This comes from 12 Steps/AA literature. If something external causes me to feel some way, it may be more about me than about the externality itself. I'll try a

This comes from 12 Steps/AA literature. If something external causes me to feel some way, it may be more about me than about the externality itself. I'll try an example. If a random stranger comes up and insults me, I might start getting angry, insult him back, even start a fight. If I reflected on it a bit I might see my reaction was based on my own insecurity, my pre-existing belief that some of these insults, whatever they were, were true; or maybe a fear that these words could injure me somehow and I'd need to protect myself. On the other hand, I can think of a very loving person I know, and if someone started insulting them, they'd be more likely to say, whoa, you poor man, you seem troubled, what's going on? The point being responding back with anger is not a necessary reaction to this stimulus. And a strong unpleasant reaction, or avoidance, is often rooted in my own self-centeredness (which can be changed).