11 ms·

What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

184 points by iseff 15y ago

cek 15y ago
Great article. The first thing I do when mentoring noob entrepreneurs/founders is ask them about their networks. "How are you growing it?" "Who are your mentors?" "Who are your mentees?" "Who are the big-wigs in your network?" I have found, much to my surprise, given that I'm a "black belt ninja networker type" (apparently;per the article) that people haven't really given much thought to these questions. They know (or get the sense) that having a strong network is important but they've never really worked on building it. This article provides some good insight on how to build your network. Specifically it makes it clear that in order to build your network you MUST NOT BE SHY. It also makes it clear that it's work. As I like to say: "Building your network requires, well, that you build your network."
- deleted 15y ago
  [deleted]
- jadoint 15y ago
  Hi, I've been an HN lurker for a few months but finally signed up today just to inquire about mentors when I saw your comment. I am a complete beginner when it comes to startups. In fact, I happened to stumble into my niche rather accidentally. How do I go about finding great mentors or at least a group of like-minded people that I can learn from? If it helps, I'm currently located in NJ about 45 mins from NYC. I apologize in advance if this is a strange venue to ask this type of advice. Thanks!
  - cek 15y ago
    I searched Bing for "New York Tech Startup Calendar" and got this: http://startup-ventures.meetup.com/cities/us/ny/new_york/ http://startup-ventures.meetup.com/cities/us/ny/new_york/ Just start attending events, smiling, and introducing yourself to people. Make sure you are not shy about asking for what you are looking for. For example "I'm just figuring this startup thing out. I think I've got some great ideas but I don't have any mentors. If you know of any one I could talk to that would be great." Good luck!
neurotech1 15y ago
I remember meeting Mike Arrington at TechCrunch Disrupt, and he said that he "hates being pitched to [unsolicited], I'll probably think its a bad idea. I thought twitter was a bad idea.." Not sure how that changes with CrunchFund. My guess is that some Angels/VCs are way more approachable than others.
- mittermayr 15y ago
  i was working for MSFT a while ago, and at every conference i showed up, people totally started pitching me all the time (i wasn't in M&A, so why even?). i loved being approached and hear new ideas, but fact was, 9 out 10 things were incredibly sad and boring, produced by crazy folks. i mean, i feel bad for their passion and me not getting it, but a lot of things just were far from any success. and that made me lose interest in seconds, which brings me to the point that it was less about being approached (what's a minute or two), but more about hearing a lot of bad ideas. for a good idea? i'd listen an hour if I have the time.
- donalddesantis 15y ago
  Agreed. While most people (incl. me) can benefit from moving outside their comfort zone and be more assertive, you still have to use judgement/discretion. It's a challenging line to tow. I've got it wrong at least as many times as I've got it right. I'd like to think that my instincts in this regard have improved over time.
- rsl7 15y ago
  And yet it is also fashionable to say ideas are worthless. so yeah, here's my great idea.
mittermayr 15y ago
it's a tough thing to accept, but you outlined it pretty well. most things don't just happen. nobody believes it's the time, place, moment and right person to "risk" being declined, ignored or laughed at. and that's so wrong. people who succeed, typically, tend to be a bit more open than others. everything else is an excuse to hope for pure chance or being discovered. and in all reality, try it with beers, go to a bar, hit on a random girl, just to get started again. it will be really, really tough at first.
FreshCode 15y ago
getting good at "game" has led to improvements in almost every other aspect of my life, including pitching.
- brk 15y ago
  Funny. I have recommended 'The Game' by Neil Strauss to more than one person for reasons beyond just meeting women. Learning how to start and manage a conversation are powerful tools.
  - FreshCode 15y ago
    I wonder how many "hacker players" hang out on HN? :)
pg 15y ago
Maybe my case is unusual because YC takes applications online, but I don't like it when people walk up to me and "pitch" me by reciting some preformulated speech about their startup. I can almost never understand what they're talking about. And it makes me feel like a target, in much the same way it probably does to women when guys walk up to them and recite preformulated pickup lines. The unit of conversation with a "tech celeb" need not be a pitch. I'd suggest trying an ordinary conversation instead. I don't know about other people, but it would definitely work better with me.
- dpapathanasiou 15y ago
