I'm sad to hear that you are having a hard time navigating the market. If it's of consultation know that many developers and engineers go through this hardship,

I'm sad to hear that you are having a hard time navigating the market. If it's of consultation know that many developers and engineers go through this hardship, those who never did either: Never pushed their limits, are liars, are Linus Trovalds. My personal thoughts about this is that I would prefer an applicant's motivation to be more in the sense of "What technologies are emerging, and what makes them so special? I want to master them to feel that I understand how they work". It's a wide answer, but I think the right engines are really what makes the difference. I would suggest finding a field you can develop passion to, preferably an obsession. Having an obsession is a great way to be extremely competent in a filed. Goof luck!