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Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

blinded 1y ago
Part of the issue is that the wedding market it just outrageous. The average cost of a wedding or attending one is out of control. The industry has done a good job marketing it. Social media "keeping up with the joneses" or comparisons is not helping either. It adds yet another piece of pressure so I'm not surprised that less people are jumping head first into it.
- floxy 1y ago
  >cost of... ...attending one is out of control What costs are associated with attending a wedding?
  - b3ing 1y ago
    Suits, dresses, flights, unless you plan to attend in basketball shorts and drive multiple states over (depending where people are located)
    - blinded 1y ago
      This is what I met. That and using PTO, dog sitting, a modest gift / card etc. It adds up.
  - trymas 1y ago
    If we’re talking “classic” wedding (venue, hotels, catering, bachelorette/bachelor parties, etc)… What other commenter said, plus covering bachelorette/bachelor parties (groom and bride don’t pay). Wedding gifts. Where I am from and you’re being accommodated- it’s kind of expected (and part of etiquette) to include cash with your gift to try to cover hotel and dining costs for yourself.
  - ChrisRR 1y ago
    Clothes, accommodation, gifts, alcohol, stag dos
billy99k 1y ago
"The economic contract of marriage has shifted, and now young people are looking for financial stability before the wedding" This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own). I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining about how impossible it was for a single person to get an apartment. I got one this year on a below-average salary in a nice city. In 2015, I remember hearing it was impossible to buy a house by anyone that isn't a boomer. I bought a house later this year (I'm not a boomer). Even now, I keep hearing about people sending 900 resumes out (which doesn't make sense, if you are only looking for jobs in your industry) and only receiving a few call backs. I was looking for extra work earlier in the year and I sent out 20 resumes and got 10 call backs.
- ok_dad 1y ago
  It’s almost like people live vastly different lives and we’re not all the same…
- al_borland 1y ago
  I have a feeling a lot of people are comparing where their parents ended to where they are starting, which isn’t a fair comparison. They should probably talk to their parents about what it was actually like. When my parents got their first apartment it didn’t even have a shower. They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. People also just love looking at averages for salary and home price, but they ignore that the average home has more than doubled in size. The average car today is also much faster, safer, and more luxurious than the old ones. I bought a house from the late 1940s. What would have been “average” in the time everyone seems to want to compare themselves to. By most modern standards, it’s small, but it was also half the price of the “average” home today. In terms of waiting for financial stability, I’d argue that it’s better not to wait. It eliminates all those prenuptial agreements, as neither person has anything. Then they can grow and a couple together. Wait too long, and they enter the relationship with too much that they’re worried about losing, and also more set in their ways. The obsession with keeping up with the Jones’ has gotten out of control. The Jones’ aren’t just the most well-to-do on the street, now people are trying to compete on lifestyle with the most well-to-do in the country. Just a couple days ago I had someone knock on my door to sell fiber internet and he tried to tell me I need it to keep up with the Jones’. That’s where we’re at. It’s not about what you actually need, it’s what you can brag about. It’s so backward.
deleted 1y ago
[deleted]
tug2024 1y ago
[dead]
MarkMarine 1y ago
I just got done paying for my wedding. It was 3 years ago. Was the second one, first one was during Covid and we just went to a beach in pt. Reyes and did it for free. Having done the two, one for free w/ close friends, one w/ catering and a hotel and everything that I paid 60k for… don’t waste your money. Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it. My favorite photos are the beach wedding, my memories are the beach wedding. We had more fun, it was unscripted and spontaneous, I had more time with my favorite people, and I had more time with my wife to enjoy it. If I could go back, I would save the 60k and just invest it in our home, our retirement, our savings. You don’t need a lavish party to show off, your friends don’t care. You won’t care. Skip it
- tejohnso 1y ago
  > Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it. Well yeah, spending tens of thousands of dollars on one party is insane unless you're royalty or just crazy rich. Everything about a wedding is overpriced and overhyped. But it's one of those times when rationality is challenged by emotion and expectations that have been moulded throughout childhood. Congrats on the free beach party wedding. That's a great idea. COVID or not.
- brailsafe 1y ago
  I'm being invited to these sorts of weddings (albeit probably much lower key) for the first time as an adult (in 30s, since that's when it's happening these days), and it's actually seeming like an excessive cost just as a guest to put something formal together to wear. I've literally never had the occasion to wear any kind of proper suit or even anything close to formal wear until now, and it'll probably be a sudden non-trivial investment since there are a few of these lining up in the year. It's not helped by the fact that I'm not just an off-the-shelf build physically, and so while I'm grateful for the invites, it's money and stuff that I really could spend in other ways. The economy in Canada is shit rn, and if I wasn't lucky enough to have a job, I'd probably just consider declining on that basis. That plus a short domestic flight, accomodation, bachelor/bachelorette parties, etc.. it's crazy. Earlier in the year, my lady and I were invited to the destination wedding of one of her close relatives, and simply told them no because it would have been a laughably expensive commitment that would have compromised our financial security. I get that people want to feel special or rationalize a big event, but I agree that if your family isn't shitting money or something to the point of making it trivial, it seems like kind of a silly idea.
technofiend 1y ago
My wife was a wedding coordinator for many years and we were both aghast at how anything dubbed "wedding" was magically 10x normal cost. I used to joke that wedding water would be next. Then some crafty bastard ran with the idea and started selling bottled water labeled for the events! I can't complain my joke turned into someone's side hustle but on the other hand we eloped and I don't regret it.
- colingauvin 1y ago
  I went to a friend's outdoor wedding in July where water was $2.50/bottle.
sandspar 1y ago
Saw a friend's recent wedding video. It appears she hired a professional documentary film crew? Like there were multiple angles of the same events, Hollywood level production values etc. It also seemed like she went down a checklist of "What to do in your wedding": the newlywed's funny walkout dance, throwing the bouquet, coastal scenery in the background. The effect was to smack you over the head with "either her or his family is rich". Maybe that was the intended message? And possibly relevant: she shared it on LinkedIn.
- yen223 1y ago
  "Here's how overspending on my wedding improved B2B SaaS sales"
- DengistKhan 1y ago
  > family is rich Or they took out a 60k to 200k loan for a party