  It is actually how most of the world works: you tend to remember people you meet in person (versus those who cold email or call you), and as long as the pitch is not canned or scripted (people who do this well can be very conversational about how they describe it), it can lead to a follow-up meeting and further discussion.
- callmeed 15y ago
  I'm curious as to how often this happens (in person). Is this a weekly occurrence?
  - wahnfrieden 15y ago
    Just take a look at the TechCrunch Disrupt conf videos with pg and other VCs. They get pitched constantly when it's totally out of context and inappropriate, eg when they're on mic to ask a question or participate in some contest. Granted this was a startup event, but you could tell that these people would pitch like this at any opportunity they see upon recognizing a VC.
- donalddesantis 15y ago
  Thanks for the comment, Paul. Blog posts are funny, b/c you have to boil down a bunch of complex ideas into something people can grok while skimming. I actually don't like the word "pitch" or think of myself as someone who really pitches things very well at all. But it does describe sharing your ideas with other people, capturing it in a single word. A more accurate description would be "sharing your vision" or something similar. If there's one thing I've learned over the years (whether meeting new startup people or trying to get a date) it's been the "don't be a douchebag" rule. Treat people like people. The best "pitch" is actually not a pitch. It's authentic, where you're talking to someone who you honestly believe will be interested in what you're doing, and you're sharing something you're sincerely excited about. The last person you want to be is one of the "Jersey shore meatheads" trying to dry hump some poor woman out on the dance floor (to harken back to my earlier analogy). :)
codeslush 15y ago
"I didn’t get the first phone number I asked for, nor the second. In fact, the first number probably came somewhere between tries five and ten." This applies to so many different areas of life that it should just be made a rule, if it isn't already.
Mystalic 15y ago
Coming from the point of view of somebody who gets pitched daily... I can barely distinguish them from each other. Sure, I'll give you my card with contact info, but it doesn't mean I will be interested when I get the email. Yes, you did more than most people and had the balls to approach me. Great. But that won't fix a mediocre product or a product I'm not interested in. I'll just end up ignoring your email. I look for cues, such as who is funding you, your background and whether you got an introduction from somebody I trust. These things are my filters to finding the stories and startups that matter. Beyond that, I agree with PG: I prefer ordinary conversations. Again, the people I know and find genuinely interesting are more likely to catch my attention when the time comes to pitch me.
- gaius 15y ago
  I look for cues, such as who is funding you Someone has to go first, no? Why do you trust rival VCs more than your own judgement?
  - uniclaude 15y ago
    Either I'm mistaken, or you do not know who you are answering to. Mystalic is an editor at Mashable, not a VC. Therefore, when asking "who's funding you" he's not looking for rival VCs, but as he said, for cues. That does not, however, really invalidate your point of him making is own judgement instead of filtering by VCs.
aneth 15y ago
I agree overcoming "approach anxiety" is key to just about any goal that requires someone else to be attracted to you in one way or another - dating, investing, friendship, ordering a drink in a crowded bar, .... However, the key to ultimate success in all of these is that the person needs to like you and respect you. Girls don't like guys that approach them and rattle off about how funny they are, how much money they make, and what a great lover they are. Girls respect guys who are confident and layered, not guys who throw all their cards on the table in a 30 second pitch in a desperate attempt to be liked. Bartenders will first serve patient, confident, respectful customers, not eager, aggressive douchebags flashing twenties and snapping fingers. Not being a super-experienced investor or fundraiser, I'll leave the translation to investment pitches up to others, but I have a mixed reaction to this post. For most people, the hardest part of reaching out to others is shutting down the the internal chatter that talks them out of opening the door. How you conduct yourself afterwards though, is also incredibly important. I suspect investors as a class try to grit their teeth and discount awkwardness and narcissism in the hopes of finding the next Mark Zuckerberg, however I also think being a genuine and likable person - which for the most part means genuinely liking other people - is a great path to a good relationship in this and any other circumstance.
- JonnieCache 15y ago
