I'm sorry you're struggling. There's a process that has worked for me and might work for you, but it takes some patience and effort. Would you be willing to try

I'm sorry you're struggling. There's a process that has worked for me and might work for you, but it takes some patience and effort. Would you be willing to try an experiment that requires 30-45 minutes every day for, say, a month, just to see if it works? If so, the process is described in a free book called "The Path to Nibbana" by David Johnson. It may seem religious, and that might turn you off, but if you prefer, it makes perfect sense to think of the process as just a psychological training technique, something like CBT. What I've found is that my basic happiness level (not dependent on any life circumstances) keeps increasing. The vicissitudes of life keep bothering me less and less. My mind is full of kindness, to myself and everyone. This kindness makes it easier and easier to genuinely love life. Whatever you do, I hope you feel better.