Part of the issue is that the wedding market it just outrageous. The average cost of a wedding or attending one is out of control. The industry has done a good job marketing it. Social media "keeping up with the joneses" or comparisons is not helping either. It adds yet another piece of pressure so I'm not surprised that less people are jumping head first into it.

floxy 1y ago
>cost of... ...attending one is out of control What costs are associated with attending a wedding?
- b3ing 1y ago
  Suits, dresses, flights, unless you plan to attend in basketball shorts and drive multiple states over (depending where people are located)
  - blinded 1y ago
    This is what I met. That and using PTO, dog sitting, a modest gift / card etc. It adds up.
- trymas 1y ago
  If we’re talking “classic” wedding (venue, hotels, catering, bachelorette/bachelor parties, etc)… What other commenter said, plus covering bachelorette/bachelor parties (groom and bride don’t pay). Wedding gifts. Where I am from and you’re being accommodated- it’s kind of expected (and part of etiquette) to include cash with your gift to try to cover hotel and dining costs for yourself.
- ChrisRR 1y ago
  Clothes, accommodation, gifts, alcohol, stag dos

billy99k 1y ago

"The economic contract of marriage has shifted, and now young people are looking for financial stability before the wedding" This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own). I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining about how impossible it was for a single person to get an apartment. I got one this year on a below-average salary in a nice city. In 2015, I remember hearing it was impossible to buy a house by anyone that isn't a boomer. I bought a house later this year (I'm not a boomer). Even now, I keep hearing about people sending 900 resumes out (which doesn't make sense, if you are only looking for jobs in your industry) and only receiving a few call backs. I was looking for extra work earlier in the year and I sent out 20 resumes and got 10 call backs.

