6 ms·

I think you can feel great for them and bad for yourself at the same time

emteycz 4y ago
But why would I? It's not like they took something from me. I am the lord of my destiny. And how is it in any way different from the same people telling me this stuff at a pub? I don't think social media has anything to do with this.
- k_sze 4y ago
  Maybe you’re lucky to not be plagued by inferiority complex and/or impostor syndrome.
  - emteycz 4y ago
    Perhaps, but then why blame social media and not these disorders?
    - k_sze 4y ago
      I believe the argument would be that social media exacerbates the problem.
      - emteycz 4y ago
        But does it exacerbate the problem more than other ways of social interaction? As opposed to a real life social interaction, I can simply hit Unfollow on Facebook (so we stay Friends but I don't see your posts unless I look for them)...
        k_sze 4y ago
        Maybe social media gives you a much more concentrated feed of things that can trigger your inferiority complex, compared to normal, real-life social interactions? And if you have to resort to unfollowing, you’re basically agreeing that it’s a problem.
        emteycz 4y ago
        I don't see how that proves anything specific to social media, I'm "unfollowing" people IRL all the time, it's not like I want to hear everything someone has to say, especially not if it makes me sad.
        k_sze 4y ago
        > especially not if it makes me sad. Now I wonder whether you're pulling my leg.
        emteycz 4y ago
        I just can't see the reason why this is about social media, and not about personal relations in general. Someone makes me sad IRL - I don't listen to them. Someone makes me sad on social media - well I don't listen to them. Where's the difference? I can understand the scale argument, but I can't see why it's a problem after I've unfollowed the problematic accounts. At one point in my life, I unfollowed literally every FB friend I had - because I wanted to follow my groups but my friends' posts were too political and this kind of talk had a bad effect on me. I can't see why people just don't do that when social media makes them sad.
        dwringer 4y ago
        I don't know how much of this is reality, but to me the argument is as follows: Let's say seeing a certain type of post makes someone sad, and that this causes that person's mind to wander, slowing or stopping their feed-scrolling for a moment now and then when they see such content. This means they're now stopped on the feed at a potentially vulnerable moment. There is now a monetary incentive for the feed curation algorithm to continue doling out the kind of posts that make the user sad, as well as placing targeted advertisements right with them - ideally ones that exploit the negative emotion in some way. I realize not everyone reacts the same way. Maybe they speed up their scrolling instead. The kinds of behavior that social media feed curation algorithms track and act upon is opaque, and I think that lack of transparency and accountability can easily have unfortunate consequences.
- coldtea 4y ago
  Social status and the satisfaction (or lack thereof) derived from it are relative. This has been studied and hammered on again and again, not to mention the entirety of human history (and tons of lucrative rackets) attest to it. And being "the lord of your destiny" is already not applicable to most people, except in an abstract, meaningless sense that a person can always decide for themselves. That doesn't mean they can wish reality away. (E.g. "Yeah, I have $200K in student debt, no job prospects after looking for 10 months, and my spouse got sick, but I can do whatever I decide").
  - emteycz 4y ago
    If these people think they're the only ones with problems and other people's lives are problem-free, well that's the issue. Not even the most accomplished person has a smooth ride.
    - coldtea 4y ago
      That's kind of the whole point: social media presents you with a highlight of the smooth ride scenarios in people's lives (and even those, made to appear even fancier with all kinds of tricks and cutting out of "behind the scenes" context). And rationally being aware of this doesn't help either: you still get the raw first experience at an emotional level.
- alickz 4y ago
  >But why would I? It's not like they took something from me. I am the lord of my destiny. Envy. You can be genuinely happy for them, but then be sad that your life isn't going as well. I think this compounded by the idea that a lot of people don't feel like the lords of their destiny, more leaves in a river unable to fight the currents. Which of course adds to the stress of "Why can't I be better and more like [friend]?". Which may or may not lead to productive self-reflection (more likely not in my experience) >And how is it in any way different from the same people telling me this stuff at a pub? I don't think social media has anything to do with this. Scale, I would imagine. If it was one or two friends I think it's easier to rationalise, but when you see friends-of-friends and celebrities "living their best life", every day, while you struggle to keep your head above water, it takes a toll.

