7 ms·

For me the point is that if you feel uncomfortable over something that is widespread and considered normal social etiquette, it's on you to deal with feeling un

by jbstack 7mo ago

For me the point is that if you feel uncomfortable over something that is widespread and considered normal social etiquette, it's on you to deal with feeling uncomfortable, and you can't really expect everyone else to change their behaviour just for you.

some_furry 7mo ago
> For me the point is that if you feel uncomfortable over something that is widespread and considered normal social etiquette, it's on you to deal with feeling uncomfortable, and you can't really expect everyone else to change their behaviour just for you. Ah, the classic "fuck the neurodivergent" stance.
- jbstack 7mo ago
  You're taking my comment out of context. This isn't about neurodivergents, it's about someone who thinks everyone should conform to his highly detailed rules (the article isn't only about not apologising - he has other demands on structure, content, and even plaintext vs html) when sending him emails.
- quesera 7mo ago
  Please describe the alternative stance, and how it scales to societies and casual acquaintences.
- tsimionescu 7mo ago
  I think the poster above may have accidentally worded their response a little too personally, but their point is valid and not against neurodivergent people (or, at least, there is a version that is close to their argument that is so). It's perfectly fine to ask people to change be careful in their correspondence to a specific person to avoid certain issues. It's not fine, however, even for neuro divergent people, to expect social norms to change for everyone to match their particular preferences. If we read the original article as representing a request from the author to specifically not answer emails to them by apologizing for replying late, that's a perfectly fine request that anyone corresponding with them should follow (once they become aware of it). If we read it as a general recommendation to everyone to change this clear social norm, then it's not fine, the justification given (one person finds this puts some kind of pressure on them, and others might too) is not strong enough to warrant everyone else changing their behavior pre-emptively.
- tw85 7mo ago
  [flagged]
- carlosjobim 7mo ago
  He can just stop using e-mail if he has such disturbances. This is like somebody freaking out because their neighbour said hello. Or a bird chirped in a tree, or whatever triggers hackers to loose their mind nowadays. Maybe some branches moved in the wind.
happytoexplain 7mo ago
There is no set of "normal" things that a large majority of people all share. You can do things you consider normal without being a defensive asshole about it when it negatively affects somebody else (and vice versa, but I'm responding to you, not the OP).
- otterley 7mo ago
  Culture (and the norms that emanate from it) are a thing that exists. They may be localized to certain communities, but they’re not something you can deny the existence of.
- jbstack 7mo ago
  Replace normal with common, and my original comment stands. In many cultures people often casually say "how is it going?" when they don't mean it literally and they are just expecting a token "good, you?" in response. Some people might view it as unnecessary and insincere, but they don't generally go around lecturing others and telling them not to do it. When you're faced with a harmless cultural behaviour like this, the polite thing to do is just accept it and move on with your life.

by jbstack 7mo ago

some_furry 7mo ago

> For me the point is that if you feel uncomfortable over something that is widespread and considered normal social etiquette, it's on you to deal with feeling uncomfortable, and you can't really expect everyone else to change their behaviour just for you. Ah, the classic "fuck the neurodivergent" stance.

jbstack 7mo ago
You're taking my comment out of context. This isn't about neurodivergents, it's about someone who thinks everyone should conform to his highly detailed rules (the article isn't only about not apologising - he has other demands on structure, content, and even plaintext vs html) when sending him emails.
quesera 7mo ago
Please describe the alternative stance, and how it scales to societies and casual acquaintences.
tsimionescu 7mo ago
I think the poster above may have accidentally worded their response a little too personally, but their point is valid and not against neurodivergent people (or, at least, there is a version that is close to their argument that is so). It's perfectly fine to ask people to change be careful in their correspondence to a specific person to avoid certain issues. It's not fine, however, even for neuro divergent people, to expect social norms to change for everyone to match their particular preferences. If we read the original article as representing a request from the author to specifically not answer emails to them by apologizing for replying late, that's a perfectly fine request that anyone corresponding with them should follow (once they become aware of it). If we read it as a general recommendation to everyone to change this clear social norm, then it's not fine, the justification given (one person finds this puts some kind of pressure on them, and others might too) is not strong enough to warrant everyone else changing their behavior pre-emptively.
tw85 7mo ago
[flagged]
carlosjobim 7mo ago
He can just stop using e-mail if he has such disturbances. This is like somebody freaking out because their neighbour said hello. Or a bird chirped in a tree, or whatever triggers hackers to loose their mind nowadays. Maybe some branches moved in the wind.

happytoexplain 7mo ago

There is no set of "normal" things that a large majority of people all share. You can do things you consider normal without being a defensive asshole about it when it negatively affects somebody else (and vice versa, but I'm responding to you, not the OP).

otterley 7mo ago
Culture (and the norms that emanate from it) are a thing that exists. They may be localized to certain communities, but they’re not something you can deny the existence of.
jbstack 7mo ago
Replace normal with common, and my original comment stands. In many cultures people often casually say "how is it going?" when they don't mean it literally and they are just expecting a token "good, you?" in response. Some people might view it as unnecessary and insincere, but they don't generally go around lecturing others and telling them not to do it. When you're faced with a harmless cultural behaviour like this, the polite thing to do is just accept it and move on with your life.