  >However, the key to ultimate success in all of these is that the person needs to like you and respect you. Girls don't like guys that approach them and rattle off about how funny they are, how much money they make, and what a great lover they are. Girls respect guys who are confident and layered, not guys who throw all their cards on the table in a 30 second pitch in a desperate attempt to be liked. Bartenders will first serve patient, confident, respectful customers, not eager, aggressive douchebags flashing twenties and snapping fingers. The key is to understand that neither women, bartenders nor venture capitalists are homogenous hordes that can all be handled with the same neat little set of well-defined procedures that you read in a book or hear at a seminar. Especially not women, what with them comprising half of the planet's population.
- peteretep 15y ago
  There seem to be an infinite number of parallels between 'the game' and networking in general. I worked for 4 years as a full-time dating coach, and many years before that trying to get my game up to scratch, and the benefits in contacts, in rapport building, in sales arenas, in any area where I need to present, are immeasurable.
joshu 15y ago
Here is my email address so I can escape this painful conversation. It will be much easier to ignore your email.
- dpritchett 15y ago
  Similarly, whenever anyone cold calls me or knocks on my door to sell me services I don't want I ask for a brochure to "read over" later.
sunir 15y ago
My title is literally Chief Handshaker at FreshBooks. I wheel and deal for a living. When walking up to people randomly, I find it is immensely helpful to be genuinely interested in people. They will often pay you back the favour by being genuinely interested in you afterwards. To be honest, I do what I do because I love people. They are endlessly interesting. I don't do it to build my Twitter follower count. If you walk up pitching they will just turtle and get rid of you. Have faith they will ask you about you in due course.
- sjs 15y ago
  I guess the question for those of us who aren't inherently interested in people is how do we build such an interest, curiosity, and love for everyone? You can't just read Be Here Now and suddenly be enlightened and feel one with the world. (The question is not exactly directed at you since you seem to naturally have such an interest.)
  - sunir 15y ago
    I used to be a curmudgeon until my early 20s, wondering how everyone could be so dumb. Then, enlightenment! I learnt I didn't know everything. I am just curious. Everyone acts rationally from their point of view. Why do people do what they do? What makes them successful? Failures? What is their take on living? Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. I'll learn something new. I spent a lot of time learning how to actively listen, not just wait for an opportunity to jump into a conversation with my own immature opinions. (I have many.) I am not afraid to ask dumb questions in an effort to learn. I have no fear that people will think I am stupid. Actually, asking questions makes you look like a genius. Caveat: There are some people who lack the spark of life. I don't spend time with them.
    - codeslush 15y ago
      I love this response. 1. Listening, really listening, is really hard. Start by trying to listen to those you seem to have an issue(s) with! Really try to have an open mind and see things from an alternate perspective. Surely, you must have some level of interest in people you see. Why did he decide to get 1000 piercings? Why is s/he homeless? What drives this person to wear a suit every single day? .... Look at the things that you judge, and try to find answers that may not be so obvious as to why they are the way they are. 2. "I learnt I didn't know everything" -- this is pure and simple, but if my own experience has any relevance, it won't click with a number of people. I was smart enough to know that I didn't know everything when I was pretty young. But somehow, I really didn't "get it" -- I thought I was open minded, but I really wasn't. It wasn't until life beat me up pretty good that I finally "think" I get it. At least I hope I get it, and I feel like I do. Which leads to... 3. "Everyone acts rationally from their point of view" -- It took a very, very long time for me to understand this point. It took a lot of humility, pain and suffering to really open up my mind to why people do what they do. I believe MOST people make choices with good intentions. From the outside, it might be hard to understand those intentions. The challenge, or for me, the interest, comes in understanding the perspective that drove a particular decision. This goes back to "two sides to every story" -- and I've seen enough stories to know that both sides have strong convictions that they are correct and right. If you aren't fundamentally interested in people, then try to get interested in figuring out why they do what they do, especially when it is at odds with your own bias.
sid6376 15y ago
