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Ask HN: Does attempting to finish my CS degree make sense?
I've had several people, like relatives and counselors, suggest that I try to finish my CS degree I attempted to get over a decade ago. Does it this make sense for me to do that at this point, given the issues I have?
Because I don't want the stuff I talk about here following me offline or to my primary online user name, I'm using a separate account, and will be kind of vague describing some things.
I'm in my mid-30s and currently work as a grocery night stocker. I've liked programming since I first used GW-BASIC on the 286 I got for Christmas, and originally planned to work in programming, but I'm terrible at getting decent grades. So even though I could do the work better than everyone else I ran across in college (although this is more them being terrible than me being particularly good), and don't have any major behavior problems (e.g. Terry Davis), I wasn't able to graduate due to a low GPA. As it stands, I'm screwed once the people supporting me die off, and everything I've tried to do to improve things has been a failure. I don't feel like I have any meaningful influence over my life, no matter what I try.
I'm mostly interested in systems and embedded programming. I mostly write C and assembly (several different ISAs) since those are my best options on the hardware I write for, but I've also done some C++, Java, Forth, and Python. I still program, mostly doing retro gaming stuff, since it's similar to what I'm interested in. I've also done stuff for my dad (all simple things to help control some device how he wants to).
I had an explanation of different problems related to whether or not I should attempt to get the degree again, but I wasn't ready for the 4000 character limit. This is the hyper-hyper-abridged version, with more detail below:
If I got the degree, I'm not sure I could convince anyone to hire me due to my age (without professional experience to counter balance) and difficulty talking, and moving to a place with jobs is difficult (currently taking care of relative, and housing issues). I'm also not sure I could get the degree because I am terrible at doing stuff required for good grades (bad at rote memorization (but still good at learning processes) and working totally alone (but do great with other people)). University said that there's absolutely nothing they can do to help me with it. I've gone to different counselors and therapists, but they've never done much more than suggest I pretend I don't have problems, or try what failed before and hope it goes differently (for no reason).
The major questions I have are: Would I be able to get any meaningful return from a degree if I was able to get it? If I do try to get it, what would improve my odds of getting it? If I manage to get it, where should I go from there? What should I be doing to improve my future, in general? How do I get myself to do things I want to (or don't want to)? But any kind of advice would be appreciated.
Also, I'm not happy with my current job at all, I've wanted to try to find something else for a while, even if it's not programming related. I know this might sound stupid, but the main issue I have at my current job is that I spend pretty much the entire time there thinking uncontrollably about everything terrible in my life. I hoping a change of scenery might help break or stall that habit. There are other, more concrete, annoyances like the health insurance has been continuously getting worse over time (losing dental, then vision, and now I have to pay $120 per month if I don't want an $8,000 deductible). It would also be nice to be able to see daylight more. Given how I failed to get hired on my own before, it's hard to be positive about my chances of getting hired somewhere else, but it's been a while since then, so maybe things are somehow different now somehow?
Should I try to find some place else to work, or are there are good reasons to endure where I am for now? Any tips related to this?
- SwabbyNemo 3y agoI've often seen things on Slashdot, /r/programming, and HN about how difficult it can be to get hired when you're older. If I managed to get the degree, would I be able get any use out of it being mid-30s? I wasn't able to get ANY job on my own after trying for a few years, with the job I have now being something I got through vocational rehabilitation, so any extra difficulty makes it seem even less likely that I could get anywhere. Whenever there's some kind of discussion about age and programming, there's always some people to pop up to say that they've managed fine, but I definitely haven't managed fine up to this point, so I don't feel encouraged. I don't care if other people exist that could get something out of a degree at my age, I'm concerned about if I could use it, given my situation and problems. Supposedly embedded programming is a bit better about that kind of stuff, but I don't know if it's a big enough difference to matter. There not a great variety of programming related jobs where I live (I've checked a few times, with most of what I saw being stuff like database work for a hospital, or "I have this idea for an app") so I'd probably have to move. This is complicated by a few things. I take care of a sibling, who has been pretty unwilling to do anything and has been spending the last decade in bed basically all day, with a constantly rotating sleep schedule. (I used to take care of a parent as well, but that stopped after she went to hospice two years ago.) This wouldn't make it totally impossible to move, but it's still a big ball and chain making things much more difficult. The house I live in is owned by an absurdly generous and well-off relative, who bought it for us to use because my mom had trouble keeping housing straight after my parents divorced (we kept having to move back in with her parents). Deciding how to handle the house if we leave would be another challenge. Another problem I have is talking, and that's likely involved in some of my problems. It's like verbal constipation. There's something that I want to get out, but it takes a lot of pain and effort to make it happen. And when it does come out, it's still shit. When I'm just thinking to myself, my thoughts seem clear, but the moment I try to output them, they get corrupted or something and I keep having to try to reform my sentences until I settle on something usable, which takes time. It feels like whenever the part of my brain that's responsible for serializing my internal thoughts into shareable language, besides just being trash, also interferes with the other operations of my brain when it's active. With text, I can take the time to eddit and prof red i,t but it takes me a long time to write clearly. I can't spend a couple minutes thinking of how to phrase one sentence when talking. I can write a bit faster if it's something technical, since basic, wooden speech works fine there, but I still spend time double checking what I'm saying is correct, writing and testing sample code, or similar things, so I still wouldn't call it fast. I don't know how I compare to others on that. I was recently recommended a speech therapist, and tried seeing him for a bit, but he was one of the worst therapists I've seen. It very hard for me to see how meeting someone an hour a week will be enough to make any noticeable change to the course of my life at this point. Given these issues, I'm worried that if I got the degree, it wouldn't be something that would make any difference in my life considering the other problems I have. But besides the question of whether or not I can use the degree, there's still the problem of actually getting it.