8 ms·

I just pretend I haven't noticed they have earbuds in and start talking to them. Virtually everyone seems happy to have an interaction, I get the feeling people

by norome 3mo ago

I just pretend I haven't noticed they have earbuds in and start talking to them. Virtually everyone seems happy to have an interaction, I get the feeling people are a bit starved for random friendly contact.

steve1977 3mo ago
I would get very irritated by such behavior. One reason I wear earbuds is to signal that I don't want to get talked to.
- GJim 3mo ago
  Have you tried simply telling people you don't want to talk? "Sorry mate, I'm reading" is hardly difficult.
  - steve1977 3mo ago
    Why would you initiate talk with me in the first place, when we're in a situation where I have not explicitly chosen contact with you? (say on a train) Also reading something would be a clear signal (also to me) that a person doesn't want to get disturbed. When I have to tell you that I don't want to talk, you have already disturbed me. So, taking the cues here clearly is on you, not on me, at least in my opinion. Edit: To clarify a bit, I'm talking about places with involuntary social contact, like for example a train or a grocery store. I go on a train because I have to get somewhere, not because I want to interact with people. It would be a different scenario say in a bar.
    - poncho_romero 3mo ago
      If you are in a public space, I think it's totally fair game to initiate talk. It's also totally fair game to signal that you aren't interested.
  - wolvoleo 3mo ago
    If you're reading it's kinda obvious, and it's pretty annoying to be interrupted.
    - norome 3mo ago
      actually i can say that most people with a book and no headphones are the most ready to have a chat about what they're reading and beyond.
  - techdmn 3mo ago
    This is actually very difficult for a significant number of people. Some people really struggle with saying "no" or enforcing boundaries, some people are very wary of negative interactions with strangers. If you are relying on people to explicitly push back on you, rather than reading more subtle queues, you are quite likely adding stress to someone's day.
    - poncho_romero 3mo ago
      I think most will pick up on subtle cues. That said, there is nothing wrong with being direct. And for those people who struggle with saying no, well, practice makes perfect.
    - norome 3mo ago
      I choose to embody the society i would rather live in, instead of following along with the friendlessness and disconnection that results from our deteriorated social sphere. Most people are delighted to have a little contact.
  - dpkirchner 3mo ago
    A dozen times a day, every day? No thanks.
- norome 3mo ago
  It's actually funny if you talk to a lot of people, to see that so many are really excited to have a real, random little chat or comment. Even funnier is seeing the people who have forgotten the small pleasures of living among others.
kdheiwns 3mo ago
I don't wear AirPods/headphones of any sort in public but I don't like talking to strangers while out and about and get very uncomfortable since it's almost always someone trying to get something from me. But every time someone does randomly talk to me, I smile and laugh and I'm very cordial. Because people who approach strangers generally get quite angry when they're outright shot down. That doesn't at all mean I'm happy to talk. A smile is often just a defensive response.
- ChoGGi 3mo ago
  Just trying to spread a little cheer and human connection, getting angry is the last thing I'd do.
  - poncho_romero 3mo ago
    Amen!
- norome 3mo ago
  I think HN probably oversamples for people who like to be left alone, which I get. When I talk to strangers it's pretty easy to detect who would be open based on their clothing choices and body language.
rimliu 3mo ago
So you are bad at reading signs. And that "seems happy" may be just "are too polite to punch you".
- norome 3mo ago
  when people don't want to talk, they keep one earbud in and the other ready to pop back in. then you say adios and move on. If someone punched me for a friendly comment It's clear who has the problem.
jnovek 3mo ago
> Virtually everyone seems happy to have an interaction If a stranger bothers me while I have my headphones on I may act friendly and polite, but I am actually very irritated.
- norome 3mo ago
  It's actually funny if you talk to a lot of people, to see that so many are really excited to have a real, random little chat or comment. Even funnier is seeing the rare people who have completely forgotten the small pleasures of living among others.

by norome 3mo ago

steve1977 3mo ago

I would get very irritated by such behavior. One reason I wear earbuds is to signal that I don't want to get talked to.

GJim 3mo ago
Have you tried simply telling people you don't want to talk? "Sorry mate, I'm reading" is hardly difficult.
- steve1977 3mo ago
  Why would you initiate talk with me in the first place, when we're in a situation where I have not explicitly chosen contact with you? (say on a train) Also reading something would be a clear signal (also to me) that a person doesn't want to get disturbed. When I have to tell you that I don't want to talk, you have already disturbed me. So, taking the cues here clearly is on you, not on me, at least in my opinion. Edit: To clarify a bit, I'm talking about places with involuntary social contact, like for example a train or a grocery store. I go on a train because I have to get somewhere, not because I want to interact with people. It would be a different scenario say in a bar.
  - poncho_romero 3mo ago
    If you are in a public space, I think it's totally fair game to initiate talk. It's also totally fair game to signal that you aren't interested.
- wolvoleo 3mo ago
  If you're reading it's kinda obvious, and it's pretty annoying to be interrupted.
  - norome 3mo ago
    actually i can say that most people with a book and no headphones are the most ready to have a chat about what they're reading and beyond.
- techdmn 3mo ago
  This is actually very difficult for a significant number of people. Some people really struggle with saying "no" or enforcing boundaries, some people are very wary of negative interactions with strangers. If you are relying on people to explicitly push back on you, rather than reading more subtle queues, you are quite likely adding stress to someone's day.
  - poncho_romero 3mo ago
    I think most will pick up on subtle cues. That said, there is nothing wrong with being direct. And for those people who struggle with saying no, well, practice makes perfect.
  - norome 3mo ago
    I choose to embody the society i would rather live in, instead of following along with the friendlessness and disconnection that results from our deteriorated social sphere. Most people are delighted to have a little contact.
- dpkirchner 3mo ago
  A dozen times a day, every day? No thanks.
norome 3mo ago
It's actually funny if you talk to a lot of people, to see that so many are really excited to have a real, random little chat or comment. Even funnier is seeing the people who have forgotten the small pleasures of living among others.

kdheiwns 3mo ago

I don't wear AirPods/headphones of any sort in public but I don't like talking to strangers while out and about and get very uncomfortable since it's almost always someone trying to get something from me. But every time someone does randomly talk to me, I smile and laugh and I'm very cordial. Because people who approach strangers generally get quite angry when they're outright shot down. That doesn't at all mean I'm happy to talk. A smile is often just a defensive response.

ChoGGi 3mo ago
Just trying to spread a little cheer and human connection, getting angry is the last thing I'd do.
- poncho_romero 3mo ago
  Amen!
norome 3mo ago
I think HN probably oversamples for people who like to be left alone, which I get. When I talk to strangers it's pretty easy to detect who would be open based on their clothing choices and body language.

rimliu 3mo ago

So you are bad at reading signs. And that "seems happy" may be just "are too polite to punch you".

norome 3mo ago
when people don't want to talk, they keep one earbud in and the other ready to pop back in. then you say adios and move on. If someone punched me for a friendly comment It's clear who has the problem.

jnovek 3mo ago

> Virtually everyone seems happy to have an interaction If a stranger bothers me while I have my headphones on I may act friendly and polite, but I am actually very irritated.

norome 3mo ago
It's actually funny if you talk to a lot of people, to see that so many are really excited to have a real, random little chat or comment. Even funnier is seeing the rare people who have completely forgotten the small pleasures of living among others.