From the comments here, I infer, VCs probably don't like being pitched unsolicited. Girls don't like being hit on. I have never pitched a VC, so i am basically theorizing here. The trick is not in approaching them, but approaching them in a way which does not activate their natural defense mechanism. If you come across as interesting the girls will give you attention. Its better to lower their defenses with an approach that they don't expect.
- klipt 15y ago
  Maybe girls don't like being hit on by the wrong people, or in the wrong way. But ultimately they do want to be approached by the right guys, or they wouldn't keep on going to places like bars where one of the main selling points (unless it's a gay bar) is meeting people of the opposite sex.
billpatrianakos 15y ago
Awesome! Not only is this good business advice for me but it also gave me some dating pointers which I, as a newly single, rusty, guy, probably needs. Thanks.
patio11 15y ago
So hypothetically if you have a very busy person who is mobbed by a lot of cold pitches, they might have a bit of pitch fatigue and assume that anybody cold pitching them is likely about as good a fit as the average cold pitcher, which is to say "total waste of my time." That very busy, selective individual probably has friends who are less mobbed by pitchers. Those friends might even be flattered to hear from you. Pitch them, with the goal of convincing them your startup/story/invitation to dinner and a movie/etc is so attractive that it is worth giving a warm intro to their friend. A warm intro in the Valley appears to be frequently a short two-sentence email: this is how I know X, here's why he's valuable to you, you guys take it from here. This is how the real world works, over and over again.
- leviathan 15y ago
  This also works in the dating game where you approach indirectly by striking up a conversation with the less attractive friend.
tgrass 15y ago
The price tag is key: if I'd pay someone ten dollars to make my pitch... Ten bucks? Whether its a phone number I want or a pitch I'm making, ten bucks is way low. And if I'd pay a hundred for either, clearly I ought to suck it up and get in there ans get what I want. Put a price on it. Makes you realize when you are just being a little bitch.
jonnathanson 15y ago
I, too, used to suck at approaching women at bars (I still do!). Rather than polishing up my pickup game, I adopted a different strategy: be interesting. Go to fun parties. Throw some fun parties. Become known as a cool person to hang out with, which results in more invitations to more parties. Create your own momentum. I suppose the tech-industry corollary here is to do some agenda-free networking, and build up an agenda-free network. You may have a hidden agenda, and that's fine, but push it to the way back of your mind for now. You need to spend time building up a circle. Where to start? If you're in the Bay Area and working on a startup or a personal project, I'm sure you know at least 5 or 10 other folks in the same boat. Start getting together. Set up a weekly dinner or drinks. Start finding out about other peoples' dinners and drinks. Socialize and be interesting. Help other people without any expectation that they will help you. This is a slow game, played over a longer term than many people are comfortable with. But it's a more organic way to meet and "pitch" people. I'd much rather find a way to become friendly with Big Investor X than find a perfect 30-second pitch for a chance encounter with Big Investor X. I can always pitch a friend, after all, if a bit down the line. "But none of my friends is interesting / knows anybody cool / has any different friends outside our group." Time to diversify your social circle, then. Reach out and connect people from different stages of your life: childhood friends, college friends, work buddies from former and current jobs, interest-group friends, and so forth. Go to mixers and meet new people, too. All of this may sound patently obvious to some folks here, and if you're among those folks, awesome. Just know that this stuff didn't occur naturally to me, and I bet a fair number of people are built similarly. I'd always struggled with the apparent phoniness and strain of "networking," until I learned why: I was trying to compress a long-term process into short-term transactions. It felt unnatural because it was unnatural. I was always approaching people out of the blue and asking for something. That's not a winning strategy for becoming liked and getting helped. You've got to be doing things for others before expecting others to do things for you.
- lolcraft 15y ago
  Things are complicated. Beware of the potential phonyness lurking there. "Instead of making a business offer, pretend to be friends long enough so that the other party will (maybe) want to make business with you." Cool and all, but sometimes a pitch is just a pitch, and a fuck is just a fuck. Also: personally I would never start a business with a friend I really cared about. Never. It's just like having a "friend with benefits": it can go perfectly or it can be hell on earth.

