmacology will reverse damage to your arteries. All you can do is prevent further damage, and yes, you will need drugs.

teiferer 25d ago

> If they die tomorrow, will you look back and say that today was good? Did you do everything you could do with your dog? If not go do those things right now don’t leave them undone Sorry, life doesn't work that way. You are essentially saying, screw long-term planning, do right here right now what's best at this moment. If everybody did that, they'd be broke latest a year from now. Thereare things that I do, quite regularly, that I wouldn't do if this was the last day of my life. But I have to assume it is not, otherwise my life would collapse and I would pretty quickly be very restricted in what I could do in my life.

bitexploder 25d ago
I think that you will fully misinterpreted what I wrote. Sorry maybe that is not fair. Assuming good intent. Let me expand what I was thinking: You should still do long-term planning and use that to decide how you will stay present. Nothing I wrote precludes you from doing long-term planning and incorporating that in your day-to-day living and staying present. I am not suggesting that you turn into a hedonistic animal that cannot think beyond two days into the future. I am saying that once you know what you should be doing you should be doing those things without question as they are the things you decided we’re right. That can be long-term and short-term.
- teiferer 25d ago
  > I am saying that once you know what you should be doing you should be doing those things without question as they are the things you decided we’re right. Thanks for the clarification. Though I still don't agree. Of course you should question sometimes. Regular reflection is important to realize whether your plans are still the right course of action. Otherwise you'll never course correct.
  - bitexploder 25d ago
    I don't think we disagree. I'm just outlining a narrow aspect of how I like to operate. I meditate and spend a lot of time thinking about philosophy and neuroscience and cognition. It is a very introspective and contemplative practice. I don't ever assume that I have it all figured out, but I do always make sure that I have a plan for the day and that I just stay focused on that. And there are a lot of easier to sort things. Time with family, time with dogs, work, so on and so forth. It is not like I assume that I have figured it all out. I also get feedback from others that I trust as they understand how I work, etc. I have been meditating for over a decade, so I'm pretty good at shutting down the self-narrative and just being. It makes a lot of things more clear when all of the noise is turned off. What I do want is at the end of the day, after all of the alignment and processing, that I know what I wanted to accomplish in the day, and that I did those things, and that those were the right things to do that day. Maybe I course correct the next day, or even during the day, but I set out with a clear intention of what I want to have accomplished in the day. And that is rooted by breaking down a multi-year plan into month, week, and day blocks even. It isn't rigid. If I need to change it, I will. But plans are always worth having, even if they have to course correct, as nothing ever stays quite how you want once it reaches contact with reality.