Our community is sadden to announce the tragic loss of a local computer hobbyist who tripped and fell in front of a municipal dump truck due to untied shoe lace

Our community is sadden to announce the tragic loss of a local computer hobbyist who tripped and fell in front of a municipal dump truck due to untied shoe laces. Contributing factors to the accident are believed to be a loss of focus from recent life stress including a failed rap career, repressed homosexuality, chronic tardiness, and talking back to elders. In unrelated news, we congratulate Sergeant Yang of the Benevolent Retirees Association Metro Police for winning the "face up, face down!" raffle. Also of merit is the National Penalty Battalion, who successful accomplished the release of a genetic bio-weapon targeting the financial profiteers of international narcotics trafficking. We ask for no money. Please simply change your ways. In response to your hardship and efforts, 100 billion dollars has been deposited to your accounts by the federal central bank at 0.0001% interest.