184 points by iseff 15y ago

cek 15y ago

Great article. The first thing I do when mentoring noob entrepreneurs/founders is ask them about their networks. "How are you growing it?" "Who are your mentors?" "Who are your mentees?" "Who are the big-wigs in your network?" I have found, much to my surprise, given that I'm a "black belt ninja networker type" (apparently;per the article) that people haven't really given much thought to these questions. They know (or get the sense) that having a strong network is important but they've never really worked on building it. This article provides some good insight on how to build your network. Specifically it makes it clear that in order to build your network you MUST NOT BE SHY. It also makes it clear that it's work. As I like to say: "Building your network requires, well, that you build your network."

deleted 15y ago
[deleted]
jadoint 15y ago
Hi, I've been an HN lurker for a few months but finally signed up today just to inquire about mentors when I saw your comment. I am a complete beginner when it comes to startups. In fact, I happened to stumble into my niche rather accidentally. How do I go about finding great mentors or at least a group of like-minded people that I can learn from? If it helps, I'm currently located in NJ about 45 mins from NYC. I apologize in advance if this is a strange venue to ask this type of advice. Thanks!
- cek 15y ago
  I searched Bing for "New York Tech Startup Calendar" and got this: http://startup-ventures.meetup.com/cities/us/ny/new_york/ http://startup-ventures.meetup.com/cities/us/ny/new_york/ Just start attending events, smiling, and introducing yourself to people. Make sure you are not shy about asking for what you are looking for. For example "I'm just figuring this startup thing out. I think I've got some great ideas but I don't have any mentors. If you know of any one I could talk to that would be great." Good luck!

neurotech1 15y ago

I remember meeting Mike Arrington at TechCrunch Disrupt, and he said that he "hates being pitched to [unsolicited], I'll probably think its a bad idea. I thought twitter was a bad idea.." Not sure how that changes with CrunchFund. My guess is that some Angels/VCs are way more approachable than others.

mittermayr 15y ago
i was working for MSFT a while ago, and at every conference i showed up, people totally started pitching me all the time (i wasn't in M&A, so why even?). i loved being approached and hear new ideas, but fact was, 9 out 10 things were incredibly sad and boring, produced by crazy folks. i mean, i feel bad for their passion and me not getting it, but a lot of things just were far from any success. and that made me lose interest in seconds, which brings me to the point that it was less about being approached (what's a minute or two), but more about hearing a lot of bad ideas. for a good idea? i'd listen an hour if I have the time.
donalddesantis 15y ago
Agreed. While most people (incl. me) can benefit from moving outside their comfort zone and be more assertive, you still have to use judgement/discretion. It's a challenging line to tow. I've got it wrong at least as many times as I've got it right. I'd like to think that my instincts in this regard have improved over time.
rsl7 15y ago
And yet it is also fashionable to say ideas are worthless. so yeah, here's my great idea.

mittermayr 15y ago

it's a tough thing to accept, but you outlined it pretty well. most things don't just happen. nobody believes it's the time, place, moment and right person to "risk" being declined, ignored or laughed at. and that's so wrong. people who succeed, typically, tend to be a bit more open than others. everything else is an excuse to hope for pure chance or being discovered. and in all reality, try it with beers, go to a bar, hit on a random girl, just to get started again. it will be really, really tough at first.

FreshCode 15y ago

getting good at "game" has led to improvements in almost every other aspect of my life, including pitching.

brk 15y ago
Funny. I have recommended 'The Game' by Neil Strauss to more than one person for reasons beyond just meeting women. Learning how to start and manage a conversation are powerful tools.
- FreshCode 15y ago
  I wonder how many "hacker players" hang out on HN? :)

pg 15y ago

Maybe my case is unusual because YC takes applications online, but I don't like it when people walk up to me and "pitch" me by reciting some preformulated speech about their startup. I can almost never understand what they're talking about. And it makes me feel like a target, in much the same way it probably does to women when guys walk up to them and recite preformulated pickup lines. The unit of conversation with a "tech celeb" need not be a pitch. I'd suggest trying an ordinary conversation instead. I don't know about other people, but it would definitely work better with me.

