My guess is that your living with a lot of guilt about something important in your life. You need to go to therapy and talk to someone about this conception of

My guess is that your living with a lot of guilt about something important in your life. You need to go to therapy and talk to someone about this conception of yourself. Viewing yourself as a failure and acknowledging failure are two very different things. One will eat you alive, the other can set you free. Please talk to a therapist about this and be completely open and honest with them, even if it costs you a lot to do so, because you won’t be able to find where you should go next until you’ve dealt with your past.