8 ms·
My 4 year old son Michal died 11 years ago and I still grieve him every day. It is deep in my bones, an abscess. As this beautiful and heavy article describes,
by theckel 4y ago
My 4 year old son Michal died 11 years ago and I still grieve him every day. It is deep in my bones, an abscess. As this beautiful and heavy article describes, the act of grieving became an addiction to me. I kept "breaking beautiful things" in my mind because living with the ghost child instead of the living world kept his memory closer and my hands less shaky. He was an addiction, I had rituals I had to do (watch old videos, peruse old photos) every day. Without these things, I felt like I was betraying him. I fantasized about digging up his bones a lot. All a ruse, a cycle in my own mind, designed to soothe an addict haunted by his ghost child. A divorce and lots of personal writing and tears (and so many years) later, I am in a healthier place. But "grief is what love looks like when they're gone" is a simple and poignant way to put it: I will always be haunted, and I will always love the haunt, but I cannot be owned by him like I was for so many years. When he comes to haunt me, I welcome it. But unlike before, I don't smother him. Now I let him float away too.
- doodle323 4y agoI lost my boys 9 years ago, and I never knew how to put it into words. This made me cry.
- theckel 4y agoWe're all wreckage. So much love and peace to you.
- CharlesW 4y agoThanks for sharing this. It really touched me. I wish you peace.
- lampshades 4y agoI can't imagine what you've been through. If anything happened to my kids I don't know how I would be able to continue on.
- stenioaraujo 4y agoThose a beautiful words. And as though those feeling might haunt you, I hope you can find and keep the peace for the years to come. Thanks for sharing.
- master_crab 4y agoThese are beautiful words to remember him by.
- LocalH 4y agoMay the universe shower you in peace and love.
- dede4metal 4y agoThanks for sharing this. May you find peace and strength
- pmarreck 4y agoAs a new father of a 9 month old son, I am so very sorry for your loss, because this sounds like a horror. There seems to be a pattern of divorce after a child is lost which seems to just add insult to injury, I'm really sorry
- ak39 4y agoThis is one of the most beautiful comments I have ever read. Thank you writing them.