dpapathanasiou 15y ago
It is actually how most of the world works: you tend to remember people you meet in person (versus those who cold email or call you), and as long as the pitch is not canned or scripted (people who do this well can be very conversational about how they describe it), it can lead to a follow-up meeting and further discussion.
callmeed 15y ago
I'm curious as to how often this happens (in person). Is this a weekly occurrence?
- wahnfrieden 15y ago
  Just take a look at the TechCrunch Disrupt conf videos with pg and other VCs. They get pitched constantly when it's totally out of context and inappropriate, eg when they're on mic to ask a question or participate in some contest. Granted this was a startup event, but you could tell that these people would pitch like this at any opportunity they see upon recognizing a VC.
donalddesantis 15y ago
Thanks for the comment, Paul. Blog posts are funny, b/c you have to boil down a bunch of complex ideas into something people can grok while skimming. I actually don't like the word "pitch" or think of myself as someone who really pitches things very well at all. But it does describe sharing your ideas with other people, capturing it in a single word. A more accurate description would be "sharing your vision" or something similar. If there's one thing I've learned over the years (whether meeting new startup people or trying to get a date) it's been the "don't be a douchebag" rule. Treat people like people. The best "pitch" is actually not a pitch. It's authentic, where you're talking to someone who you honestly believe will be interested in what you're doing, and you're sharing something you're sincerely excited about. The last person you want to be is one of the "Jersey shore meatheads" trying to dry hump some poor woman out on the dance floor (to harken back to my earlier analogy). :)

codeslush 15y ago

"I didn’t get the first phone number I asked for, nor the second. In fact, the first number probably came somewhere between tries five and ten." This applies to so many different areas of life that it should just be made a rule, if it isn't already.

Mystalic 15y ago

Coming from the point of view of somebody who gets pitched daily... I can barely distinguish them from each other. Sure, I'll give you my card with contact info, but it doesn't mean I will be interested when I get the email. Yes, you did more than most people and had the balls to approach me. Great. But that won't fix a mediocre product or a product I'm not interested in. I'll just end up ignoring your email. I look for cues, such as who is funding you, your background and whether you got an introduction from somebody I trust. These things are my filters to finding the stories and startups that matter. Beyond that, I agree with PG: I prefer ordinary conversations. Again, the people I know and find genuinely interesting are more likely to catch my attention when the time comes to pitch me.

gaius 15y ago
I look for cues, such as who is funding you Someone has to go first, no? Why do you trust rival VCs more than your own judgement?
- uniclaude 15y ago
  Either I'm mistaken, or you do not know who you are answering to. Mystalic is an editor at Mashable, not a VC. Therefore, when asking "who's funding you" he's not looking for rival VCs, but as he said, for cues. That does not, however, really invalidate your point of him making is own judgement instead of filtering by VCs.

aneth 15y ago

I agree overcoming "approach anxiety" is key to just about any goal that requires someone else to be attracted to you in one way or another - dating, investing, friendship, ordering a drink in a crowded bar, .... However, the key to ultimate success in all of these is that the person needs to like you and respect you. Girls don't like guys that approach them and rattle off about how funny they are, how much money they make, and what a great lover they are. Girls respect guys who are confident and layered, not guys who throw all their cards on the table in a 30 second pitch in a desperate attempt to be liked. Bartenders will first serve patient, confident, respectful customers, not eager, aggressive douchebags flashing twenties and snapping fingers. Not being a super-experienced investor or fundraiser, I'll leave the translation to investment pitches up to others, but I have a mixed reaction to this post. For most people, the hardest part of reaching out to others is shutting down the the internal chatter that talks them out of opening the door. How you conduct yourself afterwards though, is also incredibly important. I suspect investors as a class try to grit their teeth and discount awkwardness and narcissism in the hopes of finding the next Mark Zuckerberg, however I also think being a genuine and likable person - which for the most part means genuinely liking other people - is a great path to a good relationship in this and any other circumstance.

