6 ms·

Someone who is 18 is already an adult. Trying to enforce restrictions to an adult will only generate pushback and resentment. At that age, it is too late. You c

by luhego 4y ago

Someone who is 18 is already an adult. Trying to enforce restrictions to an adult will only generate pushback and resentment. At that age, it is too late. You can let him play and live that way or you may try to fix it. The later will only cause discussions and fights.

millzlane 4y ago
And before you know it, your 31 year old man child is still sitting in the basement and you're still buying their games.
- bluefirebrand 4y ago
  Surely there must be a line you can take between letting them use their free time how they want, and enabling them to never need to do anything else. What my parents did with me when I was 18 is: I could love at home rent free if I was enrolled in classes at university, or I could start paying rent. Frankly, I don't see much of a problem with someone staying at home into adulthood, many cultures do that already. However the caveat is usually they have to contribute to the household, either with rent or housework or whatever. I don't see that as a problem.
- throwaway5959 4y ago
  So the trope goes at least. I wonder how many cases are actually like that though.
  - pertymcpert 4y ago
    Anecdotally, one of my childhood friends turned out like this. He scraped by doing a worthless game design degree before moving back home and staying there AFAIK. I think the root cause was mental, but none of us (his old friend group) knew how to help.
- luhego 4y ago
  There are multiple ways to try to stop this behavior. I will tell you the ways that didn't work for my parents. Turning off the internet, cutting the electricity off, hiding the PC or consoles, knocking the door at night asking if I am playing or studying. They annoyed me so much that I stopped playing for a while, got a job and moved out from my parents house at the first opportunity. Now, I continue to play as before but no longer talk to them. If that is the outcome the op friend is trying to accomplish then ok.
  - millzlane 4y ago
    But you got a Job and can take care of yourself. I'd say that is the goal over all. I should make sure you know I love you and make sure you're independent and can take care of yourself. But if I had ot only pick one. I'd pick the latter.
  - riolu 4y ago
    My parents took a more hands on approach of destroying my desktop that I paid for and built at 16, broke my bedroom door and subsequently splintered the frame so it couldn't be put back on, constantly disabling my phone service, taking my phone. I don't believe I am capable of making friends, my parents always chose my friends for me and we never had anything in common. The moment I moved out to university I built another machine and did nothing but play games resulting in failing multiple classes. While it was my fault, I did not learn moderation through constant repression. The only thing I got out of this experience is cPTSD, Prazosin, social isolation, panic attacks at footsteps, no identity since I never had the opportunity to understand myself or my emotions. I am however good at picking locks, manipulation, never showing emotion, weaponizing an arsenal of personalities, staying calm and diffusing stressful situations. My relationship with my parents is fine, I am good at telling them exactly what they want to hear to avoid conflict. I have tried to be open to them numerous times, it only made things worse. I've grown to enjoy being alone, no longer feel lonely most days. Sometimes I do try to make some semblance of a relationship through games or other activities outside of the computer, but my social skills are lacking not for lack of trying or improving. There are many things I try to change and improve about myself, many sleepless nights reading wikipedia and studies trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me and what I can do to fix it. I've hit a dead end with BPD, I try not to let it discourage me. I have overcome self harming mostly but the urges are still there. I am very tired and am falling into misanthropy, though I try my best to be the change I would like to see. I do not blame my parents, my decisions have been my own and I try to be informed. They are human and have made mistakes. It is unfortunate that those mistakes have caused extensive damage to my mental. The things I want most in life are simply unobtainable due to my broken perception of relationships and emotional dysregulation. It is unfair to burden another human with my existence, for what I need they could never hope to provide, though many have tried and walked away hurt, all my fault. I doubt OP could possibly do worse than this, but the ramifications of such actions should not be taken without heavy consideration. I want to do my best for the next generation and hopefully die soon so no more could be asked of me.
lwswl 4y ago
SO it should be out of the house for him.

by luhego 4y ago

millzlane 4y ago

And before you know it, your 31 year old man child is still sitting in the basement and you're still buying their games.

bluefirebrand 4y ago
Surely there must be a line you can take between letting them use their free time how they want, and enabling them to never need to do anything else. What my parents did with me when I was 18 is: I could love at home rent free if I was enrolled in classes at university, or I could start paying rent. Frankly, I don't see much of a problem with someone staying at home into adulthood, many cultures do that already. However the caveat is usually they have to contribute to the household, either with rent or housework or whatever. I don't see that as a problem.
throwaway5959 4y ago
So the trope goes at least. I wonder how many cases are actually like that though.
- pertymcpert 4y ago
  Anecdotally, one of my childhood friends turned out like this. He scraped by doing a worthless game design degree before moving back home and staying there AFAIK. I think the root cause was mental, but none of us (his old friend group) knew how to help.
luhego 4y ago
There are multiple ways to try to stop this behavior. I will tell you the ways that didn't work for my parents. Turning off the internet, cutting the electricity off, hiding the PC or consoles, knocking the door at night asking if I am playing or studying. They annoyed me so much that I stopped playing for a while, got a job and moved out from my parents house at the first opportunity. Now, I continue to play as before but no longer talk to them. If that is the outcome the op friend is trying to accomplish then ok.
- millzlane 4y ago
  But you got a Job and can take care of yourself. I'd say that is the goal over all. I should make sure you know I love you and make sure you're independent and can take care of yourself. But if I had ot only pick one. I'd pick the latter.
- riolu 4y ago
  My parents took a more hands on approach of destroying my desktop that I paid for and built at 16, broke my bedroom door and subsequently splintered the frame so it couldn't be put back on, constantly disabling my phone service, taking my phone. I don't believe I am capable of making friends, my parents always chose my friends for me and we never had anything in common. The moment I moved out to university I built another machine and did nothing but play games resulting in failing multiple classes. While it was my fault, I did not learn moderation through constant repression. The only thing I got out of this experience is cPTSD, Prazosin, social isolation, panic attacks at footsteps, no identity since I never had the opportunity to understand myself or my emotions. I am however good at picking locks, manipulation, never showing emotion, weaponizing an arsenal of personalities, staying calm and diffusing stressful situations. My relationship with my parents is fine, I am good at telling them exactly what they want to hear to avoid conflict. I have tried to be open to them numerous times, it only made things worse. I've grown to enjoy being alone, no longer feel lonely most days. Sometimes I do try to make some semblance of a relationship through games or other activities outside of the computer, but my social skills are lacking not for lack of trying or improving. There are many things I try to change and improve about myself, many sleepless nights reading wikipedia and studies trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me and what I can do to fix it. I've hit a dead end with BPD, I try not to let it discourage me. I have overcome self harming mostly but the urges are still there. I am very tired and am falling into misanthropy, though I try my best to be the change I would like to see. I do not blame my parents, my decisions have been my own and I try to be informed. They are human and have made mistakes. It is unfortunate that those mistakes have caused extensive damage to my mental. The things I want most in life are simply unobtainable due to my broken perception of relationships and emotional dysregulation. It is unfair to burden another human with my existence, for what I need they could never hope to provide, though many have tried and walked away hurt, all my fault. I doubt OP could possibly do worse than this, but the ramifications of such actions should not be taken without heavy consideration. I want to do my best for the next generation and hopefully die soon so no more could be asked of me.

lwswl 4y ago

SO it should be out of the house for him.