The "14 Corporate Flavors" had me rolling. This seems less like encouragement than the stick though. I wonder if you took the same principles and rewrote it to

The "14 Corporate Flavors" had me rolling. This seems less like encouragement than the stick though. I wonder if you took the same principles and rewrote it to be more compassionate instead (maybe lines encouraging it to meditate a bit or something, I don't know) you'd get much better results.