8 ms·

One of the most important things to understand about depression and suicide is that those who are in the middle of it are in an altered state of mind. They are

One of the most important things to understand about depression and suicide is that those who are in the middle of it are in an altered state of mind. They are locked into thought patterns that are self-reinforcing and prevent rational understanding. A person who is depressed and suicidal is literally unfit for making such decisions about their life. When the suicidal thoughts and depressed state abate, it's as if the person is suddenly a different person, of a different mind. Problems that once seemed insurmountable are no longer so. Positive things that seemed irrelevant or invisible before are suddenly there again and meaningful. It doesn't mean that all of one's problems go away or don't matter; it means that life seems livable again--and the only thing that has changed is one's thought patterns. It's almost like the mind is drunk on despair. And just like a drunk person is unfit to drive a car, a person who is "drunk on despair"--depressed and suicidal--is unfit to "drive" their own life. If you recognize that you are in a state of mind like this, you must use whatever rational part of your mind that remains to reject all of the thoughts and impulses of the despairing part. Don't give the drunk the keys to the car; he will kill not only himself, but likely harm many others as well. And don't ignore him, because he'll probably get drunk again tomorrow and want the keys again. Go, take him to get help, now, while you can. There are people whose entire life's work is to help people in need like this. Let them help you.

sad-throwaway 7y ago
Wow I hadn't thought of it that way. Thank you
ionised 7y ago
The problem is that for some people, that 'drunk' state is chronic, never-ending and for all intents and purposes, permanent. Depression isn't just the low feeling after a bad breakup, or a job loss or some other life hurdle. Sometimes it's a chronic condition that may not ever end because it doesn't have any of those typical 'triggers', it's clinical and relentless. When you understand that, you'll see why that in telling someone their planned suicide is merely 'a permanent solution to a temporary problem' they look at you with nothing more than contempt. Because you don't understand what its like. You never will.
- instantwhat 7y ago
  Your comment may be an example of what I'm talking about: it's not a rational response to what I said, so you may be inhibited from understanding my comment rationally. Let's look at each part: > The problem is that for some people, that 'drunk' state is chronic, never-ending and for all intents and purposes, permanent. There is undoubtedly an element of "talking past each other" here. There are degrees of despair, of depression. There are permanent circumstances and temporary ones. But you have generalized to one extreme while ignoring the other, which isn't right or fair. There are many people who want to commit suicide and even attempt it due to truly temporary circumstances. It is absolutely true that in such cases, the real problem was the state of mind and not the circumstances. So it's absolutely right to remind such people that they are contemplating "a permanent solution to a temporary problem." And it's absolutely wrong for you to lump such cases into others, as if they were right to consider or actually commit suicide. Beyond that, there are many people who live fulfilling, meaningful lives despite debilitating, permanent circumstances. What is the difference between their difficult yet livable lives and those who choose suicide? The difference is state of mind. This does not belittle their suffering--it honors those who carry on despite suffering. Their example edifies us all--if we are willing to see it. > Depression isn't just the low feeling after a bad breakup, or a job loss or some other life hurdle. Sometimes it's a chronic condition that may not ever end because it doesn't have any of those typical 'triggers', it's clinical and relentless. > When you understand that, you'll see why that in telling someone their planned suicide is merely 'a permanent solution to a temporary problem' they look at you with nothing more than contempt. > Because you don't understand what its like. You never will. That is definitely an irrational response to my comment. You have no idea who I am and what my experiences are. You have created an image of me in your mind and are misdirecting your anger toward it. I have no idea who you are or what your experiences are; I don't know if you are seeking escape from your own problems, or whether you feel guilt about others' poor choices that you weren't able to prevent. But your judgment regarding these issues is definitely impaired by your current state of mind. This is plain because you are not responding rationally. This is not necessarily something to be ashamed of; it's part of the human condition. We all suffer this at times in our lives. The question now is whether you will remain angry and in denial, or whether you are willing to recognize the problem and seek help to grow. Maybe you are going through the stages of grief, in which case you should recognize that and give yourself time; recognize that what has happened, has happened, and what remains now is to adjust your state of mind and move on. In any case, what is clear from your comment is that your current state of mind is unfit for interpreting and judging rationally. You absolutely can see circumstances and past events differently in the future, if you will allow yourself. There are people who make it their life's work to help people in need like this, to solve serious problems, to adapt, to grieve, to grow. This does not promise solutions to all problems, nor permanent ones. But life remains livable and worth living. Let those people help you find a way forward.

sad-throwaway 7y ago

Wow I hadn't thought of it that way. Thank you

ionised 7y ago

The problem is that for some people, that 'drunk' state is chronic, never-ending and for all intents and purposes, permanent. Depression isn't just the low feeling after a bad breakup, or a job loss or some other life hurdle. Sometimes it's a chronic condition that may not ever end because it doesn't have any of those typical 'triggers', it's clinical and relentless. When you understand that, you'll see why that in telling someone their planned suicide is merely 'a permanent solution to a temporary problem' they look at you with nothing more than contempt. Because you don't understand what its like. You never will.

instantwhat 7y ago
Your comment may be an example of what I'm talking about: it's not a rational response to what I said, so you may be inhibited from understanding my comment rationally. Let's look at each part: > The problem is that for some people, that 'drunk' state is chronic, never-ending and for all intents and purposes, permanent. There is undoubtedly an element of "talking past each other" here. There are degrees of despair, of depression. There are permanent circumstances and temporary ones. But you have generalized to one extreme while ignoring the other, which isn't right or fair. There are many people who want to commit suicide and even attempt it due to truly temporary circumstances. It is absolutely true that in such cases, the real problem was the state of mind and not the circumstances. So it's absolutely right to remind such people that they are contemplating "a permanent solution to a temporary problem." And it's absolutely wrong for you to lump such cases into others, as if they were right to consider or actually commit suicide. Beyond that, there are many people who live fulfilling, meaningful lives despite debilitating, permanent circumstances. What is the difference between their difficult yet livable lives and those who choose suicide? The difference is state of mind. This does not belittle their suffering--it honors those who carry on despite suffering. Their example edifies us all--if we are willing to see it. > Depression isn't just the low feeling after a bad breakup, or a job loss or some other life hurdle. Sometimes it's a chronic condition that may not ever end because it doesn't have any of those typical 'triggers', it's clinical and relentless. > When you understand that, you'll see why that in telling someone their planned suicide is merely 'a permanent solution to a temporary problem' they look at you with nothing more than contempt. > Because you don't understand what its like. You never will. That is definitely an irrational response to my comment. You have no idea who I am and what my experiences are. You have created an image of me in your mind and are misdirecting your anger toward it. I have no idea who you are or what your experiences are; I don't know if you are seeking escape from your own problems, or whether you feel guilt about others' poor choices that you weren't able to prevent. But your judgment regarding these issues is definitely impaired by your current state of mind. This is plain because you are not responding rationally. This is not necessarily something to be ashamed of; it's part of the human condition. We all suffer this at times in our lives. The question now is whether you will remain angry and in denial, or whether you are willing to recognize the problem and seek help to grow. Maybe you are going through the stages of grief, in which case you should recognize that and give yourself time; recognize that what has happened, has happened, and what remains now is to adjust your state of mind and move on. In any case, what is clear from your comment is that your current state of mind is unfit for interpreting and judging rationally. You absolutely can see circumstances and past events differently in the future, if you will allow yourself. There are people who make it their life's work to help people in need like this, to solve serious problems, to adapt, to grieve, to grow. This does not promise solutions to all problems, nor permanent ones. But life remains livable and worth living. Let those people help you find a way forward.