6 ms·

"Behind every great man there's a great woman." I thought I was killing it at work and as a dad when I was answering emails about complex bugs while hiking with

by qooiii2 1mo ago

"Behind every great man there's a great woman." I thought I was killing it at work and as a dad when I was answering emails about complex bugs while hiking with my first kid riding in a backpack. But then I quit working to be a full-time dad for kid #2 and found out how much work my partner had been doing that I didn't know about. I suddenly understood why so many of the men at my former workplace had been divorced. So be ambitious, but check in with your partner and make sure they are on the same page.

nichochar 1mo ago
(original author) this is true for me, wouldn't be remotely possible without my wife.
phillipcarter 1mo ago
This quote certainly comes to mind: Housework is not situated outside of economic production. It is simply non-salaried and paid through the husband’s salary.
- kakacik 1mo ago
  Thats why, when divorcing in Switzerland, retirement savings are bundled and then split equally between two. So if woman was a stay-at-home mum, she still gets good savings. If both brought cca same income, not much changes.
  - superxpro12 1mo ago
    i would LOVE to get that in front of some conservative southern congressmen in america if only to watch them self immolate from the rage
    - cma256 1mo ago
      Are you American? The US has community and equitable distribution schemes. 50% of all assets is the default under both schemes with alimony regularly awarded to women to make up for lack of income. Changing divorce laws to be less equitable, as far as I know, has never been a major platform of either party in the South. I'm not aware of any politician that advocates for it. I'm sure it exists but it must be an incredibly marginal view.
  - __turbobrew__ 1mo ago
    Same in Canada. All assets acquired after common law or marriage are shared and split evenly in the divorce. Whoever makes more salary needs to pay alimony to the other.
tropdrop 1mo ago
I identified with this article despite being a new mom rather than dad. I was minted in the ambition track and have alighted on work I find meaningful. I still wake up with a burning fire in my stomach for my work. This was dulled somewhat the first few months postpartum; it wasn't entirely gone, but it felt like a different person had taken over the reins, one who only cared about the baby and nothing else. Now the fire is back. I do not know how to navigate this at all. As the author of the linked article searches for good father figures in vain, so do I. The search feels even more difficult. Everywhere I am met with young mothers who confess that whatever meaning they felt from their work feels like a distant shadow of what they feel with their child, and that they are only too happy to stay home. The other direction includes women who are militantly childfree, or who offload an unacceptable level of hours onto hired labor. I wholly agree with the author's main thrust: for some people, the ambition is still there and unhelpfully competes with the ambition to be a perfect parent. When the expectation for mothers is as high as it is, the situation feels impossible; it feels as if you're doomed to either traumatize your children or renege whatever great potential you were told you had all your life.

by qooiii2 1mo ago

nichochar 1mo ago

(original author) this is true for me, wouldn't be remotely possible without my wife.

phillipcarter 1mo ago

This quote certainly comes to mind: Housework is not situated outside of economic production. It is simply non-salaried and paid through the husband’s salary.

kakacik 1mo ago
Thats why, when divorcing in Switzerland, retirement savings are bundled and then split equally between two. So if woman was a stay-at-home mum, she still gets good savings. If both brought cca same income, not much changes.
- superxpro12 1mo ago
  i would LOVE to get that in front of some conservative southern congressmen in america if only to watch them self immolate from the rage
  - cma256 1mo ago
    Are you American? The US has community and equitable distribution schemes. 50% of all assets is the default under both schemes with alimony regularly awarded to women to make up for lack of income. Changing divorce laws to be less equitable, as far as I know, has never been a major platform of either party in the South. I'm not aware of any politician that advocates for it. I'm sure it exists but it must be an incredibly marginal view.
- __turbobrew__ 1mo ago
  Same in Canada. All assets acquired after common law or marriage are shared and split evenly in the divorce. Whoever makes more salary needs to pay alimony to the other.

tropdrop 1mo ago

I identified with this article despite being a new mom rather than dad. I was minted in the ambition track and have alighted on work I find meaningful. I still wake up with a burning fire in my stomach for my work. This was dulled somewhat the first few months postpartum; it wasn't entirely gone, but it felt like a different person had taken over the reins, one who only cared about the baby and nothing else. Now the fire is back. I do not know how to navigate this at all. As the author of the linked article searches for good father figures in vain, so do I. The search feels even more difficult. Everywhere I am met with young mothers who confess that whatever meaning they felt from their work feels like a distant shadow of what they feel with their child, and that they are only too happy to stay home. The other direction includes women who are militantly childfree, or who offload an unacceptable level of hours onto hired labor. I wholly agree with the author's main thrust: for some people, the ambition is still there and unhelpfully competes with the ambition to be a perfect parent. When the expectation for mothers is as high as it is, the situation feels impossible; it feels as if you're doomed to either traumatize your children or renege whatever great potential you were told you had all your life.