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Fascinating article. I wonder what made her do the steps in finding what's "different" with her, and most of all, why the need to fix it arose. Is it to "fit in

by qumpis 3y ago

Fascinating article. I wonder what made her do the steps in finding what's "different" with her, and most of all, why the need to fix it arose. Is it to "fit in", understandably? It somehow felt alien to me, and this shows my ignorance on the topic, that people lacking in empathy department would attempt to understand the reasons and act "good" towards others even if this feeling is only understood intellectually.

endo_bunker 3y ago
It would be interesting to know if this is a common experience among sociopaths. I had always thought that behaviors like theft resulted more simply from the lack of empathy (and desire for the stolen item), rather than resolving some kind of internal tension.
- james-bcn 3y ago
  Yes. She says "I was sorry I had to steal to stop fantasizing about violence" - it seems there is something else going on here, not just being a sociopath.
  - BLKNSLVR 3y ago
    I would say not necessarily. Attempting to understand someone that totally lacks a personality trait means that their motivation pathways could be entirely different. Un-understandable by those who do have the trait. In this case, do something minor (stealing) to scratch the itch that, if left unscratched for long enough, could result in doing something major (violence). It feels like a reaction to societal rules that don't make sense in their experience of the world, and so maybe the itch exists because the rule(s) seem irrational and arbitrary to them. Or maybe the lack of empathy leaves a hole to be filled with mischief.
- DrDroop 3y ago
  Special books for special children did an interview with a self identified sociopath that shows the same level of self awareness and openness to discuss the problem[1]. I think it is always difficult to analyse why someones does something. In Psychology, behaviour is like a Feynman diagram, you can always rotate the picture and get a valid particle interaction. What is cause and what is effect is hard to tell, but yes some people steal out of a sense of justice if you can call it that. [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdPMUX8_8Ms https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdPMUX8_8Ms
h2odragon 3y ago
"do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is good advice and a rational strategy without emotion or empathy. The practical problem is figuring out that "others would have" something different than you would like, because they're emotional and irrational (as far as you can tell).
- swayvil 3y ago
  The best way to fit a hand is not another hand. The best way to fit a hand is a glove. So when you say "good advice" I say, "it depends"
Attummm 3y ago
If you read about her tendencies, they are distinctly antisocial, characterized by a genuine urge to commit acts of violence and stealing. Not having the urge to commit violence would be a pretty good reason for trying to get help.
kayodelycaon 3y ago
I think it’s easy enough to explain. I’m asexual and don’t feel sexual attraction. In fact I’m completely blind to it. I definitely noticed something was wrong with me once I started school. Since then, I am constantly reminded of that by everyone around me. They have something I’m expected to have. Just imagine if you were the weird one because you were the only person with emotions. You can’t escape it. You can’t fix it. Some people try to be “helpful” and “understand” but the entire time, they are pointing out you are beyond their comprehension. It cause enormous anxiety to know you need to be something you are not. You have to learn to cope with it.
- JohnBooty 3y ago
  I definitely noticed something was wrong with me once I started school I hope you have gotten, or will get to, a place where you no longer think of this as something "wrong" with you!
  - em-bee 3y ago
    that's very difficult when you have a trait that others can't see, and therefore can't be aware of or understand, and much less empathize with. it feels wrong because you keep getting confronted with expectations that you can't fulfill. and you can't see others that have the same experience. so you end up feeling you are the only one.
    - coldtea 3y ago
      Yeah, and people say "being different is fine", "you're not wrong, you're you" and so on, but in the end unless you're one of socially accepted forms of different that are celebrated, they still shun you.
      - yetihehe 3y ago
        Or "just be yourself". It's good when your "yourself" meets their expectations.
    - 3y ago
JohnBooty 3y ago
It's fascinating. I've read a fair bit about sociopaths (but I'm no expert, obviously) and her compulsions feel pretty unique to me. It's not something I have really seen mentioned with sociopaths too often. A lot of sociopaths lead pretty normal lives. Pro-social behavior is generally pretty beneficial, even if you are doing it for practical reasons and not out of empathy.

by qumpis 3y ago

endo_bunker 3y ago

It would be interesting to know if this is a common experience among sociopaths. I had always thought that behaviors like theft resulted more simply from the lack of empathy (and desire for the stolen item), rather than resolving some kind of internal tension.

james-bcn 3y ago
Yes. She says "I was sorry I had to steal to stop fantasizing about violence" - it seems there is something else going on here, not just being a sociopath.
- BLKNSLVR 3y ago
  I would say not necessarily. Attempting to understand someone that totally lacks a personality trait means that their motivation pathways could be entirely different. Un-understandable by those who do have the trait. In this case, do something minor (stealing) to scratch the itch that, if left unscratched for long enough, could result in doing something major (violence). It feels like a reaction to societal rules that don't make sense in their experience of the world, and so maybe the itch exists because the rule(s) seem irrational and arbitrary to them. Or maybe the lack of empathy leaves a hole to be filled with mischief.
DrDroop 3y ago
Special books for special children did an interview with a self identified sociopath that shows the same level of self awareness and openness to discuss the problem[1]. I think it is always difficult to analyse why someones does something. In Psychology, behaviour is like a Feynman diagram, you can always rotate the picture and get a valid particle interaction. What is cause and what is effect is hard to tell, but yes some people steal out of a sense of justice if you can call it that. [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdPMUX8_8Ms https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdPMUX8_8Ms

h2odragon 3y ago

"do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is good advice and a rational strategy without emotion or empathy. The practical problem is figuring out that "others would have" something different than you would like, because they're emotional and irrational (as far as you can tell).

swayvil 3y ago
The best way to fit a hand is not another hand. The best way to fit a hand is a glove. So when you say "good advice" I say, "it depends"

Attummm 3y ago

If you read about her tendencies, they are distinctly antisocial, characterized by a genuine urge to commit acts of violence and stealing. Not having the urge to commit violence would be a pretty good reason for trying to get help.

kayodelycaon 3y ago

I think it’s easy enough to explain. I’m asexual and don’t feel sexual attraction. In fact I’m completely blind to it. I definitely noticed something was wrong with me once I started school. Since then, I am constantly reminded of that by everyone around me. They have something I’m expected to have. Just imagine if you were the weird one because you were the only person with emotions. You can’t escape it. You can’t fix it. Some people try to be “helpful” and “understand” but the entire time, they are pointing out you are beyond their comprehension. It cause enormous anxiety to know you need to be something you are not. You have to learn to cope with it.

JohnBooty 3y ago
I definitely noticed something was wrong with me once I started school I hope you have gotten, or will get to, a place where you no longer think of this as something "wrong" with you!
- em-bee 3y ago
  that's very difficult when you have a trait that others can't see, and therefore can't be aware of or understand, and much less empathize with. it feels wrong because you keep getting confronted with expectations that you can't fulfill. and you can't see others that have the same experience. so you end up feeling you are the only one.
  - coldtea 3y ago
    Yeah, and people say "being different is fine", "you're not wrong, you're you" and so on, but in the end unless you're one of socially accepted forms of different that are celebrated, they still shun you.
    - yetihehe 3y ago
      Or "just be yourself". It's good when your "yourself" meets their expectations.
  - 3y ago

JohnBooty 3y ago

It's fascinating. I've read a fair bit about sociopaths (but I'm no expert, obviously) and her compulsions feel pretty unique to me. It's not something I have really seen mentioned with sociopaths too often. A lot of sociopaths lead pretty normal lives. Pro-social behavior is generally pretty beneficial, even if you are doing it for practical reasons and not out of empathy.