6 ms·

I would describe myself as an introvert, but one thing I absolutely nailed was my marriage. I married someone who fits with me so well. We've been married for

by johsole 2mo ago

I would describe myself as an introvert, but one thing I absolutely nailed was my marriage. I married someone who fits with me so well. We've been married for almost 14 years, we have 3 kids, and lots of responsibilities, but we still have lots of fun hanging out with each other and we make time to do that. Some of our most fun dates are still just going on walks and having a meal together. I think if you've got a marriage like that, you've won. If you can layer on a few friendships, than you have plenty, and if you can layer on a community like a Church then you have abundance. If you don't know where to start, a Church is a great place to start.

bluefirebrand 2mo ago
I've come around to the idea of Church as a community building utility, third space sort of thing, but the religious aspect does not appeal to me at all so that's not an option to me. I'm not going to go surround myself with people that I disagree with on such a fundamental philosophical level and call that my community As community organizations I think Churches seem at least somewhat decent. If only we could keep the community stuff without the religious stuff. I dunno. I think we need (free / community funded) third spaces to make a big comeback. Where do people even go to meet anyone now? I have a counselor suggesting I go try out tech conferences and meetups, but those have always felt like career building activities to me, not social activities. It's not the same at all.
- onlypassingthru 2mo ago
  >I think we need (free / community funded) third spaces to make a big comeback. Where do people even go to meet anyone now? Ireland and Australia seem to have something going with the Men's Sheds. https://menssheds.ie/ https://menssheds.ie/ https://mensshed.org/ https://mensshed.org/
  - bluefirebrand 2mo ago
    Huh. I wonder if I'd have any luck getting something like this going near me I'll look into it, maybe someone else is already trying
mathgeek 2mo ago
> If you don't know where to start, a Church is a great place to start. Please only do this if you believe (or are willing to explore or at least quickly reject and leave) what the church is teaching.
- go_elmo 2mo ago
  Buddhism is agnostic and non dogmatic in its foundation, pretty clean overall
- deleted 2mo ago
  [deleted]
- sellmesoap 2mo ago
  Certainly don't fall in with a crowd who you don't align with, but I find many church environments are happy to welcome anyone who's there for a visit. I have an elderly friend who globe trots on a budget and "just goes for the singing" I don't see anything wrong with that.
  - mathgeek 2mo ago
    That's fair. My point was if you're trying to utilize a church for finding dates/marriage, you shouldn't go into it thinking you or they will change later despite not "having faith" now.
pull_my_finger 2mo ago
While I personally agree with you, there are plenty of "churches" with a focus that seems to be almost or more focused on networking than prayer and worship. Not recommending it, especially not over a real church (if there's an ideology that vibes with you), but they are a thing. I feel like I can't put enough disclaimers on this though: actively searching for a community/identity/place to fit-in is a pretty vulnerable place to be and there are organizations (e.g. cults) that actively take advantage of that. [moved from child comment]
tweetle_beetle 2mo ago
A church in that sense is basically just a (social) club. There are many, many other options for social clubs that don't come with the religious baggage.

by johsole 2mo ago

bluefirebrand 2mo ago

I've come around to the idea of Church as a community building utility, third space sort of thing, but the religious aspect does not appeal to me at all so that's not an option to me. I'm not going to go surround myself with people that I disagree with on such a fundamental philosophical level and call that my community As community organizations I think Churches seem at least somewhat decent. If only we could keep the community stuff without the religious stuff. I dunno. I think we need (free / community funded) third spaces to make a big comeback. Where do people even go to meet anyone now? I have a counselor suggesting I go try out tech conferences and meetups, but those have always felt like career building activities to me, not social activities. It's not the same at all.

onlypassingthru 2mo ago
>I think we need (free / community funded) third spaces to make a big comeback. Where do people even go to meet anyone now? Ireland and Australia seem to have something going with the Men's Sheds. https://menssheds.ie/ https://menssheds.ie/ https://mensshed.org/ https://mensshed.org/
- bluefirebrand 2mo ago
  Huh. I wonder if I'd have any luck getting something like this going near me I'll look into it, maybe someone else is already trying

mathgeek 2mo ago

> If you don't know where to start, a Church is a great place to start. Please only do this if you believe (or are willing to explore or at least quickly reject and leave) what the church is teaching.

go_elmo 2mo ago
Buddhism is agnostic and non dogmatic in its foundation, pretty clean overall
deleted 2mo ago
[deleted]
sellmesoap 2mo ago
Certainly don't fall in with a crowd who you don't align with, but I find many church environments are happy to welcome anyone who's there for a visit. I have an elderly friend who globe trots on a budget and "just goes for the singing" I don't see anything wrong with that.
- mathgeek 2mo ago
  That's fair. My point was if you're trying to utilize a church for finding dates/marriage, you shouldn't go into it thinking you or they will change later despite not "having faith" now.

pull_my_finger 2mo ago

While I personally agree with you, there are plenty of "churches" with a focus that seems to be almost or more focused on networking than prayer and worship. Not recommending it, especially not over a real church (if there's an ideology that vibes with you), but they are a thing. I feel like I can't put enough disclaimers on this though: actively searching for a community/identity/place to fit-in is a pretty vulnerable place to be and there are organizations (e.g. cults) that actively take advantage of that. [moved from child comment]

tweetle_beetle 2mo ago

A church in that sense is basically just a (social) club. There are many, many other options for social clubs that don't come with the religious baggage.