8 ms·

How is it an indication? I think people on here don't realize that most of the people don't think things through as much as (software) engineers

hnfong 6mo ago
In my local(?) community (like in my city, not my industry) there is a saying "if you had to ask for relationship advice, then you probably should break up". There is some rationale to that. People tend to hold onto relationships that don't lead anywhere in fear of "losing" what they "already have". It's probably a comfort zone thing. So if one is desperate enough to ask random strangers online about a relationship, it's usually biased towards some unresolvable issue that would have the parties better of if they break up.
- magicalhippo 6mo ago
  > So if one is desperate enough to ask random strangers online about a relationship I'd me more inclined to ask random strangers on the internet than close friends... That said, when me and my SO had a difficult time we went to a professional. For us it helped a lot. Though as the counselor said, we were one of the few couples which came early enough. Usually she saw couples well past the point of no return. So yeah, if you don't ask in time, you will probably be breaking up anyway.
  - hnfong 6mo ago
    I would speculate that, if a couple goes to a professional for help, they have much better chances than asking on a random forum online...
- otabdeveloper4 6mo ago
  > relationships that don't lead anywhere Relationships are not transactions that are supposed to "lead somewhere".
  - ambicapter 6mo ago
    You’re being a bit pedantic here “leading somewhere” is accepted shorthand for a lasting, satisfying relationship that is good for both parties.
    - otabdeveloper4 6mo ago
      Relationships aren't transactional. This isn't a business deal.
  - SpicyLemonZest 6mo ago
    Most people engage in romantic relationships because they'd like to find someone to marry and settle down with. Nothing but respect for the people who've thought it through and decided that's not for them, but what's much more common is failing to think it through or worrying it would be awkward/scary/"cringe" to take their relationship goals seriously. That's what people are pointing to when they talk about relationships not "leading anywhere". If you want to be married in 5-10 years, and you're 2 years into an OK relationship with someone you don't want to marry, it's going to suck to break up with them but you have to do it anyway.
rusty_venture 6mo ago
Wait, other people don’t make decision trees and mind maps and pro/con lists and consult chatbots before making decisions? Are they just flying through life by the seat of their pants? That doesn’t seem like a very solid framework for achieving desired outcomes.
- nprateem 6mo ago
  I heard about someone once who could decide whether to buy a new t-shirt in less than 3 months.
falcor84 6mo ago
Maybe I'm too much of a hopeless romantic, but from my perspective and experience, when someone is good for you, you'll fight for that relationship regardless of what others say, and conversely when you're in a situation where your actively asking and willing to consider "leave" from someone who isn't a very close friend or a therapist as applicable, then it's likely you're looking for external validation for what you've already essentially decided.

hnfong 6mo ago

In my local(?) community (like in my city, not my industry) there is a saying "if you had to ask for relationship advice, then you probably should break up". There is some rationale to that. People tend to hold onto relationships that don't lead anywhere in fear of "losing" what they "already have". It's probably a comfort zone thing. So if one is desperate enough to ask random strangers online about a relationship, it's usually biased towards some unresolvable issue that would have the parties better of if they break up.

magicalhippo 6mo ago
> So if one is desperate enough to ask random strangers online about a relationship I'd me more inclined to ask random strangers on the internet than close friends... That said, when me and my SO had a difficult time we went to a professional. For us it helped a lot. Though as the counselor said, we were one of the few couples which came early enough. Usually she saw couples well past the point of no return. So yeah, if you don't ask in time, you will probably be breaking up anyway.
- hnfong 6mo ago
  I would speculate that, if a couple goes to a professional for help, they have much better chances than asking on a random forum online...
otabdeveloper4 6mo ago
> relationships that don't lead anywhere Relationships are not transactions that are supposed to "lead somewhere".
- ambicapter 6mo ago
  You’re being a bit pedantic here “leading somewhere” is accepted shorthand for a lasting, satisfying relationship that is good for both parties.
  - otabdeveloper4 6mo ago
    Relationships aren't transactional. This isn't a business deal.
- SpicyLemonZest 6mo ago
  Most people engage in romantic relationships because they'd like to find someone to marry and settle down with. Nothing but respect for the people who've thought it through and decided that's not for them, but what's much more common is failing to think it through or worrying it would be awkward/scary/"cringe" to take their relationship goals seriously. That's what people are pointing to when they talk about relationships not "leading anywhere". If you want to be married in 5-10 years, and you're 2 years into an OK relationship with someone you don't want to marry, it's going to suck to break up with them but you have to do it anyway.

rusty_venture 6mo ago

Wait, other people don’t make decision trees and mind maps and pro/con lists and consult chatbots before making decisions? Are they just flying through life by the seat of their pants? That doesn’t seem like a very solid framework for achieving desired outcomes.

nprateem 6mo ago
I heard about someone once who could decide whether to buy a new t-shirt in less than 3 months.

falcor84 6mo ago

Maybe I'm too much of a hopeless romantic, but from my perspective and experience, when someone is good for you, you'll fight for that relationship regardless of what others say, and conversely when you're in a situation where your actively asking and willing to consider "leave" from someone who isn't a very close friend or a therapist as applicable, then it's likely you're looking for external validation for what you've already essentially decided.