But why would I? It's not like they took something from me. I am the lord of my destiny. And how is it in any way different from the same people telling me this stuff at a pub? I don't think social media has anything to do with this.

k_sze 4y ago
Maybe you’re lucky to not be plagued by inferiority complex and/or impostor syndrome.
- emteycz 4y ago
  Perhaps, but then why blame social media and not these disorders?
  - k_sze 4y ago
    I believe the argument would be that social media exacerbates the problem.
    - emteycz 4y ago
      But does it exacerbate the problem more than other ways of social interaction? As opposed to a real life social interaction, I can simply hit Unfollow on Facebook (so we stay Friends but I don't see your posts unless I look for them)...
      - k_sze 4y ago
        Maybe social media gives you a much more concentrated feed of things that can trigger your inferiority complex, compared to normal, real-life social interactions? And if you have to resort to unfollowing, you’re basically agreeing that it’s a problem.
        emteycz 4y ago
        I don't see how that proves anything specific to social media, I'm "unfollowing" people IRL all the time, it's not like I want to hear everything someone has to say, especially not if it makes me sad.
        k_sze 4y ago
        > especially not if it makes me sad. Now I wonder whether you're pulling my leg.
        emteycz 4y ago
        I just can't see the reason why this is about social media, and not about personal relations in general. Someone makes me sad IRL - I don't listen to them. Someone makes me sad on social media - well I don't listen to them. Where's the difference? I can understand the scale argument, but I can't see why it's a problem after I've unfollowed the problematic accounts. At one point in my life, I unfollowed literally every FB friend I had - because I wanted to follow my groups but my friends' posts were too political and this kind of talk had a bad effect on me. I can't see why people just don't do that when social media makes them sad.
        dwringer 4y ago
        I don't know how much of this is reality, but to me the argument is as follows: Let's say seeing a certain type of post makes someone sad, and that this causes that person's mind to wander, slowing or stopping their feed-scrolling for a moment now and then when they see such content. This means they're now stopped on the feed at a potentially vulnerable moment. There is now a monetary incentive for the feed curation algorithm to continue doling out the kind of posts that make the user sad, as well as placing targeted advertisements right with them - ideally ones that exploit the negative emotion in some way. I realize not everyone reacts the same way. Maybe they speed up their scrolling instead. The kinds of behavior that social media feed curation algorithms track and act upon is opaque, and I think that lack of transparency and accountability can easily have unfortunate consequences.
coldtea 4y ago
Social status and the satisfaction (or lack thereof) derived from it are relative. This has been studied and hammered on again and again, not to mention the entirety of human history (and tons of lucrative rackets) attest to it. And being "the lord of your destiny" is already not applicable to most people, except in an abstract, meaningless sense that a person can always decide for themselves. That doesn't mean they can wish reality away. (E.g. "Yeah, I have $200K in student debt, no job prospects after looking for 10 months, and my spouse got sick, but I can do whatever I decide").
- emteycz 4y ago
  If these people think they're the only ones with problems and other people's lives are problem-free, well that's the issue. Not even the most accomplished person has a smooth ride.
  - coldtea 4y ago
    That's kind of the whole point: social media presents you with a highlight of the smooth ride scenarios in people's lives (and even those, made to appear even fancier with all kinds of tricks and cutting out of "behind the scenes" context). And rationally being aware of this doesn't help either: you still get the raw first experience at an emotional level.
alickz 4y ago
>But why would I? It's not like they took something from me. I am the lord of my destiny. Envy. You can be genuinely happy for them, but then be sad that your life isn't going as well. I think this compounded by the idea that a lot of people don't feel like the lords of their destiny, more leaves in a river unable to fight the currents. Which of course adds to the stress of "Why can't I be better and more like [friend]?". Which may or may not lead to productive self-reflection (more likely not in my experience) >And how is it in any way different from the same people telling me this stuff at a pub? I don't think social media has anything to do with this. Scale, I would imagine. If it was one or two friends I think it's easier to rationalise, but when you see friends-of-friends and celebrities "living their best life", every day, while you struggle to keep your head above water, it takes a toll.