7 ms·

You can still have other friends. It just takes more effort to build and maintain those relationships.

by patch_cable 3y ago

rednerrus 3y ago
It's a whole lot easier when your friends have kids. Otherwise you get left behind.
- patch_cable 3y ago
  It is easier when friends, for whatever reason, understand that I can't just "get a babysitter" to come out with them on a Friday night.
  - pixl97 3y ago
    The issue is the cost of friction loss. In the past, lets say baby boom years, almost everyone had kids so the family friction coefficient was very similar between different friends. But these days it's quite different. We typically don't leave our kids at home alone any more (GenX represent!). There is also a much larger group of people without kinds (DINKs and SINKs) that have far more free time than those with kids. So for them the equation changes. They have the cost of inviting you and the friction you experience. Or the cost of inviting the childless friends they know. Or the cost of the myriad of entertainment options we have these days.
alxjrvs 3y ago
Also co-signing, though it involved choosing my friends over the course of the last decade and making an effort to stay in touch, my friend circle has a fair amount of parents and non-parents. Paradoxically, I talk to one of my oldest pals more frequently now, because he logs on to a game after his kids go to sleep and is always happy to party up. We are also pretty distanced from one another, but make the effort to check in with each other so we stay close. Not saying it isn't hard, and not saying it isn't a challenge at times (I certainly don't see my friends in person as much!) but the idea that having kids forces you to be friendless is absurd.
yeahwhatever10 3y ago
Maintaining relationships is the hardest part. When you are young you don't maintain relationships with friends you see them everyday at school and this is true all the way through college. Once out of college it is the people inside your routine that are your friends, be it a work or a hobby. Upon having a child your routine changes yet again and will change rapidly as the child grows. It is the difficulty of maintaining relationships through the shifting routine of life that is so difficult. You need one aspect of your routine that has stability through the change. Mine is physical activity.

You can still have other friends. It just takes more effort to build and maintain those relationships.

rednerrus 3y ago

It's a whole lot easier when your friends have kids. Otherwise you get left behind.

patch_cable 3y ago
It is easier when friends, for whatever reason, understand that I can't just "get a babysitter" to come out with them on a Friday night.
- pixl97 3y ago
  The issue is the cost of friction loss. In the past, lets say baby boom years, almost everyone had kids so the family friction coefficient was very similar between different friends. But these days it's quite different. We typically don't leave our kids at home alone any more (GenX represent!). There is also a much larger group of people without kinds (DINKs and SINKs) that have far more free time than those with kids. So for them the equation changes. They have the cost of inviting you and the friction you experience. Or the cost of inviting the childless friends they know. Or the cost of the myriad of entertainment options we have these days.

alxjrvs 3y ago

Also co-signing, though it involved choosing my friends over the course of the last decade and making an effort to stay in touch, my friend circle has a fair amount of parents and non-parents. Paradoxically, I talk to one of my oldest pals more frequently now, because he logs on to a game after his kids go to sleep and is always happy to party up. We are also pretty distanced from one another, but make the effort to check in with each other so we stay close. Not saying it isn't hard, and not saying it isn't a challenge at times (I certainly don't see my friends in person as much!) but the idea that having kids forces you to be friendless is absurd.

yeahwhatever10 3y ago

Maintaining relationships is the hardest part. When you are young you don't maintain relationships with friends you see them everyday at school and this is true all the way through college. Once out of college it is the people inside your routine that are your friends, be it a work or a hobby. Upon having a child your routine changes yet again and will change rapidly as the child grows. It is the difficulty of maintaining relationships through the shifting routine of life that is so difficult. You need one aspect of your routine that has stability through the change. Mine is physical activity.