I suggest you to speak to a mental mentor. I never thought of doing it but recently did and it helped me. I have a friend who went through similar. I've known

I suggest you to speak to a mental mentor. I never thought of doing it but recently did and it helped me. I have a friend who went through similar. I've known him about 10 years now. Trust me it gets better over time. He did move to another state(province in Canada) though.