JonnieCache 15y ago
>However, the key to ultimate success in all of these is that the person needs to like you and respect you. Girls don't like guys that approach them and rattle off about how funny they are, how much money they make, and what a great lover they are. Girls respect guys who are confident and layered, not guys who throw all their cards on the table in a 30 second pitch in a desperate attempt to be liked. Bartenders will first serve patient, confident, respectful customers, not eager, aggressive douchebags flashing twenties and snapping fingers. The key is to understand that neither women, bartenders nor venture capitalists are homogenous hordes that can all be handled with the same neat little set of well-defined procedures that you read in a book or hear at a seminar. Especially not women, what with them comprising half of the planet's population.
peteretep 15y ago
There seem to be an infinite number of parallels between 'the game' and networking in general. I worked for 4 years as a full-time dating coach, and many years before that trying to get my game up to scratch, and the benefits in contacts, in rapport building, in sales arenas, in any area where I need to present, are immeasurable.

joshu 15y ago

Here is my email address so I can escape this painful conversation. It will be much easier to ignore your email.

dpritchett 15y ago
Similarly, whenever anyone cold calls me or knocks on my door to sell me services I don't want I ask for a brochure to "read over" later.

sunir 15y ago

My title is literally Chief Handshaker at FreshBooks. I wheel and deal for a living. When walking up to people randomly, I find it is immensely helpful to be genuinely interested in people. They will often pay you back the favour by being genuinely interested in you afterwards. To be honest, I do what I do because I love people. They are endlessly interesting. I don't do it to build my Twitter follower count. If you walk up pitching they will just turtle and get rid of you. Have faith they will ask you about you in due course.

sjs 15y ago
I guess the question for those of us who aren't inherently interested in people is how do we build such an interest, curiosity, and love for everyone? You can't just read Be Here Now and suddenly be enlightened and feel one with the world. (The question is not exactly directed at you since you seem to naturally have such an interest.)
- sunir 15y ago
  I used to be a curmudgeon until my early 20s, wondering how everyone could be so dumb. Then, enlightenment! I learnt I didn't know everything. I am just curious. Everyone acts rationally from their point of view. Why do people do what they do? What makes them successful? Failures? What is their take on living? Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. I'll learn something new. I spent a lot of time learning how to actively listen, not just wait for an opportunity to jump into a conversation with my own immature opinions. (I have many.) I am not afraid to ask dumb questions in an effort to learn. I have no fear that people will think I am stupid. Actually, asking questions makes you look like a genius. Caveat: There are some people who lack the spark of life. I don't spend time with them.
  - codeslush 15y ago
    I love this response. 1. Listening, really listening, is really hard. Start by trying to listen to those you seem to have an issue(s) with! Really try to have an open mind and see things from an alternate perspective. Surely, you must have some level of interest in people you see. Why did he decide to get 1000 piercings? Why is s/he homeless? What drives this person to wear a suit every single day? .... Look at the things that you judge, and try to find answers that may not be so obvious as to why they are the way they are. 2. "I learnt I didn't know everything" -- this is pure and simple, but if my own experience has any relevance, it won't click with a number of people. I was smart enough to know that I didn't know everything when I was pretty young. But somehow, I really didn't "get it" -- I thought I was open minded, but I really wasn't. It wasn't until life beat me up pretty good that I finally "think" I get it. At least I hope I get it, and I feel like I do. Which leads to... 3. "Everyone acts rationally from their point of view" -- It took a very, very long time for me to understand this point. It took a lot of humility, pain and suffering to really open up my mind to why people do what they do. I believe MOST people make choices with good intentions. From the outside, it might be hard to understand those intentions. The challenge, or for me, the interest, comes in understanding the perspective that drove a particular decision. This goes back to "two sides to every story" -- and I've seen enough stories to know that both sides have strong convictions that they are correct and right. If you aren't fundamentally interested in people, then try to get interested in figuring out why they do what they do, especially when it is at odds with your own bias.