ok_dad 1y ago
It’s almost like people live vastly different lives and we’re not all the same…
al_borland 1y ago
I have a feeling a lot of people are comparing where their parents ended to where they are starting, which isn’t a fair comparison. They should probably talk to their parents about what it was actually like. When my parents got their first apartment it didn’t even have a shower. They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. People also just love looking at averages for salary and home price, but they ignore that the average home has more than doubled in size. The average car today is also much faster, safer, and more luxurious than the old ones. I bought a house from the late 1940s. What would have been “average” in the time everyone seems to want to compare themselves to. By most modern standards, it’s small, but it was also half the price of the “average” home today. In terms of waiting for financial stability, I’d argue that it’s better not to wait. It eliminates all those prenuptial agreements, as neither person has anything. Then they can grow and a couple together. Wait too long, and they enter the relationship with too much that they’re worried about losing, and also more set in their ways. The obsession with keeping up with the Jones’ has gotten out of control. The Jones’ aren’t just the most well-to-do on the street, now people are trying to compete on lifestyle with the most well-to-do in the country. Just a couple days ago I had someone knock on my door to sell fiber internet and he tried to tell me I need it to keep up with the Jones’. That’s where we’re at. It’s not about what you actually need, it’s what you can brag about. It’s so backward.

deleted 1y ago

[deleted]

tug2024 1y ago

[dead]

MarkMarine 1y ago

I just got done paying for my wedding. It was 3 years ago. Was the second one, first one was during Covid and we just went to a beach in pt. Reyes and did it for free. Having done the two, one for free w/ close friends, one w/ catering and a hotel and everything that I paid 60k for… don’t waste your money. Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it. My favorite photos are the beach wedding, my memories are the beach wedding. We had more fun, it was unscripted and spontaneous, I had more time with my favorite people, and I had more time with my wife to enjoy it. If I could go back, I would save the 60k and just invest it in our home, our retirement, our savings. You don’t need a lavish party to show off, your friends don’t care. You won’t care. Skip it

tejohnso 1y ago
> Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it. Well yeah, spending tens of thousands of dollars on one party is insane unless you're royalty or just crazy rich. Everything about a wedding is overpriced and overhyped. But it's one of those times when rationality is challenged by emotion and expectations that have been moulded throughout childhood. Congrats on the free beach party wedding. That's a great idea. COVID or not.
brailsafe 1y ago
I'm being invited to these sorts of weddings (albeit probably much lower key) for the first time as an adult (in 30s, since that's when it's happening these days), and it's actually seeming like an excessive cost just as a guest to put something formal together to wear. I've literally never had the occasion to wear any kind of proper suit or even anything close to formal wear until now, and it'll probably be a sudden non-trivial investment since there are a few of these lining up in the year. It's not helped by the fact that I'm not just an off-the-shelf build physically, and so while I'm grateful for the invites, it's money and stuff that I really could spend in other ways. The economy in Canada is shit rn, and if I wasn't lucky enough to have a job, I'd probably just consider declining on that basis. That plus a short domestic flight, accomodation, bachelor/bachelorette parties, etc.. it's crazy. Earlier in the year, my lady and I were invited to the destination wedding of one of her close relatives, and simply told them no because it would have been a laughably expensive commitment that would have compromised our financial security. I get that people want to feel special or rationalize a big event, but I agree that if your family isn't shitting money or something to the point of making it trivial, it seems like kind of a silly idea.

technofiend 1y ago

My wife was a wedding coordinator for many years and we were both aghast at how anything dubbed "wedding" was magically 10x normal cost. I used to joke that wedding water would be next. Then some crafty bastard ran with the idea and started selling bottled water labeled for the events! I can't complain my joke turned into someone's side hustle but on the other hand we eloped and I don't regret it.

colingauvin 1y ago
I went to a friend's outdoor wedding in July where water was $2.50/bottle.

sandspar 1y ago

Saw a friend's recent wedding video. It appears she hired a professional documentary film crew? Like there were multiple angles of the same events, Hollywood level production values etc. It also seemed like she went down a checklist of "What to do in your wedding": the newlywed's funny walkout dance, throwing the bouquet, coastal scenery in the background. The effect was to smack you over the head with "either her or his family is rich". Maybe that was the intended message? And possibly relevant: she shared it on LinkedIn.

yen223 1y ago
"Here's how overspending on my wedding improved B2B SaaS sales"
DengistKhan 1y ago
> family is rich Or they took out a 60k to 200k loan for a party