This reads as a straight-up advert for Cloudflare (which I know it isn't because heck, they don't need to advertise this way) but the TLDR boils down to ... I m

This reads as a straight-up advert for Cloudflare (which I know it isn't because heck, they don't need to advertise this way) but the TLDR boils down to ... I migrated to Cloudflare and all my problems were solved!