sid6376 15y ago

From the comments here, I infer, VCs probably don't like being pitched unsolicited. Girls don't like being hit on. I have never pitched a VC, so i am basically theorizing here. The trick is not in approaching them, but approaching them in a way which does not activate their natural defense mechanism. If you come across as interesting the girls will give you attention. Its better to lower their defenses with an approach that they don't expect.

klipt 15y ago
Maybe girls don't like being hit on by the wrong people, or in the wrong way. But ultimately they do want to be approached by the right guys, or they wouldn't keep on going to places like bars where one of the main selling points (unless it's a gay bar) is meeting people of the opposite sex.

billpatrianakos 15y ago

Awesome! Not only is this good business advice for me but it also gave me some dating pointers which I, as a newly single, rusty, guy, probably needs. Thanks.

patio11 15y ago

So hypothetically if you have a very busy person who is mobbed by a lot of cold pitches, they might have a bit of pitch fatigue and assume that anybody cold pitching them is likely about as good a fit as the average cold pitcher, which is to say "total waste of my time." That very busy, selective individual probably has friends who are less mobbed by pitchers. Those friends might even be flattered to hear from you. Pitch them, with the goal of convincing them your startup/story/invitation to dinner and a movie/etc is so attractive that it is worth giving a warm intro to their friend. A warm intro in the Valley appears to be frequently a short two-sentence email: this is how I know X, here's why he's valuable to you, you guys take it from here. This is how the real world works, over and over again.

leviathan 15y ago
This also works in the dating game where you approach indirectly by striking up a conversation with the less attractive friend.

tgrass 15y ago

The price tag is key: if I'd pay someone ten dollars to make my pitch... Ten bucks? Whether its a phone number I want or a pitch I'm making, ten bucks is way low. And if I'd pay a hundred for either, clearly I ought to suck it up and get in there ans get what I want. Put a price on it. Makes you realize when you are just being a little bitch.

jonnathanson 15y ago

I, too, used to suck at approaching women at bars (I still do!). Rather than polishing up my pickup game, I adopted a different strategy: be interesting. Go to fun parties. Throw some fun parties. Become known as a cool person to hang out with, which results in more invitations to more parties. Create your own momentum. I suppose the tech-industry corollary here is to do some agenda-free networking, and build up an agenda-free network. You may have a hidden agenda, and that's fine, but push it to the way back of your mind for now. You need to spend time building up a circle. Where to start? If you're in the Bay Area and working on a startup or a personal project, I'm sure you know at least 5 or 10 other folks in the same boat. Start getting together. Set up a weekly dinner or drinks. Start finding out about other peoples' dinners and drinks. Socialize and be interesting. Help other people without any expectation that they will help you. This is a slow game, played over a longer term than many people are comfortable with. But it's a more organic way to meet and "pitch" people. I'd much rather find a way to become friendly with Big Investor X than find a perfect 30-second pitch for a chance encounter with Big Investor X. I can always pitch a friend, after all, if a bit down the line. "But none of my friends is interesting / knows anybody cool / has any different friends outside our group." Time to diversify your social circle, then. Reach out and connect people from different stages of your life: childhood friends, college friends, work buddies from former and current jobs, interest-group friends, and so forth. Go to mixers and meet new people, too. All of this may sound patently obvious to some folks here, and if you're among those folks, awesome. Just know that this stuff didn't occur naturally to me, and I bet a fair number of people are built similarly. I'd always struggled with the apparent phoniness and strain of "networking," until I learned why: I was trying to compress a long-term process into short-term transactions. It felt unnatural because it was unnatural. I was always approaching people out of the blue and asking for something. That's not a winning strategy for becoming liked and getting helped. You've got to be doing things for others before expecting others to do things for you.

lolcraft 15y ago
Things are complicated. Beware of the potential phonyness lurking there. "Instead of making a business offer, pretend to be friends long enough so that the other party will (maybe) want to make business with you." Cool and all, but sometimes a pitch is just a pitch, and a fuck is just a fuck. Also: personally I would never start a business with a friend I really cared about. Never. It's just like having a "friend with benefits": it can go perfectly or it can be hell on earth.