6 ms·

"Success" is a part of it but that usually comes packaged with other things like similar level of education and similar type of things the two find interesting.

"Success" is a part of it but that usually comes packaged with other things like similar level of education and similar type of things the two find interesting. Income is a good (but far from perfect) indicator of social compatibility.

bluefirebrand 4y ago
I think this gets at the crux of the thing I'm talking about. Some people, compatibility is the most important thing. They want someone they can do everything together with, so they have to have very similar interests and day-to-day wants. For me and my partner, we both wanted someone who wanted similar long-term things and were working hard to accomplish those things. We had very little activities in common when we started dating. I like videogames and DnD, she has very little interest in either. But we've found other things that we love to do together instead of only just adopting the things we both already liked.
bradlys 4y ago
I think “success” is also just code for class - to a large extent. People I’ve known who mention wanting someone “successful” were often looking for Ivy League, rich family, etc. It often had little to do with accomplishments of their own doing and mostly to do with being from the same socioeconomic class/upbringing. This is why guys pulling good money in blue collar work aren’t often getting women from educated backgrounds - even if they have all the markers of what success would mean to most people. It’s classism - typically.
- bluefirebrand 4y ago
  Maybe so, but like the person you're replying to said, there's a lot of other indicators about social compatibility. For instance my city has a lot of blue collar workers making pretty good money, but as a group they have a terrible reputation. Tons of drug abuse and wasteful spending habits. If you're looking for a dude to party with and who owns quads and snowmobiles and can afford to live large and wants to live large, you probably could date those guys. And of course there are probably some that absolutely do not follow that behavior trend. But if you're looking for a more responsible person who lives a quieter life, you're probably better off avoiding the rig pigs.
  - bradlys 4y ago
    Generally, that's just classism though. There are a ton of dudes in that work who are wanting to come home to a family. This doesn't change that the women don't want to be with those guys because what they do isn't considered educated work and isn't considered high status. I mean - are we really going to ignore how poorly doctors spend their money? (doctors are notorious for living paycheck to paycheck!) What about guys in finance in NYC who waste all their money on hookers and blow? This is such a ridiculous argument. People who spend in ways that many women don't want to exist everywhere. The way they spend the money is just different. But if a man wants the same things that some other woman wants and she has a PhD and grew up in a rich family and he's only been working in the trades and is from a poorer background - she's not going to get with him even if he makes good money and has all the normal non-class-based traits that she wants from a partner. It's purely classism. I see this shit all the time. I know a lot of women like that - especially in NYC and SF.

bluefirebrand 4y ago

I think this gets at the crux of the thing I'm talking about. Some people, compatibility is the most important thing. They want someone they can do everything together with, so they have to have very similar interests and day-to-day wants. For me and my partner, we both wanted someone who wanted similar long-term things and were working hard to accomplish those things. We had very little activities in common when we started dating. I like videogames and DnD, she has very little interest in either. But we've found other things that we love to do together instead of only just adopting the things we both already liked.

bradlys 4y ago

I think “success” is also just code for class - to a large extent. People I’ve known who mention wanting someone “successful” were often looking for Ivy League, rich family, etc. It often had little to do with accomplishments of their own doing and mostly to do with being from the same socioeconomic class/upbringing. This is why guys pulling good money in blue collar work aren’t often getting women from educated backgrounds - even if they have all the markers of what success would mean to most people. It’s classism - typically.

bluefirebrand 4y ago
Maybe so, but like the person you're replying to said, there's a lot of other indicators about social compatibility. For instance my city has a lot of blue collar workers making pretty good money, but as a group they have a terrible reputation. Tons of drug abuse and wasteful spending habits. If you're looking for a dude to party with and who owns quads and snowmobiles and can afford to live large and wants to live large, you probably could date those guys. And of course there are probably some that absolutely do not follow that behavior trend. But if you're looking for a more responsible person who lives a quieter life, you're probably better off avoiding the rig pigs.
- bradlys 4y ago
  Generally, that's just classism though. There are a ton of dudes in that work who are wanting to come home to a family. This doesn't change that the women don't want to be with those guys because what they do isn't considered educated work and isn't considered high status. I mean - are we really going to ignore how poorly doctors spend their money? (doctors are notorious for living paycheck to paycheck!) What about guys in finance in NYC who waste all their money on hookers and blow? This is such a ridiculous argument. People who spend in ways that many women don't want to exist everywhere. The way they spend the money is just different. But if a man wants the same things that some other woman wants and she has a PhD and grew up in a rich family and he's only been working in the trades and is from a poorer background - she's not going to get with him even if he makes good money and has all the normal non-class-based traits that she wants from a partner. It's purely classism. I see this shit all the time. I know a lot of women like that - especially in NYC and SF.