8 ms·
You don’t always get to choose the restaurant. Sometimes your friends drag you places. Sometimes your sister in law wants to go take a photo of the Castro Theat
by zjp 6mo ago
You don’t always get to choose the restaurant. Sometimes your friends drag you places. Sometimes your sister in law wants to go take a photo of the Castro Theater and then get a cookie, and you find yourself in Hot Cookie calling a chocolate chip a Basic Bitch. I just think that these kinds of "perfect agency" gotchas ignore the tradeoffs of living an actual life.
- jrflowers 6mo agoWhat is the tradeoff in the scenario you described? You were enjoying time with your sister in law, you called a cookie a bitch, and then…? You weren’t having fun with your sister in law after that?
- lelanthran 6mo agoWell, many would have done it the other way - had fun with the cookie and called the SIL a bitch :-)
- zjp 6mo agoI think the cost of having to say something humiliating is at least equal to the cost of the cookie, so I want it for free. Of course I had fun with my sister in law, even if I rolled my eyes at the business. That's beside the point. Making you say this stuff is a tiny, petty act of domination. Say it or you don't get the cookie, or you look unfun. Anyway, it's the same argument people have been having forever about not wanting to say 'grande' at Starbucks. A war we won. And we will win this one.
- chillfox 6mo agopointing at the menu and saying "that one" works just fine.
- jrflowers 6mo agoDo your friends and family know that calling a cookie a bitch is humiliating to you? That’s a pretty strong feeling, so I would be pretty mad if I communicated that and people close to me still dragged me to those places anyway. I wouldn’t be mad at the business, though, I’d be mad at the people that are knowingly disrespecting my boundaries.
- trick-or-treat 6mo agoWhen strangers do that it's disrespecting boundaries. When family does it it's giving you a hard time / teasing.
- jrflowers 6mo agoWhen a stranger drags you to a place that you don’t want to go that is kidnapping.
- trick-or-treat 6mo agoNot if you consent to it first. But you should probably agree on a safe word.
- zjp 6mo ago[flagged]
- jrflowers 6mo agoI don’t think that I’m going to read a Claude summary of this very short conversation that I’m currently having, but if you asked a chat bot to write some text about how the act of calling a cookie a bitch is a humiliating display of subjugation, I am sure that it did that. Anyway I’ll just say that if you haven’t explained to your friends and family that calling a cookie a bitch is humiliating for you, you should do that. If you have done that, you should do it again. Hoping that all of the Eggsluts and Hooters etc. go out of business is a terrible strategy, especially in the latter case because in that scenario all of those places could close tomorrow and you’d still be surrounded by people that will find one way or another to make you call a cookie a bitch.
- zjp 6mo ago[flagged]
- 6mo ago
- jowsie 6mo agoWhat makes it humiliating? To me, it's just words, a little childish but still. I'm a Brit though, and I feel we have a much more lax attitude to swearing over here.
- autoexec 6mo ago> I think the cost of having to say something humiliating is at least equal to the cost of the cookie, How is 'bitch' any worse than ordering a Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity? Is anyone really focing you? Point and grunt if it makes you feel better. Odds are good that the wage slave taking your order doesn't care what you call it. Whatever indignity you feel you're suffering in the ordering process is nothing compared to what the employees have to endure.
- zjp 6mo agoThey’re exactly as cringy as each other actually, but your self-righteous point is well taken. Sure, agreed. I have class consciousness now. I am awakened. As if I would ever make this some random cashier’s problem.
- mlrtime 6mo ago>Sometimes your friends drag you places. Sounds like a website is not your biggest problem then. Pick better friends or stop complaining, you sound like a whiner.
- achenet 6mo agowith all due respect - just because your friends occasionally want to go someplace with questionable names doesn't mean they aren't good friends. I'm not going to ditch the friends who let me sleep on their couch for weeks at a time during periods when I was homeless and jobless just because they occasionally want me to accompany them to a stupid restaurant.
- zjp 6mo agoI don’t really think that’s a proportionate solution to a minor annoyance. So far the advice I’ve gotten has been: - restructure my relationships - say something psychotic like “let’s go to a different neighborhood so I don’t have to say two words for dessert” But you are all misreading this as a cry for help or advice. It is a bit. I even say the goddamn fucking words! I just think they’re cringey and I was commenting on my distaste for that feeling. I don’t have a cellarful of champagne either. I have bad news about the Easter bunny. “You sound like a whiner”. Get a sense of humor maybe? Or failing that at least display the self composure and grace I so lack and pound sand.