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> I sent my SO a long string of text messages about a problem that I was having, including one of them that said "I feel like garbage." Is it possible you buri

by kipple 4y ago

> I sent my SO a long string of text messages about a problem that I was having, including one of them that said "I feel like garbage." Is it possible you buried the lede? I'm a fellow sender of long strings of text messages. I've found that not everyone appreciates my potentially sprawling/parallel communication style. They don't always have the time or capacity to pick through all my words and respond thoughtfully to each point. I used to take it personally, until I realized I was just being overwhelming. Now, if one thing in particular matters to me, I focus on communicating that one thing. I leave the rest on the back burner for more casual conversation.

throwaway11823 4y ago
I think that's more or less what happened, I don't blame them. Just demonstrating that understanding yourself and expressing yourself clearly are necessary but not sufficient to be understood and to feel seen.
- 121789 4y ago
  Well the truth is that you didn’t express yourself effectively. My SO has done something similar, and being on the other side of an emotional text barrage feels like someone is thoughtlessly unloading their issues onto you. Get a therapist and some friends for casual “therapeutic” complaining and save any real issues you have to more appropriate mediums like a call or face to face.
  - mise_en_place 4y ago
    I was going to chime in with the same advice. It’s difficult to respond to walls of text. My cousin is notorious for sending these kinds of walls of text and it is impossible to parse correctly and quickly. Text isn’t a great medium for that, in person or a call would be better suited for it.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  - throwaway11823 4y ago
    I wouldn't presume to understand your relationship with your SO from a vague story, and I wouldn't presume to make proscriptions to you either. I'd ask for the same grace and courtesy from you. The point was that, though the article suggests loneliness stems from being unable to describe your feelings simply and concisely, it is more complex than that.
    - kipple 4y ago
      > The point was that, though the article suggests loneliness stems from being unable to describe your feelings simply and concisely, it is more complex than that. I think the point we're all trying to make is that a text barrage is _not_ expressing yourself simply and concisely.
      - throwaway11823 4y ago
        "I feel like garbage" is simple and concise. This is pedantic nitpicking, so that's my final word on the subject.
    - jelliclesfarm 4y ago
      I am trying to imagine what I would say to someone who drops ‘I feel like garbage’ within a long rambling communication with many thoughts expressed. Now..if it was a singular sentence or text that says ‘I feel like garbage’, then I know the purpose of the communication and enquire what’s going on. If ‘I feel like garbage’ is preceded by the reasons that explain the conclusion of ‘feeling like garbage’, then it is a conclusion of everything before it. If it’s in the middle of the communication, then what comes after could be the explanation for ‘feeling like garbage’. So ..at no point is it the focal subject of the communication. One effective way is including: What, Who, Why and if they’re an ask, make it clear. Most people can’t read minds. I am trying to be mindful about my communication and I keep changing how I communicate based on feedback. How my family reacts is diff from how it is at work.. so we need to have different groups..like concentric circles: closest circle, family..friends, colleagues..neighbors etc. it’s always equal give and take. Don’t expect more than you can give. Sometimes, certain relationships aren’t worth it and it’s better to walk away or have no expectations.
  - RHSman2 4y ago
    I am sure any long term relationship (long) requires the ability to make space for counseling each other.
RHSman2 4y ago
That is great human progress! Knowing that the way you ‘behave’ might not be the best way and not taking it personally! Meta cognition and enlightenment!
- kipple 4y ago
  Thank you, the power of introspection and therapy!

by kipple 4y ago

throwaway11823 4y ago

I think that's more or less what happened, I don't blame them. Just demonstrating that understanding yourself and expressing yourself clearly are necessary but not sufficient to be understood and to feel seen.

121789 4y ago
Well the truth is that you didn’t express yourself effectively. My SO has done something similar, and being on the other side of an emotional text barrage feels like someone is thoughtlessly unloading their issues onto you. Get a therapist and some friends for casual “therapeutic” complaining and save any real issues you have to more appropriate mediums like a call or face to face.
- mise_en_place 4y ago
  I was going to chime in with the same advice. It’s difficult to respond to walls of text. My cousin is notorious for sending these kinds of walls of text and it is impossible to parse correctly and quickly. Text isn’t a great medium for that, in person or a call would be better suited for it.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- throwaway11823 4y ago
  I wouldn't presume to understand your relationship with your SO from a vague story, and I wouldn't presume to make proscriptions to you either. I'd ask for the same grace and courtesy from you. The point was that, though the article suggests loneliness stems from being unable to describe your feelings simply and concisely, it is more complex than that.
  - kipple 4y ago
    > The point was that, though the article suggests loneliness stems from being unable to describe your feelings simply and concisely, it is more complex than that. I think the point we're all trying to make is that a text barrage is _not_ expressing yourself simply and concisely.
    - throwaway11823 4y ago
      "I feel like garbage" is simple and concise. This is pedantic nitpicking, so that's my final word on the subject.
  - jelliclesfarm 4y ago
    I am trying to imagine what I would say to someone who drops ‘I feel like garbage’ within a long rambling communication with many thoughts expressed. Now..if it was a singular sentence or text that says ‘I feel like garbage’, then I know the purpose of the communication and enquire what’s going on. If ‘I feel like garbage’ is preceded by the reasons that explain the conclusion of ‘feeling like garbage’, then it is a conclusion of everything before it. If it’s in the middle of the communication, then what comes after could be the explanation for ‘feeling like garbage’. So ..at no point is it the focal subject of the communication. One effective way is including: What, Who, Why and if they’re an ask, make it clear. Most people can’t read minds. I am trying to be mindful about my communication and I keep changing how I communicate based on feedback. How my family reacts is diff from how it is at work.. so we need to have different groups..like concentric circles: closest circle, family..friends, colleagues..neighbors etc. it’s always equal give and take. Don’t expect more than you can give. Sometimes, certain relationships aren’t worth it and it’s better to walk away or have no expectations.
- RHSman2 4y ago
  I am sure any long term relationship (long) requires the ability to make space for counseling each other.

RHSman2 4y ago

That is great human progress! Knowing that the way you ‘behave’ might not be the best way and not taking it personally! Meta cognition and enlightenment!

kipple 4y ago
Thank you, the power of introspection and therapy!